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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news...The Trump Electorate; Supreme Obstruction; Bleached Oscars

BILL KURTIS: From NPR in WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR news quiz. Hey Gladys Knight, forget about Georgia. Take a midnight train to Bill - Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you, everybody. Thank you.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Why, that is some Southern hospitality. We are so happy to be back here at the beautiful Fox Theatre in downtown Atlanta. Later on, we are going to be joined onstage by Georgia native Trisha Yearwood, who went from being an aspiring country singer to one of the biggest country music stars of all time. She's a lifestyle guru, a TV star. We'll ask her when you are that successful, how do you keep writing sad songs?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Still, her last single "My Private Jet Is So Empty Without You..."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Still went to number one. We want to hear your complaints, no matter how petty they might be. Give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. It is time to welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON’T TELL ME.

KATE FINLEY: Hi, Peter, this is Kate. I'm calling from Athens, Ga.

SAGAL: Athens, Ga?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: There are some fans here.

FINLEY: (Laughter).

SAGAL: Athens, Ga., known as the Athens of Georgia.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That's the home of the University, right, University of Georgia?

FINLEY: That's true.

SAGAL: That's true and...

FAITH SALIE: And the home of The B-52's and R.E.M.

SAGAL: That's also true.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Is there anything about Athens you can tell us that we don't already know?

FINLEY: Athens is crazy. There's the university, obviously, the music. And I'm a neuropsychologist here, and I play in a couple bands. And...

SAGAL: Oh, you play in a band? What kind of music do you play?

FINLEY: I play rock, punk.

SAGAL: Oh, I've got to ask, what is your punk band called?

FINLEY: Sex Barbecue.

ROY BLOUNT, JR.: Ooh.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Ooh.

SAGAL: Wait a minute - not the Sex barbecue.

FINLEY: The only Sex Barbecue.

PAULA POUNDSTONE: That is a great Southern punk band name.

SAGAL: It really is.

FINLEY: We just put two of our favorite things together.

SAGAL: I think so.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It makes sense. Kate, terrific to talk to you. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a comedian who will be appearing at the Pabst Theater in Milwaukee on March 12, it's Paula Poundstone.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Next, it's a humorist and the author of the new book out this March, I'm really happy to say, "Save Room For Pie." It's Roy Blount, Jr.

(APPLAUSE)

BLOUNT: Hey. Hey, Kate.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And finally, it's a contributor to "CBS Sunday Morning," whose debut book "Approval Junkie," in part about her growing up right here in Atlanta, will be released in April. It is Faith Salie.

SALIE: Hey, Kate.

FINLEY: Hey.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So Kate, welcome to the show. You know what we're going to do. We're going to start the show off with Who's Bill This Time? Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job, of course, explain or identify to two of them, you'll win our prize - the voice of scorekeeper emeritus Carl Kasell on your home answering machine. You ready to go?

FINLEY: I'm ready. Hey, Bill.

SAGAL: All right, here is your first quote.

KURTIS: "I love the poorly educated."

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was a man giving a shout-out to one of the many demographics supporting him in his triumphant march to the Republican nomination. Who is it?

FINLEY: That must be Donald Trump.

SAGAL: Yes, that would be his last name...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Took you a second to remember it. Donald Trump - there is this moment in horror movies - I'm sure you've seen it - where the kids who have wandered into the old mansion on a dare realize that the kindly old man who lives there is really crazy. That's America right now.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And we're all saying, come on, this isn't funny anymore. Let us out. Now, Trump did promise that with him, we would win so much, quote, "we'd get tired of winning," unquote. Well, now that Donald Trump has won three states, we are tired of him winning. So...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Now, he said in his speech - he was going through all the people who support him - you know, educated, uneducated. They - all those people who keep voting for him say they like him because he's says what's on his mind, no filters. But filters are good.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Filters are what give us coffee.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They...

SALIE: Give us good selfies.

SAGAL: Exactly. What would we do on Instagram without filters? They keep your cigarette from killing you instantly.

BLOUNT: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You know who else doesn't like filters? Cholera.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: I secretly though would love to see Melania be the first lady, OK, you know?

SAGAL: That would be pretty awesome.

SALIE: Like, she's not going to worry about childhood obesity or literacy. She's going to be, like, my platform is sunscreen.

SAGAL: Her platform is going to be - she wants to be, like, provide liposuction for the upper-middle-class...

SALIE: Right.

SAGAL: ...You know?

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT: Once he really lets her hair down and we get to know her...

SAGAL: I think it'll be great.

BLOUNT: ...I'm sure we'll warm up to her.

SAGAL: Now, people have said 'cause...

BLOUNT: Where is she from, by the way, Melania?

SAGAL: She's from Slovenia, I believe.

BLOUNT: Slovenia, oh, I thought...

SAGAL: She's a Slovenian model.

BLOUNT: See, I thought her name was Slovenia and she was from Melania.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's hard to tell.

POUNDSTONE: It happens with people from Chad.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Kate, here is your next quote.

KURTIS: (Imitating Southern accent) "There's not a snowball's chance in hell that's going to happen."

SAGAL: That was Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell saying there's no way in hell the Senate is going to do what?

FINLEY: Approve a nominee for the Supreme Court justice...

SAGAL: That's exactly...

FINLEY: ...by Obama.

SAGAL: ...Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: That's exactly right, very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We also would've accepted anything.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So the Republican Senate, led by Sen. McConnell, says they will refuse to consider any nomination the president puts forward to replace late Justice Scalia. He won't have hearings. They won't hold a vote. They won't even meet with the nominee. What if the nominee stops by anyway? It'll be weird to walk through the Senate office building and see Orrin Hatch standing behind a curtain going shhh...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The Senate has never done anything like this before in our entire history. But the Republicans are pointing to something Joe Biden said 20 years ago as support for their position. Dudes, you can find a Joe Biden quote that will support anything.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's like hey, why are you jumping off that roof holding a kite in each hand? Well, Joe Biden said it would be cool.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Here's the answer...

SAGAL: What's the answer?

SALIE: This is so obvious. Obama should appoint or nominate Donald Trump.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: This will appeal to Trump's ego.

SAGAL: Yeah.

SALIE: And then the Republicans won't have to worry about him. They can say sure, they can approve the nomination.

SAGAL: Yeah.

SALIE: Put him on the Supreme Court.

SAGAL: Do you want Donald Trump on the Supreme Court?

SALIE: But he'll be surrounded by other people who can buffer the nutterness (ph).

SAGAL: Yeah, or here's another alternative since our government is totally gridlocked, why not just keep Justice Scalia on the bench postmortem?

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: That...

SAGAL: Seriously, think about it. He was old anyway. A little makeup, you staple his robe to the back of the chair so it doesn't slump.

SALIE: And he would still be more animated than Clarence Thomas.

SAGAL: Exactly.

(APPLAUSE)

POUNDSTONE: You know, do you think it's too early for dead Supreme Court-justice jokes?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right - all right, Kate, here is your last quote.

KURTIS: "The Academy is mainly old white men, so either you wait for them all to die or kill them off slowly."

SAGAL: That was Emma Thompson offering two alternatives to solving the problem hounding what award show this weekend?

FINLEY: That would be the Oscars.

SAGAL: It would be the Oscars...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Yes. The Oscars...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: ...This weekend will be the whitest Academy Awards we've had since all the other Academy Awards.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is true - the array of Oscar-nominated actors male and female, leading and supporting, is actually less racially and ethnically diverse than the complete roster of GOP presidential candidates.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, this happened, this strange whiteout, if you will, happened not because there are no black people in good movies. For example, Michael B. Jordan starred in the movie "Creed." You liked the movie. He's a great actor. But he didn't get a nomination for Best Actor, but his co-star Sylvester Stallone got nominated for best supporting actor. Now, it is one thing to lose out to a white guy. It's way worse to lose out to a man covered in what looks like old naugahyde.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But I really have to say, having no people of color on stage is a shame and unforgivable in terms of...

BLOUNT: Not any...

SAGAL: ...representing the life. Don't you think that, guys, Faith?

SALIE: #WaitWaitSoWhite.

SAGAL: Paula.

SALIE: White White... Don't Tell Me.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Kate do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, she did so well, we're going to order three orders of Sex Barbecue.

(LAUGHTER)

SALIE: Yum.

FINLEY: Thank you.

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing, Kate.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "FIGHT THE POWER")

PUBLIC ENEMY: (Singing) Come on and get down. Come on and get down...

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