NPR logo

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/471006880/471091754" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/471006880/471091754" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

Bill reads three news-related limericks...Mountain Man Bike, You May Now Sniff The Bride, Do Not Walk

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website - waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Milwaukee, Wis., on April 14. And we'll be back at Wolf Trap in Virginia on July 21. Also be sure to check out the latest How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian help you decide whether you should go to the gym or stay in bed for another hour - like you need to be told. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON’T TELL ME.

LIZ ZIMMERMAN: Hello, my name is Liz, and I'm calling from Portland, Ore.

SAGAL: Portland, Ore., how awesome.

ZIMMERMAN: Yes, it's quite awesome.

SAGAL: It is pretty awesome. We are going there in June. That's always great to be in Portland. What do you do there?

ZIMMERMAN: I work at a wonderful science Museum called the Oregon Museum of Science and Industry.

SAGAL: I know it well. It's right there on the river.

ZIMMERMAN: Yes, exactly.

SAGAL: And what do you do there?

ZIMMERMAN: I work with schools in the area and help them coordinate their field trips to the museum.

SAGAL: Oh, how good? So you have all the kids come pouring off the buses and then you weird them out?

ZIMMERMAN: (Laughter) We go dissect frogs or hang out in the planetarium.

SAGAL: Do you ever combine the two and dissect frogs in the planetarium?

ZIMMERMAN: (Laughter) Sometimes.

SAGAL: All right, well, welcome to the show, Liz. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you will be a winner. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Though a French yellow jersey I'm craving, my peloton's wrath I am braving. Only natural legs push my bike pedal pegs. For the race, I refused to start...

ZIMMERMAN: Shaving?

KURTIS: Yes, shaving.

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Shaving, very good. After years of doping scandals and parading men around wearing spandex shorts, professional cycling has an image problem. And it got worse this week when cyclist Peter Sagan, a world champion, competed in a race with hairy, unshaven legs - big no-no in the high-stakes world of grown-up people riding bicycles. Says Tour de France-winner Stephen Roche, quote, "Sagan owes it to be respectful and clean and presentable." Lance Armstrong said, I shaved every day, including the thick pelt in my tongue after the testosterone injections got out of hand.

(LAUGHTER)

PETER GROSZ: Is it an aero-dynamic thing? Is that why...

SAGAL: Yeah, apparently...

GROSZ: ...They shave there?

SAGAL: ...It's a tradition apparently that professional bike racers always shave their legs for aerodynamics.

GROSZ: So if you weren't doing it, it'd be like a performance-de-hancing thing.

SAGAL: Yeah.

GROSZ: Yeah. So why would you complain that someone else was doing it?

SAGAL: But people were like you were supposed to do it.

GROSZ: We should look like seals...

SAGAL: Yes, exactly...

GROSZ: ...Shaved, wet, glistening, testosterone-ridden junkie seals riding bicycles on mountains - you know, a sport.

MARINA FRANKLIN: I feel bad for him.

SAGAL: You do? Why?

FRANKLIN: Yeah 'cause I don't like shaving either. It's like, you know, for any activity.

SAGAL: Really?

FRANKLIN: Really.

SAGAL: Really.

GROSZ: Sounds like somebody does not want to win the Tour de France.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: And you're never, ever going to win, sorry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: For our 5,000 guests, breeds were varied. They brought bones that we carefully buried. The officiant preached that true love can't be leashed, then all cried when we two dogs got...

ZIMMERMAN: Married.

SAGAL: Yes.

KURTIS: Married.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Two dogs got married in a giant Hindu ceremony this week in India. Now, that's not really a big surprise. Ever since gay marriage was made legal, we knew this would happen.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: What's surprising is that 5,000 guests showed up for the ceremony for these two dogs getting married. You'd think that will be a lot of thank you notes to write, and you are correct. And think about it - you've got thumbs.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The ceremony was conducted in a traditional yet doggy style.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And at the end of the beautiful ceremony, the officiant presented the couple and said you may now sniff the butt.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: Puppy love.

FRANKLIN: Yeah, I'd love to get my cat married. That would be cute.

SAGAL: Why, do you want the cat out of - you're tired of the cat depending on you?

FRANKLIN: I think he doesn't like me anymore.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: We were - like, six months ago or so we talked about a story where - the study discovered that if cats were bigger, they would eat people.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: So...

FRANKLIN: I believe this is true. My cat...

GROSZ: I believe it's true, too.

FRANKLIN: ...Tries to eat me every morning.

SAGAL: By actually biting you?

FRANKLIN: Yeah, like, just biting on my eyelashes and stuff. I'm, like, yeah, this is not good.

SAGAL: Yeah.

TOM BODETT: Yeah.

GROSZ: What an interesting place to start.

(LAUGHTER)

GROSZ: I think if I was going to eat a human being, I would not start with the eyelashes. Like, it's such a light amuse-bouche.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, Liz, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: When we are not texting or talking, we stop because we're gaping and gawking. Even when we're not small, we still toddle and fall. We humans are real bad at...

ZIMMERMAN: Walking.

KURTIS: Walking.

SAGAL: Walking, yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The news that knocked people off their feet or would have had they not already fallen over - researchers at Purdue University have found that human beings are surprisingly bad at walking. That's right, upright walking - one of the things that defines us as humans. And we suck at that, too.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Liz do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She did good. She worked at it and got all three right.

SAGAL: Well done.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Congratulations, Liz. Thanks for playing.

(APPLAUSE)

ZIMMERMAN: Woo-hoo.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

ZIMMERMAN: Bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF JOHNNY CASH SONG, "WALK THE LINE")

Copyright © 2016 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.