Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Who's Carl This Time

Carl Kasell reads three quotes from the week's news: Face the Elevator Music, Google Be Gone, Under the Sea.

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CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME! the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. And here's your host at the Warner Theatre in Washington, D.C., Peter Sagal.

(CHEERS, APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thanks, Carl. Thanks, everybody. Man, I can already tell this is going to be like The Beatles at Shea Stadium. I can tell.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We've got a great show for you today. We've got John Podesta. He's the former White House chief of staff, current counselor to the president. He'll be here to tell us if they really walk and talk in the West Wing.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But first, as many of you know, this is Carl Kasell's last show with us before becoming our scorekeeper emeritus.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We thought about doing an hour-long special of nothing but tributes to Carl. And we could do that, believe me. But we wanted to send Carl out the way he wants - by simply doing a good radio show.

KASELL: Why start now, Peter?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You'll still be able to win Carl's voice on your voicemail. That won't change. But if you want to talk to the man himself, this is your chance. Call us at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

ANDREW LAKIM: Hi, this is Andrew Lakim (ph) from Manhattan, Kan.

SAGAL: How are things in Manhattan, Kan.?

LAKIM: They are beautiful. May is the best time of year around here.

SAGAL: Is - tell me the ways in which Manhattan, Kan., is better than any other Manhattan I might think of.

(LAUGHTER)

LAKIM: And which of the Manhattans might that one be, Peter?

SAGAL: I don't know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Andrew. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, a writer for The Washington Post, Ms. Roxanne Roberts.

(APPLAUSE)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Hello.

LAKIM: Hey, Roxanne.

SAGAL: Next, a correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning" and the host of the Emmy-nominated show "My Grandmother's Ravioli," it's Mo Rocca.

(APPLAUSE)

MO ROCCA: Hi, Andrew.

SAGAL: And a comedian performing at the Variety Playhouse in Atlanta, Ga., on July 25, Paula Poundstone is here with us.

(APPLAUSE)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Hey.

LAKIM: Hey, Paula.

SAGAL: You're going to play Who's Carl This Time? Carl Kasell, right here, shall now read you three quotations from the week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you'll win our prize - Carl Kasell's voice on your very own voicemail. Are you ready to play?

LAKIM: Let's do this.

SAGAL: All right. Let's go to the top of the news for your first quote.

KASELL: She attacked Jay-Z. That's the first hit she's had in years.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was one of the many comments online to the story of who attacking Jay-Z this week?

LAKIM: Was that Beyonce's sister?

SAGAL: It was Beyonce's sister.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Solange Knowles.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So it all happened last week after the Met Gala in New York, when Beyonce, along with Jay-Z, better known as Beyonce's husband; and Solange Knowles, better known as Beyonce's sister; and Beyonce's bodyguard, better known as the world's luckiest bodyguard...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Got into a hotel elevator and all hell broke loose. If you've seen it - and I'm sure you have, being NPR listeners...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...All of a sudden, Solange just sort of goes for Jay-Z; hits him with her purse, kicks him. Instantly, this leaked surveillance video became this generation's Zapruder film.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What inspired the fight? Did Jay-Z retaliate? How many blows did Solange land with her handbag? Was there a second purse?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: What did he know, and when did he know it?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, did you guys see this tape?

ROBERTS: I saw it. I found it so comforting.

SAGAL: What?

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Well, it's just so nice to know that people who are incredibly rich, incredibly famous - incredibly everything - have the same kind of family dramas that we all do.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: It's Thanksgiving.

SAGAL: Wait a minute.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So this struck you as familiar. Do you attack your sister's husband...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...In elevators?

POUNDSTONE: I don't have a sister but, you know, I'm not saying I wouldn't, under the right circumstances.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I should say that Beyonce and her husband and sister have put out a statement saying they all love each other, but they have challenges just like any other family. Meanwhile, the hotel where it all happened has put up signs saying in case of fire or Beyonce's relatives kicking Jay-Z, please take the stairs.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: By the way, they don't have the same challenges as the rest of us.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You don't think so?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Say it.

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: First of all, if someone attacks me in an elevator, I'm just going to get the stuffing kicked out of me.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I don't have a bodyguard.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Maybe this is a reason to get one.

ROCCA: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: Right off the bat, that's a difference, I think, in our lives.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Many of my albums have not sold as well.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next quote.

(LAUGHTER)

KASELL: Now's your chance to get rid of those awful '90s photos that somehow surfaced.

SAGAL: That was Business Insider, talking about a ruling that we have the right for embarrassing pasts to be forgotten where?

LAKIM: On the Internet.

SAGAL: Exactly. On the Internet, is the answer.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good. Yes.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A European court, in a ruling this week, took a big step toward establishing a new human right - the right to be forgotten; that is, to have embarrassing stuff removed from Google and other search results. You could demand, with this right, to have anything deleted - embarrassing photos, a crime report, the video of that time you beat up your sister's husband in an elevator...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Somewhere, Anthony Weiner just turned to his wife and said: You know where I've always wanted to live? Belgium.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Basically, I mean, so you can just erase all the embarrassing photos in your youth. A European judge just came up with the cure for college.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Think of it this way - it's sort of a morning after pill for the Internet.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Justin Bieber is going to be so happy.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, very good. Your last quote comes from CNN.

KASELL: For all the stories about what we can't find, here's a story about something they may have actually found.

SAGAL: That was your world leader in Malaysian Airlines coverage, talking about another discovery this week that's been missing since 1492. What was it?

LAKIM: The Santa Maria.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed. the Santa Maria.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Every schoolchild knows that the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Maria were the ships that Columbus sailed on in 1492 across the ocean blue, to impose a colonial hegemony on the indigenous peoples - ooh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Santa Maria has been lost ever since it ran aground off Haiti right after Columbus "discovered it," quote-unquote. Now we knew it had sunk; nobody knew where. For 500 years, CNN has been reporting on the missing Santa Maria.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I don't understand. So the - so they came over on the three boats.

SAGAL: Yes.

POUNDSTONE: Right. And then...

SAGAL: One sank.

POUNDSTONE: One sank on the way?

SAGAL: No. It sank very soon after they got there.

POUNDSTONE: OK. How did it sink near Haiti after they got to here?

SAGAL: Well, by here, I am generally indicating the hemisphere.

ROCCA: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Well, that's...

SAGAL: I mean, sort of here, you know, the New World.

POUNDSTONE: Thank goodness you're not steering.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Making fun of the capital.

POUNDSTONE: They made it to the hemisphere?

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: That's - I don't see that as a good reason to give him a whole day.

ROCCA: Well, it's actually - the holiday is really named for the capital of Ohio. It has nothing to do with...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: It had nothing to do with that guy.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. Well - and why would they name the capital of Ohio after a guy who made it to this hemisphere? He was nowhere near Ohio.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Andrew do on our quiz?

KASELL: Andrew, you had three correct answers, so I'll be doing the message on your voicemail or home answering machine.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations, Andrew.

LAKIM: Thank you, Peter.

SAGAL: Take care.

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