NPR logo


  • Download
  • <iframe src="" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript



  • Download
  • <iframe src="" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

Carl reads three news-related limericks: Chester Cheetah's Obsession, Viral Gossip, Porpoiseful Diction.


Coming up, its Lightning Fill in the Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on-air, call or leave a message at one 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That is 1-888-924-8924 or click the Contact Us link on our website, You can find out there about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago.

And I'm proud to say, the tickets are now on sale for Carl Kassel's last show before he becomes our score keeper emeritus. That show is May 15th at the Warner Theater in Washington, D.C. Be there. It will be unforgettable. Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

STEPHEN: (Caller) Hi. This is Stephen (ph) from Brooklyn.

SAGAL: Hey, Stephen from Brooklyn. How are you?

STEPHEN: (Caller) I'm very well. How are you?


CARL KASELL, BYLINE: Are you terribly hip, Stephen? I understand Brooklyn is.

STEPHEN: (Caller) Yes.


SAGAL: You know what's interesting - so what do you do in Brooklyn?

STEPHEN: (Caller) I'm an attorney.


SAGAL: You know, you could've said that right off, and we would've skipped the whole hip thing. Stephen, welcome to the show. Carl Kassel will now perform for you three news related limericks - three I say, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here's is your first limerick.

KASELL: This powdered puff cheese fan says, neat-o, the open bag smell is a treat-o, my brand-new perfume inhabits the room and everything smells like a...

STEPHEN: (Caller) Cheeto.

SAGAL: Yes, a Cheeto.


SAGAL: Like Britney and Paris Hilton before it, the it-snack Cheetos has unveiled its own signature perfume called Cheeteau. Yeah, seriously.


KASELL: I'm sorry that's just stupid.

SAGAL: Yes. The perfume boasts and, I quote from the press release, buttery notes and accents of cheddar, unquote. Cheetos perfume, when you don't have time to just spill a bag of Cheetos on yourself.


SAGAL: Hey, beautiful is that Cheetos perfume you're wearing. No, I'm just gross.


SAGAL: Here is your next limerick, Stephen.

KASELL: Rat lawyers complain at the Hague, your evidence always was vague, the source of black death was your own bad breath, we rats can't be blamed for the....

STEPHEN: (Caller) Plague.

SAGAL: Yes. The Plague. The Black Plague. Very good. For centuries we've been blaming rats for spreading the plague in the Middle Ages, but a new study suggests that the plague germ must have been airborne to spread as quickly as it did. So that means that rats' reputations have been unfairly ruined for centuries. Imagine what we would think of rats it weren't for the slander. Like rats - that fantastic. You dirty rat, you're the best.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: It's good to see someone working, you know, with historic significance to bring the reputation of the rat back.


POUNDSTONE: Yeah. I think that's good.

SAGAL: I think so.


SAGAL: All right. Stephen here is your last limerick.

KASELL: We hope to see creatures evolving, so we can both talk about golfing, and so far they just squeak about foods we both eat, but soon I can talk to a...

STEPHEN: (Caller) Dolphin.

SAGAL: Yes. Scientists at the wild dolphin project are trying to teach dolphins to speak. They want to teach them to use their clicks and squeaks to indicate eight different English words including seaweed, wave, fish and twerk.


SAGAL: And they announced a breakthrough this week. They recorded a dolphin talking to another dolphin using the clicks for seaweed. What scientist don't know is that that squeak for seaweed is just about identical to the dolphin language for, just whack a ball around from time to time for these idiots and they'll keep giving us fish.


KASELL: The rhyme scheme there...

SAGAL: Yes, well...


KASELL: Very much dolphin or go home.

SAGAL: Carl how did Stephen do on this quiz?

KASELL: Stephen had three correct answers Peter, so he's a winner.

SAGAL: Well done, Stephen.


SAGAL: You're the pride of Brooklyn. Thanks so much for playing.

STEPHEN: (Caller) Thank you.


Copyright © 2014 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.



Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.