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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks
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Bill reads three news-related limericks...Downward Mad Dog, Reefer Sleeper, Game of Drones

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for that rhyme. If you'd like to play on air call that leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. You can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows. We will be in Milwaukee on April 14, Providence, R.I., on May 12 and Portland, Ore., on June 23 and 24. Also, check out our How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian tell you how to stay awake at the symphony.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON’T TELL ME.

LILA ROSENTHAL: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

ROSENTHAL: This is Lila Rosenthal.

SAGAL: Lila Rosenthal?

ROSENTHAL: Yeah.

SAGAL: Well, that - you sound exotic but Jewish. I like...

(LAUGHTER)

ROSENTHAL: That's what I'm going for. How are you, Peter?

SAGAL: I'm well, Lila.

BOBCAT GOLDTHWAIT: We made a connection

ROSENTHAL: Thank you for having me.

SAGAL: It's a pleasure to have you. Excuse me, guys, I'm going to just talk with Lila for a minute. Lila, where are you calling from?

ROSENTHAL: Boulder, Colo.

SAGAL: And what do you do there?

ROSENTHAL: I'm a family physician.

SAGAL: Oh, are you?

ROSENTHAL: I really am.

ROXANNE ROBERTS: And are you single?

ROSENTHAL: No.

ROBERTS: Oh.

SAGAL: This is entirely based on the fact that she has a fun name, you realize.

GOLDTHWAIT: Trust me, my name's Bobcat.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What kind of people - what kind of suitors, Bobcat, does that draw out of the woodwork? I can't help but wonder.

GOLDTHWAIT: Usually a lot of hunters.

SAGAL: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, Lila, welcome to the show.

ROSENTHAL: Thank you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill Kurtis will is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Here is your first limerick.

ROSENTHAL: OK.

BILL KURTIS: A war against calmness I wage. This pose is called rat in a cage. I scream and I swear as the metal jams blare. My yoga is fueled by...

ROSENTHAL: My rage?

SAGAL: Yes, rage.

KURTIS: Rage, doctor.

ROSENTHAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: So it turns out Calgary, Canada, is apparently on the cutting edge of the yoga scene. A couple weeks ago, we told you about a studio in Calgary offering couple's nude yoga. This week, we learned about a Calgary yoga instructor that is - who is offering rage yoga. It's just a coincidence. It's easy to imagine how a nude couples yoga could lead to directly to rage yoga. But rage yoga, as advertised in Calgary - it's just regular yoga but with more swearing, loud music and beer. And instead of a yoga studio, rage yoga is down in the basement of a pub. So really it's a lot less like yoga and more like having a woman yell at you what while you try to bend yourself out of the way.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I just - I mean, I've been doing yoga and it's very nice. I just can't imagine doing it while somebody's yelling at me.

ADAM BURKE: I can't imagine it any other way.

SAGAL: OK.

(LAUGHTER)

ROBERTS: Can you - can you imagine doing it nude? Because that seems...

SAGAL: No, no...

ROBERTS: Yeah, I see that...

SAGAL: We discussed this at some length. There's no way ever, no.

GOLDTHWAIT: Wait, imagine myself or other people?

SAGAL: Anybody.

ROBERTS: Anybody.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Stop it. Open your eyes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here is your next limerick, Lila.

ROSENTHAL: OK, ready.

KURTIS: When I'm tired, my teeth crave more crunchies. I'm full but I'll snack on this fun cheese. It's sleep that I need, but I act high on weed. Fatigue is the cause of my...

ROSENTHAL: Muchies.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: It is.

ROSENTHAL: Come on, I'm in Boulder, for heaven's sake.

SAGAL: You are.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: You ought to know.

SAGAL: You don't have to be stoned though to get the munchies. You just have to be tired. Researchers at the University of Chicago - go Chicago - found out that when...

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Yes, when you're sleep-deprived, your brain releases chemicals, endocannabinoids, that act very similar to those of marijuana. And this is why when you're sort of tired and staggering around the kitchen you eat so much. You're not baked; you're just high on life. And now that we know our brains can produce the same chemicals as pot, think about how much money we'll save. Your drug dealer is your own brain, although weirdly, you still don't want to talk to it more than you have to.

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: How much did this research cost to unlock the old food-energy paradigm?

(LAUGHTER)

BURKE: Turns out when you're tired, you might need to eat something.

GOLDTHWAIT: You might get a little...

SAGAL: Well, no, no, the idea is - you know, the munchies are just sort of a kind of a hunger - I want to eat something even though you're not necessarily hungry with the munchies.

GOLDTHWAIT: I think that's true. Like, I've had a lot of insomnia, and I do get ravenous. And I think I'm going to eat and then it's going to put me to sleep.

SAGAL: No, it never works.

ROBERTS: So what do you much on?

GOLDTHWAIT: Just everything - well, I don't eat much, you know? I mean, I don't get this body by abusing it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, here, Lila, is your last limerick.

ROSENTHAL: OK.

KURTIS: Though Kanye might think himself regal, his actions are weird but still legal. He would keep drones at bay with some grand birds of prey. As guards, he'll trade dogs for an...

ROSENTHAL: Seagull.

(LAUGHTER)

ROSENTHAL: Sagal.

BURKE: The confidence.

KURTIS: Good for you.

(APPLAUSE)

GOLDTHWAIT: Do you know - do you know how - do you know how close...

(LAUGHTER)

GOLDTHWAIT: Do you know how close the American bald seagull was our...

SAGAL: Yeah, no.

GOLDTHWAIT: ...National bird?

ROSENTHAL: Oh, man. It's eagle?

SAGAL: It is eagle, yeah.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Although I was excited because of course, the American bald seagull is my second cousin.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Say what you - it's eagle - say what you will about rapper Kanye West - he's narcissistic, he's thin-skinned, he's the biggest [expletive] in the Kardashian family.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But he's a brilliant innovator in all things. And so when Kanye has been thinking about protecting his family, especially from paparazzi, he went right to mercenary-trained in eagles. Kanye West is reportedly trying to hire these eagles that Danish police have trained to attack drones. He's tired of these paparazzi drones sent to take pictures of himself and his family. But he can't help himself. Eagle tries to do its job, eagle's attacking the drone, Kanye would drop in and say I'm going to let you finish but a falcon is the best raptor of all time.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Lila do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, Lila was a winter before she tried to change the national bird. But congratulations anyway, Lila from Boulder.

SAGAL: Thank you so much, Lila.

ROSENTHAL: Thank you.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF KANYE WEST SONG, "TOUCH THE SKY")

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