Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!

Panel Round Two

More questions for the panel: Captain Outrageous; Sudden Surge in Subscription Sales.

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BILL KURTIS, BYLINE: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We're playing this week with Paula Poundstone, Maz Jobrani and Alonzo Bodden. And here again is your host at the Nourse Theater in San Francisco, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. In a just a minute, Bill escapes from rhyme-atraz with this week's limericks. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel some more questions for you from the week's news. Alonzo, as you know, Warren Buffet and Bill Gates have challenged the world's super-rich to give half their money to charity. Well, according to The New York Times, many billionaires say they're doing just as much good by doing what instead?

ALONZO BODDEN: Paying taxes?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Oh, that's right. They don't do that. They're leaving it in their will. They're giving billions to charity.

SAGAL: No, I'll give you a hint. If you're a billionaire, you get to do this. You get to feel good about your contribution, and you get to sail to Saint Bart's.

BODDEN: Spending money, buying yachts?

SAGAL: Buying yachts, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The New York Times proved just how much it endorses marijuana when they published this article.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They wrote about a St. Louis-based millionaire named Dennis Jones. And he says the $34 million yacht he bought was not so much a gift to himself as it was a gift to the shipyard who built it because it provided them jobs. He - no, he made this case. He's still deciding whether to name the 164-foot luxury yacht Don't Thank Me, Giving Back, or You're Welcome, Hobos.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: I obviously don't make that kind of money. But I did the same thing with Yahtzee.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. Doing your thing for Parker Brothers. I appreciate that.

POUNDSTONE: Which, yeah. Which is, you know, the people who worked in the factories where they put the dots...

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: On the cubes - who otherwise would have been closed down.

MAZ JOBRANI: Is that game still available?

POUNDSTONE: I love that game.

JOBRANI: Thank you, thank you.

POUNDSTONE: My daughter Toshia got five Yahtzees in one game one time.

SAGAL: Whoa.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. That's unbelievable, isn't it?

SAGAL: That's a highlight.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. I think she cheats.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Paula, more and more states are following California. They're legalizing same-sex marriage. But until this week, it seemed like one thing was missing for gay people to be completely accepted by mainstream society. But it finally happened, though, when what was published for the first time?

POUNDSTONE: Can you give me a hint?

SAGAL: Well, it was published - and this is important - in Cosmo, Cosmopolitan magazine.

POUNDSTONE: Cosmopolitan magazine.

SAGAL: Cosmo's been doing this for years for straight couples, but now they've finally done it for same-sex couples...

POUNDSTONE: Oh.

SAGAL: Showing that they've arrived.

POUNDSTONE: Positions?

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Well, more or less. Cosmo published a list of 28 ways to drive your same-sex partner wild in bed. In its century-long history, Cosmopolitan magazine has published a total of 68,234 ways to drive your man crazy in bed. Yet, strangely, the men of America remain sane.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, this month, for the first time...

POUNDSTONE: No, they don't.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, if they are...Let me just say this.

POUNDSTONE: How cute that you think that.

SAGAL: Speaking as an American man, if we are crazy, it's not because of that, OK?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This month, for the first time, Cosmo unveiled, quote, "28 mind-blowing lesbian sex positions." It's a great how-to for a fraction of the cost of tuition at Smith.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Do they show pictures of the positions, or...

SAGAL: Tasteful drawings.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, tasteful drawings. Are there arrows?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Is there movement in the drawing? You know what I mean, like when I used to fall...

SAGAL: Yeah, like little motion pictures - squiggles and exclamation points.

POUNDSTONE: Is it like - like Twister - right hand, left buttocks?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's somewhere between a space shuttle manual and an IKEA instruction booklet. You know, it's, like, in that middle space.

BODDEN: There's not much space between those two.

SAGAL: I know...

JOBRANI: Does it have an age warning? - because after a certain age, you don't want to try some of those moves, you know what I'm saying?

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Do not mistake it for an IKEA manual because those allen wrenches hurt if applied incorrectly.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: You know, every male friend that I've ever had and asked them to help me put together something that came with instructions, the first thing they do is lay the pieces out and go, well, it - they didn't send you what they're supposed to -it's broken, basically. It's broken. And I wonder, do they do that in a - you know, when they go towards the instruction and they look at one another...

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Paula...

POUNDSTONE: It's not going to work. It's not going to work. We don't have all the parts.

(APPLAUSE)

BODDEN: Paula, let me speak for the American male...

SAGAL: Please do, Alonzo.

BODDEN: And let you know that we have never broke out an issue of Cosmo and said, let me read the instructions on how to operate this.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And I don't think any man has ever looked at a woman and said, no, I don't think we have all the parts.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We've always been very satisfied - we'll make do with what there. We'll improvise.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: If the parts are available, we'll use them.

SAGAL: Absolutely.

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Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!