Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Bluff The Listener

Our panelists tell three stories about a particularly enthusiastic bargain hunter, only one of which is true.

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BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Brian Babylon, Amy Dickinson and Luke Burbank. And here again is your host at the Nourse

Theatre in San Francisco, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. Thanks, Bill. Right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

MARK SIMPSON: Peter, this is Mark Simpson. I'm calling from Rohnert Park, California.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Hey, Mark. How are you? Now where is Rohnert Park?

SIMPSON: Yeah. It doesn't ring a lot of bells, does it?

SAGAL: No, it doesn't.

SIMPSON: About 60 miles north of you up Highway 101.

SAGAL: Up Highway 101 So you're like Sonoma, Napa. Where are you?

SIMPSON: Southern Sonoma County.

SAGAL: Southern Sonoma County. It is beautiful there. I imagine it's just, like, you have vineyards, bed and breakfasts, another vineyard, a bed breakfast, a yoga studio. Am I about right?

SIMPSON: Yeah, you're right on track there.

SAGAL: There you go. That's great.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, it's nice to have you with us, Mark. You're going to play the game in which you must try to tell the truth from fiction. Bill, what is Mark's topic?

KURTIS: Buy two, get me free.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Time is money. Money doesn't grow on trees. and that means nobody has the time anymore to climb trees to not find any money. I don't know what I just said, but the point is we have to do what we can to save. And this week, we heard about somebody who had a great, if unusual, idea to cut down on expenses. Each of our panelists has a money-making scheme for you. Only one is real. Pick that real one, and win our prize, Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

SIMPSON: I am ready to go.

SAGAL: All right, let's hear from first Luke Burbank.

LUKE BURBANK: Finding love after 40 can be challenging under even the best of circumstances, let alone when you're 46, living in Bismarck, North Dakota and on a tight budget. And yet, that's exactly where Bernie LeFever found himself last year. I didn't have the money for one of those fancy online dating services he told the bridge Bismarck Tribune. I was hearing about all these dating sites - Tinder and Grinder. So I says to myself, what about scanner? Scanner, it turns out, was the police and fire scanner Bernie had in his 1987 Chevy Citation. The dispatchers are real good about telling the police and fire folks if it's a lady that got into a fender bender. But they don't usually say if she's single so I'll take a drive out there to see for myself.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: So far, Bernie has landed four dates from showing up at minor accidents and medical emergencies. There's something about a sprained ankle or fainting in a Red Lobster that really seems to pull a lady in a real agreeable state of mind to talk to me, Bernie says.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Sometimes I think it's because I get there before the ambulance and maybe they think I'm the paramedic. Or maybe it's because their life just flashed before their eyes, and they're reaching out to literally any other human who's nearby. But that's no matter. I ain't picky.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A man figures out he can save money by using his police scanner.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Rather than some a app like Tinder. Your next story of a bargain being mercilessly hunted comes from Brian Babylon.

BRIAN BABYLON: One of the drawbacks of pot legalization in Denver is it can wreck a budget. So pot shops are coming up with ways to give loyal customers a break. Deltron Cannabis Care recently held its first annual bloodshot eyes wide-open contest, which awards a free month's supply of weed to whoever can stay awake the longest after consuming one of their famously strong pot brownies. As you can imagine, customers rushed to sign up, or they rather shuffled slowly to sign up some with their eyelids taped open, others wearing beer helmets filled with 5 Hour Energy drink. Competitor opio Lindsay told the Denver Post I slept 27 hours last night so I can be awake today.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Boulder resident Rebecca's Screck was winner when she stayed awake for 12 whole minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: Well, she actually wasn't crowned until three days later when she finally woke up.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: You know, it's been two weeks since we were in Colorado. You ought to be over that by now.

BABYLON: I know. I know. I know. It's residual effects.

SAGAL: A Colorado pot shop holds a contest to see who can stay awake the longest to get them free merchandise. Your last story of someone going to great lengths for value comes from Amy Dickinson.

AMY DICKINSON: Everybody likes a bargain. And nobody likes to pay for something they don't need. So British man David Rainsford's fight with his local eyeglasses, shop Spec Savers, makes perfect sense. The drama takes place in the most British town ever, a little hamlet called Cramlington.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Rainsford lost his right eye when he was a teenager. Now he and his optician don't quite see eyes to eye.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: They're locked in a fight to have the cost of an eye exam cut in half because one of his eyes is a glass prosthesis.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: In a case closely watched by pirates...

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: ...And the Sandy Duncan...

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: ...So far, the optometrist has refused to cut his prices.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right. Here are your choices. Was the true story from Luke Burbank, the man who saved money by using a police scanner instead of one of those apps for dating? Was it from Brian Babylon - a pot shop in Colorado which drew all kinds of people out to see if they could stay awake in order to win some free merchandise? Or from Amy Dickenson, the one-eyed man in Cramlington in England who demands that he should only pay half price for an eye exam 'cause he's only got one eye?

(APPLAUSE)

SIMPSON: OK. You're sure one of these is my really true?

SAGAL: We are absolutely certain.

SIMPSON: OK. I think I got to go with Amy.

SAGAL: You're going to go with Amy's story.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The man with one eye who feels that he should pay only for one eye to be examined. Well, we actually spoke to the person who had gotten this tremendous bargain or at least wants it.

DAVID RAINSFORD: If an eye test costs with 25 pounds, wouldn't you believe that anybody with only one eye would only have to pay 12.50 pounds.

SAGAL: That was David Rainsford from Cramlington, the U.K. who had hoped having just one eye would get him a half-price eye exam. Congratulations, Mark. You got it right. Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SIMPSON: Thank you so much.

SAGAL: You earned a point for Amy. You've one hour prize. Carl Kasell, our scorekeeper emeritus will record the greeting on your voicemail. You did so well. Thank you so much for playing.

SIMPSON: My pleasure. Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(APPLAUSE)

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Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!