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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks
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Bill reads three news-related limericks...Hunter Venderor; C-Mobile; Noga

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on-air, call or leave a message - 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago. And check out our How To Do Everything podcast. This week, we make Valentines for people you hate. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

SARAH RICKETTS: Hi, this is Sarah from Salt Lake City.

SAGAL: Hey, Sarah. How are you?

RICKETTS: I'm doing well. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm doing fine. I love Salt Lake City. well. It's beautiful with all the great outdoors around you. What do you do there?

RICKETTS: I own a yoga studio out here and like to enjoy the outdoors, too.

SAGAL: It's pretty great. Do you ever go do yoga outdoors like they do on all those video tapes?

RICKETTS: (Laughter) We try to.

SAGAL: And when you do the sun salutation, you're really saluting the sun.

RICKETTS: We really are saluting the sun, especially on when we can see it.

SAGAL: Yeah, that's nice. That's a nice day. Sarah, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each of them. Your job, of course, complete them. Do that two times out of three, you'll win our prize. You ready to play?

RICKETTS: I am ready.

SAGAL: Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: A box that takes coins in the street. How can we butchers compete? It isn't a scam. It sells beef and smoked ham. It's a vending machine for raw...

RICKETTS: Meat?

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

KURTIS: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: The citizens of Paris now have the freedom to say screw it, I want skittles and ground beef. A butcher has installed a 24-hour vending machine outside his shop. It offers everything from pork chops to a filet of beef. It works just like a vending machine does. You put in your money, select your meat, it pops out. There are some differences. Instead of crumbs or broken M&Ms scattered in that dispenser tray on the bottom, this one is filled with blood.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, you think freshness is going to be really important with a meat vending machine. You'll want to find out which item is the most popular - you know, your ground beef, your sausages and therefore regularly restocked and which is like the meat equivalent of honey buns. You know what I mean.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: Are they also going to get Chipotle vending machines over there?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I mean, it just doesn't sound very safe.

SAGAL: Why would you want to buy your meat from a vending machine?

MAZ JOBRANI: You're in a rush, you've got some change.

ROCCA: If you have...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Oh, wow, I've got .75 cents burning a hole in my pocket. I'm going to get a pork chop.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: That'd be great if they had a vending machine that was shaped like a chicken, and you get your eggs from it.

ROCCA: Oh, that would be cute.

JOBRANI: Right? You put the money in...

ROCCA: I like that.

JOBRANI: ...And (imitating chicken)...

ROCCA: Yeah, yeah.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Yeah, but the problem with that is that if the eggs drop they're going to break.

JOBRANI: Well, no, you'd have a little slide. It comes down...

ROCCA: Right.

JOBRANI: And you go hey, I got my egg.

ROCCA: It looks fun that way.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Sarah, here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: I can't make it when church is in session. So I love that this bus shows discretion. Once I get in, I can tell all my sins. And the bus driver takes my...

RICKETTS: Confession.

SAGAL: Yes, your confession, very good.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Look out sinners because if you do not go to confession, confession will come to you. The Catholic Church in northern England has launched a mobile confession unit called the Mercy Bus...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Which is just like the famous magic bus of the 1960s except for everything.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: OK, and so you don't get onto the bus to do it.

SAGAL: Yes, you do. You get onto the bus.

ROCCA: OK.

SAGAL: And there's a priest; there's a little confession booth. It's right there for you. People line up presumably and go on.

JOBRANI: But the priest isn't the driver.

SAGAL: No, I do not believe that the priest is driving the bus.

JOBRANI: Why don't they just have you call it in? Can't you just call it in on a speakerphone?

ROBERTS: Or text it in. What if it was, like, a confessional and tanning booth? You know, I'm trying to think of...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Trying to figure out a way to get people in that confession booth.

ROBERTS: Yeah but multitasking.

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Do not choose the pose Downward Prude. Open chakras just beg to be viewed. A warrior's stance doesn't need lycra pants. Our yoga is done in the...

RICKETTS: In the nude.

SAGAL: Yes, indeed.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yoga teacher.

SAGAL: This...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This Valentine's Day, couples in Calgary can celebrate their love for each other with couples' nude yoga - great way to get in shape and see a side of your partner you've never seen before and never want to see again.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Really there is a reason why God created Lululemon, please stand back up. I have to ask you - this is a total coincidence that we're asking you this limerick - you are a yoga teacher. What do you, a yoga teacher, think of the idea of coed nude yoga?

RICKETTS: Well, not something for me.

SAGAL: No.

ROCCA: Downward dog, downward, downward.

(LAUGHTER)

JOBRANI: I just saw your...

ROCCA: Getting a little excited.

JOBRANI: I just saw your downward dog.

SAGAL: Yeah.

ROCCA: (Unintelligible).

SAGAL: Bill, how did Sarah do on our quiz?

KURTIS: There you go, Sarah. You've got a few ideas and you won, too. Congratulations.

SAGAL: Well done, Sarah. Thank you so much.

RICKETTS: Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thanks for playing. Bye-bye.

RICKETTS: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DON'T LOOK BACK")

BOSTON: Don't look back, a new day is breaking. It's been too long since I felt this way. I don't mind...

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