Bluff The Listener
BILL KURTIS: From NPR WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis, and we are playing this week with Bobcat Goldthwait, Roxanne Roberts and Mo Rocca. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, filling in for Peter Sagal, Mike Pesca.
MIKE PESCA, HOST:
Thank you, Bill. Right now, it's time to play the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff The Listener game. Call 1-888-WAIT-WAIT to play the game on our air. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT…DON'T TELL ME.
JULIA PERLMAN: Hi, this is Julia Perlman from Reston, Va.
PESCA: Hi, Julia. What do you do there in Reston?
PERLMAN: I am a consultant for Oracle.
PESCA: What do you do in your free time besides this excellent computer consulting thing?
PERLMAN: Well, I love to go hiking. I'm actually from Chicago originally, so I try to get back down there whenever I have time.
PESCA: Well, I don't know if that's true, but you've certainly pandered to the audience here today.
PESCA: Well, it is nice to have you with us, Julia. You're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is the topic?
KURTIS: How I met your mother.
PESCA: So people are looking to pair up, and they have all sorts of options these days. There's actual Cupid, there's OkCupid, there is That Is Not OK, Cupid. This week, we have a story about a couple finding each other in a surprising way. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. You have to pick the one that's telling the truth and you will win our prize - Carl Kasell's voice in your voicemail. Are you ready to play?
PERLMAN: I am ready.
PESCA: All right, first up we have Bobcat Goldthwait.
BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: It was love and bullets in the air when hostage negotiator Amy Sloschenberg answered the call to a bank robbery in progress. The last thing Amy thought was that she would be falling in love. But that's exactly what happened when her eyes met kidnapper and bank robber Justin "Shorty" Zafiro. Zafiro had taken in the bank manager, a teller and a guard dog hostage during a failed robbery attempt at Cartwright Bank in East Syracuse, N.Y. Sloschenberg said, I was extremely proud that no one was hurt that day, and the fact that I met the love of my life was just frosting on the cake. You can't pick who you fall for. The heart wants what the heart wants, recalled Amy. When I saw his smile underneath his ski mask, I could tell that...
GOLDTHWAIT: ...He was different than the other guys I had dated. Up until then, I'd only gone out with cops.
GOLDTHWAIT: After Shorty served 8-year sentence, the first thing he did as a free man was to propose to Sloschenberg. This time, there was not going to be any negotiating.
GOLDTHWAIT: Amy said I was willing to meet all of his demands. But soon things soured for the lovebirds and Shorty was back in the slammer. Shorty had gotten Amy's wedding, engagement rings from a home robbery.
GOLDTHWAIT: Sure, I was disappointed but I should've seen it coming, she said. I guess there's a reason they tell you never to date anyone you work with.
PESCA: All right, that tale of a robber who took a negotiator's heart hostage from Bobcat Goldthwait. Your next story of modern love comes from Roxanne Roberts.
ROXANNE ROBERTS: When Dr. Julia Harrison first set eyes on Marco Besamante, she noticed his thick hair, his beautiful eyes and his really big nose. Even for the New York plastic surgeon, who's seen plenty of oversized honkers, this was a very large nose. The young opera singer had come to Harrison in despair believing that his nose not only prevented him from landing leading-man roles but that it was a disaster for his love life. But a nose job could damage his silky tenor voice. So the two worked together for a year running tests, researching new techniques, interviewing other singers who had the procedure. Besamante decided to go ahead. But on the morning of the operation, Harrison closed the pre-op curtain, got down on one knee and proposed. Quote, "I told him I loved him with or without his nose and wanted to marry him," she told New York magazine. He said yes. The operation was a success. And Harrison says she's looking forward to having, quote, lots of of big-nosed babies.
PESCA: All right, a nasally prominent opera singer from Roxanne Roberts. Your last story of a match made somewhere other than heaven comes from Mo Rocca.
MO ROCCA: No woman wants to be whistled at by a construction worker. She'd much rather be cat-called by a garbage collector, right? Strange then that when Chris Miko yelled out hey, hot stuff to Amy Ambrosino from the back of his garbage truck, she wasn't charmed. In fact, she thought he was kind of - well, trashy. Fast forward two years when Amy, sporting a new pair of Uggs, walked into a party and saw Chris asleep on a couch under a newspaper. But this is a new, more suave Chris. "Why does every girl wear those Ugg boots? They're hideous," he said, and started harassing her about everything she was wearing, then followed her into another room and started banging on drums while she was trying to make a call. It was clear - Chris was in love. Later, after days of harassing her via text, Amy agreed to go out with Chris. Two years later, they were married. Their wedding was WWE-themed - presumably Chris' idea. So ladies, next time a stranger catcalls you, insults you then starts stalking you, call the police. This is the only time something like this has ever worked out, which is why I'm reading it on national radio right now.
PESCA: All right, Julia, let's recap. Bobcat told you about the hostage of the heart. Roxanne spoke of the surgeon and the schnoz (ph). And then we had Mo talking about the garbageman's catcall that actually worked. Which one of those is real?
PERLMAN: Goodness, so they're all very unbelievable. I think I'm going to have to go with B, the doctor.
PESCA: The doctor - Roxanne's story. Well, to find the correct answer, we spoke to someone intimately familiar with the real story.
CHRIS MIKO: I was a trash man. One day, I was just driving along and I saw this, and I just kind of yelled hey. She just kind of give me a dirty look. And then we got married, of course.
PESCA: That was Chris Miko, the cat caller who found love. I am sorry, Julia, Mo had the real answer. You didn't win, but you did earn a point for Roxanne. Congratulations, Roxanne.
ROBERTS: Julia, I'm sorry. I always feel bad.
PESCA: Thanks for playing with us, Julia. Take care.
PERLMAN: Thanks for having me. Bye-bye.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "LOVE STINKS")
THE J. GEILS BAND: (Singing) Love stinks, love stinks, yeah, yeah. Love stinks, love stinks, yeah, yeah. Love stinks, love stinks, yeah, yeah. Love stinks, love stinks...
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