NPR logo

Panel Round Two

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/464024696/464100495" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Panel Round Two

Panel Round Two

Panel Round Two

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/464024696/464100495" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

More questions for the panel...Briefly Detained; Cold Comfort

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT ...DON’T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Luke Burbank, Faith Salie and Paula Poundstone. Here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill makes like Q-tip and checks the rhyme. It's the Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924.

Right now, panel, more questions for you from the week's news. Paula, immigration officials in the U.K. are concerned that some people may be engaging in fake marriages to citizens so they can stay in the country, So interrogators have been demanding that husbands tell them what?

PAULA POUNDSTONE: Oh, to tell them - it's like a newlywed game. They ask the husbands what are the wives', you know, particularly sensual areas.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's - no...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...I think is just what I'm going to say. But you're right - they're asking the husbands to name something intimate, and I think these are sometimes called intimates, in fact.

POUNDSTONE: They ask what kind of underwear the wife wears?

SAGAL: Exactly, specifically...

POUNDSTONE: That's ridiculous.

SAGAL: ...What color underwear...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: What?

SAGAL: ...Their wife wears. Yeah, this is the idea - it's like...

FAITH SALIE: My husband would have no idea.

SAGAL: Well, that's the thing...

(LAUGHTER)

LUKE BURBANK: Eighty percent of U.S. women would be deported.

SAGAL: Right, the interrogator...

SALIE: And how presumptuous to think people are wearing underwear.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, really.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Turns out that people were saying what color is your wife's underwear? And these guys were going I don't know - we don't think you're really married, and people got upset. And in fact, the Home Affairs spokesperson, agreeing that this practice was inappropriate, said, quote, "I have been in a genuine marriage for over 28 years and would not know the answer," which was, you know, very nice of him to say. But the scene turned ugly when the immigration secretary responded oh, your wife? Usually purple.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I hang my laundry, so my neighbors know my underwear color.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, well, that woman down the street, I don't know her name, but she does have those orange bloomers that flap in the wind.

POUNDSTONE: They do flap in the wind, too.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Wait, I have a question, though.

SAGAL: Yeah.

SALIE: How would they even though if he was right? Do they have the wife - is it like "The Newlywed Game?"

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SALIE: Is the wife in the other room naked?

SAGAL: That's a really good question.

POUNDSTONE: She holds up a card.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I'm sorry, you are deported. Your wife said yellow, and you said purple.

SAGAL: We'll be back in two and two.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Paula, those frozen-food cases in the supermarket...

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...They may soon get an upgrade. A freezer case unveiled at the National Retail Federation show this week does what when you walk up to it?

POUNDSTONE: It asks you what you want.

SAGAL: No, although it actually can tell something about you without asking.

POUNDSTONE: It can tell what you want?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I'm just going to give it to you because I don't want to continue to give you hints. Yes. It can determine your mood by...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Reading your facial expression.

POUNDSTONE: Oh.

SALIE: Wait, the freezer can?

SAGAL: The freezer can, yes.

SALIE: So it's like you just broke up, here's a pint of ice cream.

SAGAL: It's very much like that - oh, my God, here's two pints. Well, the way this works is the case, using facial-recognition technology, in a way that probably annoys the person who invented facial-recognition technology, it reads the gender - can tell if you're a man or a woman - and then it reads your facial expression as you look at different products and determines how excited you are about the product and then sends that information to the store or manufacturer so they know, oh, people get really excited when they look at the pizza or people are unhappy when they look at the frozen halibut steaks or whatever it may be.

POUNDSTONE: It can determine your mood.

SAGAL: Yeah.

POUNDSTONE: You know, the thing is because of technology, we have become so distant from one another that we can't read one another's facial expressions. I love it that we're making a freezer that can.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, it's true. I mean, your spouse doesn't know what the [expletive] going on with you, but the freezer is very sensitive.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, the freezer...

SALIE: The freezer knows what color underwear you have on.

SAGAL: Yeah, it's probably true.

BURBANK: Think of how many marriages this is going to destroy.

SAGAL: I know.

BURBANK: I've met someone...

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: ...Or something.

SALIE: It fills my every need.

SAGAL: It understands me. It understands what I need deep inside...

BURBANK: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...Is a Tombstone Pizza.

BURBANK: Yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF ERIC CARMEN SONG, "HUNGRY EYES")

Copyright © 2016 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.