Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!


Bill reads three news-related limericks: Girly Gouda, Put A Degree On It and McMatrimony

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'Cause how often does that happen? Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.


SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

CARLA: My name is Carla.

SAGAL: Hey, Carla. Where are you calling from?

CARLA: I'm in Charlotte, North Carolina.

SAGAL: Oh, that's awesome. Charlotte is a great place.

CARLA: Woo, I just heard somebody yell.

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: In your house? Get out.

SAGAL: Carla, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: You women like cheese with some frill, and low-fat just gives you a thrill. Now you won't have to snack on Monterey Jack, for ladies there's Monterey...

SAGAL: Rhymes with thrill or frill. Also comes paired with Jack.

CARLA: Jill?

SAGAL: Jill, yes - Monterey Jill.


SAGAL: You've heard of Monterey Jack cheese, right? Now there's Monterey Jill cheese. That's what Lucerne, the dairy company, calls their cheese for women - Monterey Jill. Anyway, their lady cheese contains less fat and it comes in a lavender package. The fact that there's lady cheese now means there also must be man cheese, which is the grossest word we can ever think of.


SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: Sample test, what's her favorite meat entrée? How long was she Jay-Z's fiancé? Not multiple choice, how great is her voice? I'm acing my class on

CARLA: Beyonce.

SAGAL: Yes, Beyonce.


SAGAL: There is a new offering in the women's studies department at the University of Victoria in Canada - Beyonce 101. Greatest news for Beyonce fans and philosophy majors who finally have people they are more employable than. According to the professor, the class will, quote, "explore how we can situate popular music as a cultural construct" yada, yada. There is one prerequisite - you must be ready for this jelly.


SAGAL: All right, here's your last limerick.

KURTIS: Down the aisle with my bride I am heading, but a large scale to-do I am dreading. There's no three-tiered cake, just fries and a shake. McDonald's hosting our...

CARLA: Wedding.

SAGAL: Right, wedding.


SAGAL: Mcdonald's in Hong Kong has become the wedding venue of choice for young couples, so they have, you know, many happy memories of becoming obese together there. There's the deluxe package, which offers balloons, decorations and the vows officiated by the justice of the McCheese. Mcdonald's is also covering medical expenses for when the bride and groom fail to read the instructions on the wedding hot apple pie.


SAGAL: Bill, how did Carla do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Three and 0 for Carla.

SAGAL: There you are, well done.


SAGAL: Congratulations, Carla. Thanks for playing.


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Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!