Panel Round One
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Congratulations. OK, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Paula, when people talk about romance, they often talk about lovebirds. But according to a new study, it turns out that not only are birds not very romantic, but they often do what?
PAULA POUNDSTONE: Kill each other.
SAGAL: That's true, but we knew that. This is more about romance than...
POUNDSTONE: About romance?
POUNDSTONE: They often...
SAGAL: ...Or the lack thereof.
POUNDSTONE: ...Lose one another's phone numbers.
CARL KASELL, BYLINE: ...Or simply don't call back.
SAGAL: I'll give you a hint...
POUNDSTONE: They retweet. They retweet a lot.
SAGAL: I'll give you a hint.
SAGAL: Generally speaking, in most cases, the early bird gets half the worm and hatchling visitation rights every other weekend.
POUNDSTONE: They break up?
SAGAL: They break up. They get divorced, yeah.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
POUNDSTONE: Oh, birds - love birds get divorced?
SAGAL: Apparently, yeah. That's true.
POUNDSTONE: I think that makes all the sense in the world.
SAGAL: Well, according to a study in the journal "Current Biology," bird relationships - just as messed up as human ones. Birds tend to cheat on each other, and they even get divorced, leading to generations of latchkey eggs.
POUNDSTONE: What's the value of knowing that birds divorce?
SAGAL: Well, what they're trying to do, is they're trying to ascertain the mating habits of birds. And what they have discovered is - remember...
KASELL: I mean, what business is it of theirs?
SAGAL: What's the purpose of any advance in human knowledge?
POUNDSTONE: But why do you want to know the mating habits of birds?
KASELL: I mean, don't ask, don't tell is what I say.
POUNDSTONE: Leave them alone.
POUNDSTONE: Can a bird not have a little bit of privacy?
SAGAL: Well, remember we used to think sometimes, like...
POUNDSTONE: (Chirping) No, what did we used to think?
SAGAL: We used to think that birds mated for life, like swans. Swans...
POUNDSTONE: I never thought that.
POUNDSTONE: What do you mean we? I never even gave the length of a bird's relationship any thought at all, frankly.
KASELL: And how do you tell swans apart? I mean, you see two of them going by together, you know. I mean...
POUNDSTONE: Yeah, look at them. They're still together, aren't they?
KASELL: How do you know that's the same swan?
POUNDSTONE: How the hell do they do it? Look at them.
KASELL: They have to spray paint the swan. They don't know. They're birds.
KASELL: Not a lot going on upstairs.
POUNDSTONE: You know, my manager, her car used to park on the street, and every day, for a long time, there was a bird that was breaking its little beak on her rearview mirror 'cause it would see itself and go, you know, try to make out.
POUNDSTONE: That's not a bright animal.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: It could be a teenager.
POUNDSTONE: Yeah. It could...
KASELL: It could be a teenage bird. That's true.
POUNDSTONE: It could've said, this is a different bird from yesterday.
SAGAL: He's back, maybe.
POUNDSTONE: Look at me. Every bird wants me.
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