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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks
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Bill reads three news-related limericks...I'll be your weighter tonight; The Equivocating Vasectomy; Silent Movies

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on the air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924 or click the contact us link on our website, which is waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything Podcast. This week, Mike and Ian help you make peace with your rooster.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT ...DON’T TELL ME.

ANNA MCHUGH: Hello, I'm Anna, calling from Santa Anna, Calif.

SAGAL: I'm sorry, you're Anna calling from Santa Anna?

MCHUGH: Yes, it just worked out that way.

SAGAL: You did not say my name is Anna. I must seek out a place with my name to live because that is the law.

MCHUGH: (Laughter). Yes, correct.

SAGAL: I understand.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: We spoke with Clara only a few minutes before...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...And Monica before that.

MCHUGH: And my daughter is Barbara, so it all works out.

SAGAL: Oh, wow.

POUNDSTONE: Oh, jeez...

SAGAL: Anna, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Are you ready to play?

MCHUGH: I am, thank you.

SAGAL: All right, here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: The wait staff at this supper clubby make my washboard abs more washtubby. The staff's BMI goes straight to my thighs. I eat more when the waiters are...

MCHUGH: Chummy?

SAGAL: Chummy...

LUKE BURBANK: Close enough.

SAGAL: Chummy is a good thing for your waiters to be - not too chummy. But it does not quite rhyme with clubby and tubby.

MCHUGH: You know, I probably. Yeah, you're right about that (laughter).

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

(LAUGHTER)

MCHUGH: (Laughter) Chubby.

SAGAL: Chubby, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: There you go.

KURTIS: That's it.

SAGAL: A new study found that diners served by heavier waiters ordered more food. They're four times as likely to order dessert and more booze if the waiter was heavy. Scientists believe an overweight waiter makes customers feel more comfortable ordering fatty, rich foods. It's kind of a, hey-I'll-have-what-you've-already-had effect.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: If I have a really skinny waiter, I say - can you get me someone else?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really?

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: I'm just not comfortable...

POUNDSTONE: Yeah.

SAGAL: ...Eating in front of a skinny person.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, and they usually know. They go - you want the fries, don't you?

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: I go yes, I do.

SAGAL: All right, here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: As you're scratching that animal itch, contraception has many a-glitch. But this one can't fail on the tubes of the male, we're inserting a small off-on...

MCHUGH: Switch.

SAGAL: Switch, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: There you go.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: A German carpenter...

POUNDSTONE: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...Has invented a contraceptive switch for men.

BURBANK: Not something I want a carpenter to come up with.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, a German carpenter?

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Unless it's Jesus, yeah, I don't want a carpenter messing with my junk.

SAGAL: So this is how it works. You may have heard of the procedure known as a vasectomy, where they sort of snip a tube. This just kind of clamps it. So you want to have babies? Switch on.

Customer feedback of the switch has been generally positive. One man says his neighbor complains that his garage door opens every time he turns his business on.

(LAUGHTER)

FAITH SALIE: Is the switch external? Is it just a little...

SAGAL: Presumably, it would have to be.

SALIE: ...Knob.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: Yeah, another.

POUNDSTONE: It's located on the wall. Anyone can use it.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: It's over near the thermostat.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, the word carpenter...

SAGAL: Yeah, it's a little...

POUNDSTONE: ...Was disturbing in that.

SALIE: Wait, you guys are hung up on carpenter? I'm...

SAGAL: Yeah because it sounds...

SALIE: ...Hung up on German.

SAGAL: No, it sounds like the switch is made out of wood.

POUNDSTONE: It does.

SALIE: Well.

POUNDSTONE: It sounds like it's going to be installed, like they're going to put a birdhouse on your...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: ...Genitalia or something, you know. I hear hammering when I hear...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: And you know, I hear nails and hammer and wood.

BURBANK: Like if you said a urologist came up with this or somebody who studies this part of the human body and works in very kind minute ways - not minute, average ways.

(LAUGHTER)

BURBANK: Whatever, OK. It's fine. Everything's fine.

POUNDSTONE: You said minute. I heard minute.

SALIE: It's - this is the first time this has ever happened this way, right?

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: As the CIA's trying to stop Bourne, there's a munching sound loud as a cop's horn. In hopes that all movies are seen and heard smoothly, I'll ban all consumption of...

MCHUGH: Popcorn.

SAGAL: Popcorn.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Very good.

SAGAL: Yes, very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So there's this British man. His name is Mike Shotton, loves going to movies, favorite thing to do, hates all the noise from people eating popcorn in the movie theater, wants to ban it.

BURBANK: How bad is the popcorn sound really?

POUNDSTONE: It's very quiet.

SAGAL: I think so because most popcorn is like - it's actually - it's not so much crunchy as sort of chewy.

BURBANK: If you get the double butter like I do.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BURBANK: It's just what the refrigerator tells me I want at that moment, OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Anna do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Anna got two right and massaged another one right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Anna, congratulations and thanks for playing.

MCHUGH: Thank you so much. Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

POUNDSTONE: Bye, Anna.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HUSH")

DEEP PURPLE: (Singing) Bah, nah, nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah. Nah, nah, nah.

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