Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Bluff The Listener

Our panelists tell three stories about what happens when a fairy tale comes to life, only one of which is true.

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BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Shelby Fero, Roxanne Roberts, and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Right now, it's time for the WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

EVAN: Hi. This is Evan from Miami.

SAGAL: Hey, how are things in Miami, Evan?

EVAN: Good. A little toasty now.

SAGAL: A little toasty. Summer in Miami gets a little warm.

EVAN: Yeah, it's hot. And I guess, yesterday we heard Lebron may be leaving the Heat, as well.

SAGAL: Oh, no. Is that - are you sad about that?

EVAN: Well...

(LAUGHTER)

EVAN: (Laughing).

SAGAL: You sound like a diehard fan.

LUKE BURBANK: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Evan, welcome to the show. You're going to play our game in which you must have to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Evan's topic?

KURTIS: Once upon a time.

SAGAL: Every kid grows up believing in fairy tales. But seriously, have you ever thought about, say, how painful it would be to really wear a glass slipper or kiss a frog. This week, though, we saw what happens when a story from a fairytale truly comes to life. Guess that real-life fairytale and you'll win fairy godfather Carl Kassel's voice on your voicemail. Ready to play?

EVAN: I'm ready to go.

SAGAL: All right. Let's hear from our first storyteller, Roxanne Roberts.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Once upon a time, there was a Dallas cowboy cheerleader named Cissy Patterson (ph) who was the fairest of them all until last year when 22-year-old Mallory Edmonds (ph) joined the squad. Mallory quickly became a fan favorite and was promoted to co-captain, a job Cissy thought she deserved. So Cissy concocted an evil plan to dethrone her young rival. She would make her fat.

Cowboy cheerleaders are kicked off the squad if they gain more than five pounds above their hiring weight. As Mallory's workout coach, Cissy gave her smoothies and snacks secretly laced with protein powder and hidden sugars designed to pack on pounds. The jig was up when Mallory fainted at a charity twerking contest and doctors diagnosed elevated amounts of protein and testosterone in her system. Cissy was kicked off the squad and is now working as a life coach on Wall Street.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Snow white reenacted.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: From the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Squad. Your next story of a childhood story coming to life comes from Luke Burbank.

BURBANK: Back in the early 1800s, the Grimm brothers and set many of their fairytales in the worst place they could think of, the Black Forest. Why? Because they never heard of Florida.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: That's exactly where 19-year-old Chancy Layton decided to go all Goldilocks on it recently when she broke into a St. Augustine home, changed into the owner's pajamas, made some dinner, and then, exhausted from her larceny, fell asleep on the couch.

Upon arriving home later that night, the humans who owned the house startled Layton, who jumped up and ran out. Fortunately for law enforcement, she left behind her purse and her passport, so she was easily tracked down. When caught, she claimed that someone named Jeremy had told her it was OK to stay in the house and that she should enter through a window, you know, like you do.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Layton is currently out on $8,000 bail. No word on how things are going between her and Jeremy, who may or may not be a gingerbread man she met on Tinder who totally gets her.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Goldilocks in Florida as a couple of humans, not bears, come home to find a blonde girl sleeping in their bed.

Your last story of real people acting like storybook characters comes from Shelby Fero.

SHELBY FERO: Little Bo Peep has lost her sheep and doesn't know where to find them. Leave them alone and they'll come home, unless of course you leave them unattended at the airport. Then TSA tends to step in.

Such was the case in one Nevada airport where a duffel bag full of toys, including stuffed sheep, was reported missing by one frantic the passenger. He approached security claiming to have left it at a Wolfgang Puck Express where he had eaten lunch before the flight for just a moment while he used the restroom and that they were birthday presents for his daughter. The bag had in fact been spotted by security, who found a surprise waiting for them among the furry creatures inside. And no, it wasn't a wolf in sheep's clothing they saw, but about eight pounds of cocaine in sheep's clothing...

(LAUGHTER)

FERO: ...Along with three little pigs stuffed full of meth, a big bad wolf filled with heroine, and a little Jack and the Beanstalk holding three magic Vicodins.

(LAUGHTER)

FERO: Surprisingly, the TSA failed to bust him for the bottle of water that turned out to be a bottle of water.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Which of these was the real story in this week's news? Which fairytale, if you will, came to life? Was it from Roxanne - Snow White, when a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader tries to poison another so she can be still the fairest of them all? From Luke Burbank - Goldilocks, when a young woman, a young blonde woman falls asleep in a home in Florida only to be discovered by the irate owners? Or from Shelby Fero - Little Bo Peep, who lost his sheep, which happened to be filled with cocaine?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Which of these is the real story of a fairytale in the week's news?

EVAN: I think I'm going to have to go with the Florida story.

SAGAL: You're going to go with the Florida story, which is Goldilocks?

EVAN: Yeah, Goldilocks was the second story.

SAGAL: Little blonde girl falling asleep inside the house. Well, to find out the correct answer, we spoke to someone familiar with the story.

RACHEL ZARRELL: You know, just like Goldilocks broke into the three bears' house, this girl did the exact same thing. She wanted food. She wanted a nice place to crash. And just like Goldilocks, she got caught.

SAGAL: That was Rachel Zarrell, a breaking news reporter for BuzzFeed, talking about the Goldilocks robber. Congratulations, Evan. You got it right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In fact, for telling the truth...

BURBANK: You've won a point for him.

SAGAL: You've won our prize. Carl Kassel will record the greeting on your voicemail. Well done. Thank you so much for playing, Evan.

EVAN: Great. Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

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