NPR logo
Limericks
  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/462485805/462492109" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Limericks

Limericks

Limericks
  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/462485805/462492109" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

Bill reads three news-related limericks...A Face For WiFi; Sex Symbol; Manscape of the Month

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on-air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. You can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and when we go on the road. And be sure to check out the latest edition of the "How To Do Everything" podcast. This week, an all-animal episode with bulls, bears and the wild, untamed, Peter Sagal.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME.

SONYA ROSEN: Hello?

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

ROSEN: Is this the planet Earth?

SAGAL: It is. Oh, yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm afraid you have the right number.

ROSEN: Oh, good.

SAGAL: Where are you calling from?

ROSEN: I'm calling from Marblehead, Mass. I'm Sonya.

SAGAL: Marblehead, Mass.?

ROSEN: Yeah.

SAGAL: I know Marblehead very well. I spent almost all my summers there growing up.

ROSEN: Indeed.

SAGAL: And what do you do there in beautiful Marblehead?

ROSEN: Well, mostly nowadays I veg around on the couch when I'm not at school in New York.

AMY DICKINSON: Honey, is it you? I thought you were one of my kids.

SAGAL: Oh, yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, welcome to our show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Are you ready to play?

ROSEN: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: My dating account is inactive 'cause the website has gotten proactive. Turns out they're A.I. says don't date this guy. He's old and he's just not...

ROSEN: I don't know. Reactive?

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Probably.

SAGAL: You mean like he's a noble gas?

(LAUGHTER)

ROSEN: That was the first thing I thought of when I was saying reactive. I don't know about you, Peter.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

ROSEN: Oh, attractive.

SAGAL: Exactly, right, attractive.

KURTIS: Yes, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: So a new dating app is taking the sting out of online dating and replacing it with blunt force trauma. So normally you rely on other, say, Tinder users to let you know how unattractive you are by ignoring you. But this new dating app - it's BlinQ with a Q - they use science to do it. The app has artificial intelligence. It analyzes your photo, other data. It issues one of six ratings from - and this is true - from the lowest rating is hmm and then OK. And it works all the way up to stunning and then Godlike.

ROY BLOUNT, JR.: The lowest rating is hmm?

SAGAL: The lowest rating is hmm.

DICKINSON: Eh.

SAGAL: It's like hmm. It's more like you say, hey man, let me show you a picture of my girlfriend. And they go, hmm.

BLOUNT, JR.: Yeah, right.

SAGAL: The real lowest rating is, I know her mother. Would you do me a favor?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right. Well, Sonya, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: I'm smartphone adept. No old foji The ladies know they can approaj me. When I swipe and sext you all, it will not be textual. Just a wink and a fruit-shaped...

ROSEN: Emoji.

SAGAL: Emoji.

KURTIS: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Everybody loves Emojis. We all use them.

KURTIS: Of course we thought nobody would get that.

SAGAL: Yeah, little winky/smiley faces, the happy thumbs-up. But a survey out this week correlates people who use a lot of Emojis with the people who think most about sex.

GREG PROOPS: Even us, the godlike people?

SAGAL: Even you, Greg, the Godlike.

DICKINSON: Also I think this has revealed the real challenge of rhyming anything with Emoji, basically.

SAGAL: It's true.

DICKINSON: But you got there. That was good.

SAGAL: You did.

KURTIS: Yeah, we got there.

DICKINSON: Yeah.

SAGAL: Sonya, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: I'm hirsute. Rest assured, there's no lack there. I'm part Wookie, part wolf and part black bear. My friend was real brave. He clipped, trimmed and shaved and carved bold brunette art in my...

ROSEN: Back hair.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Back hair.

KURTIS: How about that?

SAGAL: An Idaho man, or possibly a short brown bear, has released a calendar with each month featuring a different image...

DICKINSON: No.

SAGAL: ...Shaved into his hairy back.

DICKINSON: No.

SAGAL: Yes.

DICKINSON: No.

SAGAL: It's the perfect gift for someone who wants to know what day it is and also wants to barf. For January...

DICKINSON: Oh my god.

SAGAL: This is true. January, the man's back is shaved into little picture of two champagne glasses for the New Year.

DICKINSON: Oh my god.

SAGAL: July is back hair American flag.

DICKINSON: Oh no, not back hair American flag.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, you might look at these pictures and say, come on, that's not art. My kid could shave a flag into his back hair.

PROOPS: The back hair calendar is also letting everyone know that he is no longer sexually available.

SAGAL: Yes, that's true.

(LAUGHTER)

PROOPS: Because it forms an anti-chick perimeter.

DICKINSON: Definitely.

PROOPS: In its very existence.

DICKINSON: Can you imagine, like, going home with this guy and just discovering this on your own?

PROOPS: Especially when it says surprise when you get his shirt off.

DICKINSON: Terrifying.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Terrifying.

PROOPS: You have already won.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT, JR.: You know, even...

PROOPS: What if your name was carved in it already?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Sonya do on our quiz?

KURTIS: For Sonya, I think we should grant a perfect score.

SAGAL: I think we will.

KURTIS: She got the hard ones.

(APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: Thanks, Sonya.

SAGAL: Well done. Congratulations Sonya.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HAIR")

UNIDENTIFIED SINGERS: (Singing) The wonder of my hair. Hair, hair, hair, hair, hair, hair. Flow it, show it, long as I can grow it, my hair.

Copyright © 2016 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.

Comments

 

Please keep your community civil. All comments must follow the NPR.org Community rules and terms of use, and will be moderated prior to posting. NPR reserves the right to use the comments we receive, in whole or in part, and to use the commenter's name and location, in any medium. See also the Terms of Use, Privacy Policy and Community FAQ.