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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks
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Bill reads three news-related limericks...Hurl-ritos; Fed Icks; iHook

MIKE PESCA, HOST:

Coming up it's Lightning Fill In The Blanks. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on-air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888- 924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and also check out How To Do Everything. That's the podcast where, this week, they dig an escape tunnel like El Chapo without having to meet Sean Penn.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Hello, you are on WAIT WAIT ...DON'T TELL ME!

KATHRYN TAYLOR: Hi.

PESCA: Hi. Who's this?

TAYLOR: This is Kathryn calling from Cleveland, Ohio.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: Cleveland. How are you, Kathryn?

TAYLOR: So wonderful, thank you.

PESCA: And how'd you get - how'd you come to Cleveland? What brought you to Cleveland? I'm sure there's an origin story.

TAYLOR: There is an origin story. I'm from Cleveland, but I moved away and spent the last several years in Colorado, where I met my husband. And then I dragged him back to Ohio with me.

PESCA: Was he a garbage man who catcalled you?

TAYLOR: (Laughter) No.

PESCA: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: That was the politest way I've ever heard anyone say cram it.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Well, I want to welcome you to the show, Kathryn. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. You can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks. That will make you a winner. Here's our first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Chipotle love, nothing can calm it. The health code is there, but they bomb it. You think salmonella stops this hungry fella? I still go thought it might make me...

TAYLOR: Vomit.

KURTIS: Yo.

PESCA: Vomit, yup.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Good.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: According to The Washington Post, diehard Chipotle fans aren't letting burritos riddled with norovirus stop them from eat there. If they're lucky, they might just enjoy these burritos twice.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: One person profiled in the piece said, quote, "I love Chipotle, and you have to take risks when it comes to love."

Yeah, live a little. Barf like no one is watching.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: Oh, God. If Donald Trump promised to deport those people he would win my support right now.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: That's really sick.

PESCA: All right, let's go to the next limerick.

KURTIS: Though Amazon helps the consumer, they grow like an uncontrolled bloomer. Thought it wasn't malignant, I got quite indignant. FedEx delivered a...

TAYLOR: Tumor.

PESCA: It was a tumor.

KURTIS: Tumor is right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: I thought you would never get that.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: When British man James Potten got a package from FedEx, he assumed it was the new Kindle he'd ordered. Instead, the box had instructions that read specimen return kit, patient tumor enclosed.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: It wasn't a literal attempt at viral marketing. It was an actual tumor. It seems gross, but you know, if you're going to get a tumor, let it be in the mail.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Mr. Potten eventually got his Kindle, and the tumor was delivered to a nearby hospital where it tested as benign, though Michiko Kakutani of The New York Times called it, quote, "a nearly impossible read that was both derivative and uniquely disappointing."

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: I'm going to wait till the movie version of the tumor comes out. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: When I'm fishing, the lines drive me crazy. All the waiting beers make me feel hazy. No more fish will I lose when I snooze on this cruise because my app helps me be extra...

TAYLOR: Lazy?

KURTIS: Lazy.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes.

PESCA: Yup.

KURTIS: Lazy it is.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: Fishing - it's a relaxing, deeply meditative way to commune with and then catch, fillet and eat nature. But for some people, sitting and watching a hook is too much work. They want all the excitement of fishing without all the paying attention.

So a new app called Fish Sentry frees up the fisherman to concentrate on more important tasks, like polishing off that 12-pack of Budweiser tallboys. You cast your line, you sit back and Fish Sentry sends an alert to your phone when you get a nibble. Then, if the fish appeals to you, you swipe right and Fish Sentry reels it in. Just kidding. You have to reel it in, you lazy [expletive].

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Bill, how did Kathryn do?

KURTIS: Kathryn has the secret - got them all right. You must have been practicing, Kathryn.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Way to go, Kathryn. Congratulations.

(LAUGHTER)

TAYLOR: Thanks, guys.

PESCA: Thank you. Thanks for playing the game.

(APPLAUSE)

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