Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Carl This Time

Carl Kasell reads three quotes from the week's news: Will Own Major Sports Team for Food, Sochi Sister City, The Groom is Prettier Than the Bride.

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CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TEL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here's your host, at the San Diego Civic Theatre in San Diego, California, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. We are delighted, delighted to be here in San Diego. And we're really excited about our guest on this week's show. Now you see, years ago, the only thing people knew about San Diego was the San Diego Zoo. But since then, San Diego has become known for so much more than that. It's become known for historically corrupt congressmen.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And car elevators, and one really creepy mayor.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So we're going to be joined later by Rick Schwartz of the San Diego Zoo.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We don't care what you've been up to in the last few years. Give us a call. The number is 1(888) WAIT-WAIT. That's 1(888) 924-8924. It's time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi. You're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TEL ME.

ROKEE RAHIM: Hi. This is Rokee from Greensboro, North Carolina.

SAGAL: Rokee.

RAHIM: Yes. Hi.

SAGAL: Hi, Rokee. That's great name. It reminds me of one of my favorite television devices. What...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here, I'm going to...

RAHIM: Some people actually do think that I made that up.

SAGAL: I know.

RAHIM: They do think that I discovered the Roku.

SAGAL: I'm going to press a button and see if I can pause you and talk to you later.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a writer for HBO's "Real Time with Bill Maher," Mr. Adam Felber.

(APPLAUSE)

ADAM FELBER: Hi, Rokee.

SAGAL: Next, the comedian performing June 27th at the Cullen Theater at the Wortham Center in Houston, Texas. Paula Poundstone. She's right here.

(APPLAUSE)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey, Rokee.

RAHIM: Hi.

SAGAL: And comedian and host of the "Who's Paying Attention" podcast, Mr. Alonzo Bodden.

(APPLAUSE)

ALONZO BODDEN: Hello. Hello, Rokee. My niece goes to school in Greensboro. So if you see her, tell her I'm not sending any money.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Rokee, you're going to play Who's Carl This Time? Carl Kasell is going to perform for you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them, you'll win our prize - Carl's voice on your home answering machine. Are you ready to go?

RAHIM: I am.

SAGAL: All right. Your first quote is literally the only part of a secret recording released this week that we feel comfortable repeating.

(LAUGHTER)

RAHIM: Wow.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here we go. This is it.

KASELL: OK.

SAGAL: That's it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The rest of the recording just cost someone their job and $2.5 million this week. Who was it?

RAHIM: I have to admit, I was scared. I thought I was not going to know any of these questions. But I do believe that's Donald Sterling.

SAGAL: Very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Donald Sterling.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Donald Sterling is of course - well, at least for now - the owner of the LA Clippers. He was taped by his girlfriend telling her that she couldn't bring black people to his basketball games. If he doesn't like black people, why did he buy a basketball team?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If he only likes white people, fine, he should've bought a golf team.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Or a public radio station.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Now I have a personal connection to the Clippers because I actually tell women I used to play for the Clippers.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Because no one knows who played for the Clippers.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Depending on who I'm talking to, I was a clipper anywhere from '86 to '89. Somewhere in there.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Yet it was pretty - it's pretty amazing to come out and say I don't want black people at my basketball game. And to pick Magic Johnson - like, the one guy that no matter how racist you possibly are, you still give a pass to Magic Johnson.

SAGAL: Right.

BODDEN: You're still like, well, Magic, yeah, he's all right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The new NBA commissioner, Adam Silver, lowered the boom on Sterling - a lifetime ban and the maximum fine he's allowed to levy - $2.5 million.

POUNDSTONE: A ban meaning that he can't do what?

SAGAL: He can't go to the games - any games, any NBA games.

POUNDSTONE: How will they know? I mean, don't you just buy a ticket and go in?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Hey, Paula. When you own the team and you say you hate black people, they're going to recognize you walking in.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: One of the unfortunate things about this for Donald Sterling, and we know we feel sorry for him, it happened right before he was going to get his second lifetime achievement award from the Los Angeles chapter of the NAACP.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: They changed the words on the plaque.

SAGAL: Yeah. I'm sure.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Achievement in racism.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: And for outstanding achievement in racism...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He's a major donor.

POUNDSTONE: How does - I don't.

SAGAL: Well, for one thing, Sterling loves the NAACP. They're the only other ones who still say colored people.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: That was a good one as far as I'm concerned. Somehow, Peter, I think I'm going to be the arbiter of every joke you do in this bit.

SAGAL: I think so.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I have to say this, Peter. I was at the game Tuesday night after the NBA came down with the decision, which the atmosphere was just electric and celebratory. It was, you know - people were everywhere, and everyone was happy. But LA was prepared for trouble. And they had the riot police on horses, and the horses had face shields.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really?

BODDEN: And I was like, how mad you think black people were going to be?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Right. Did you really think we were like, man, I will punch a horse in the face.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK, Rokee, here is your next quote.

RAHIM: OK.

KASELL: It's the worst ever.

SAGAL: That was an official who had just visited Rio de Janeiro in Brazil. He says they are totally not ready for what coming up in 2016?

RAHIM: The Olympics.

SAGAL: Yes. The Olympics.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: I know. We just got over the last one.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A member of the Olympic committee came to see how the preparations are going down there in Rio. And the entire construction crew came to the door to meet him in their pajamas.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They said they were planning on starting the construction later this year right after this season of "Game of Thrones" ends because...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Of course - thanks to Sochi, we're now used Olympics happening in rundown, half-finished facilities.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's kind of fun. People are wondering what wild animals will be wandering around the hotels. What will infect Bob Costas's face this time?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I can't help but think that back in the '80s, the cocaine cartels - first of all, the workers would've had a lot more energy.

SAGAL: True.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: And they just would have had the money to handle this. They just would have hired a smaller country to come in and build the facilities.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I don't know. I think that, you know, you're going to be in Rio.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: It's the Summer Olympics.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: You open with women's beach volleyball.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: All the men in the world are like, facilities look good.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Every looks good.

SAGAL: A-OK.

BODDEN: These are a great Olympics right here. This is...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Now, Rokee, your last quote is a headline about a big celebrity engagement this week.

KASELL: London human rights lawyer Amal Alamuddin is engaged.

SAGAL: That was Slate's treatment of the story. Amal Alamuddin got engaged to whom this week?

RAHIM: Oh, gosh. I have no idea.

SAGAL: Well, they were being ironic because it's really the person she got engaged to who's generally more well-known.

RAHIM: Hmm.

SAGAL: Well, since you're an NPR, listener perhaps this will help. He's Rosemary Clooney's handsome nephew.

(LAUGHTER)

RAHIM: Would that be George?

SAGAL: It would, in fact, be George Clooney.

POUNDSTONE: There we go.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Various celebrity observers suggest that either Clooney, at the age of 52, has decided it's time to settle down with a distinguished international human rights lawyer, or more likely, he realized that as of last week, he had already dated all the cocktail waitresses in the world.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There were none left. Now, people talk about how lucky she is. Oh, she landed George Clooney. But Ms. Alamuddin is an amazingly smart international lawyer. She speaks three languages fluently. She travels the world doing good work. Isn't she kind of marrying down?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I mean, people say Clooney is pretty smart, but let's be honest, he's kind of beautiful-person smart.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: One clue, he heard that in England, she works as a barrister. And he said to himself, well, that's great. She'll be able to make me all those fancy coffee drinks whenever I want.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: And I'll never have to worry about falling on the stairs again.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: If...

FELBER: Wait for it.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That's a slow one. Carl, how did Rokee do on our quiz?

KASELL: Well, she got three right, Peter. So I'll be doing the message on her voicemail.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done, Rokee.

RAHIM: Yay.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing.

RAHIM: Thank you, guys.

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