NPR logo

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/471970963/471971101" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript
Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

  • Download
  • <iframe src="https://www.npr.org/player/embed/471970963/471971101" width="100%" height="290" frameborder="0" scrolling="no" title="NPR embedded audio player">
  • Transcript

Bill reads three news-related limericks...Make-out Multitasking; Hollywood Lost and Found; Intern IPA

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank. But first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave us a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show April 14 in Milwaukee, Wis. Also, check out our How To Do Everything podcast. This week, Mike and Ian call the International Space Station and amazingly, someone picks up. Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON’T TELL ME.

JESSICA DEAN: Hi.

SAGAL: Hi, who's this?

DEAN: This is Jessica Dean.

SAGAL: Hey Jessica Dean. How are you?

DEAN: I'm well, thank you. How are you?

SAGAL: I'm fine. Where are you calling from?

DEAN: I'm calling from Charleston, S.C., but I actually live in Milwaukee, Wis.

SAGAL: Hey, Milwaukee, Wis. - so we're going their next month. What should we do while we're there?

DEAN: Definitely beer.

SAGAL: Yeah, we had that. That was on our list, but that is the entirety of our list. It says things to do in Wisconsin - number one, beer.

DEAN: And that's pretty much it.

SAGAL: Really?

DEAN: Mm-hmm.

SAGAL: You're saying don't even bother with the cheese, just stick to the beer?

DEAN: Oh, that's right, cheese and bacon. I'm sorry...

SAGAL: Right...

DEAN: ...You must have cheese and bacon to make it a complete trip.

SAGAL: Well, welcome to the show, Jessica. Bill Kurtis right hear is going to read three news-related limericks for you. The last word or the phrase will not be said. That's up to you. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a winner. Are you ready to go?

DEAN: I am.

SAGAL: Here we go. Here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Close your eyes, dear, there's nothing you'll miss. Trust your lips, dear, and mine, and this bliss. Our brains are a dunce, can't do two things at once. So forget the whole world and just...

DEAN: Kiss.

KURTIS: Kiss it is...

SAGAL: Yes...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: ...Thank you.

SAGAL: Kissing, of course, very romantic, intimate experience. We pucker up, wish we hadn't had the triple taco special for lunch...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...And then we close our eyes. According to scientists in London, we're not closing our eyes because we're so moved. We do it because our brains are so simple. We cannot process all of that tactile and visual stimuli at once, so we close our eyes to cut down on the input. Plus, nobody looks good from 1 inch away.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Also - I don't know if you've tried this - it's weird to kiss somebody while staring at them.

(LAUGHTER)

ROY BLOUNT JR.: Yeah.

SAGAL: It's like you're looking at them, and you're going so how do you like this kissing we're doing?

LUKE BURBANK: And worse, to quickly open your eyes like a normal and realize the other person is staring at you.

SAGAL: That's the worst.

BURBANK: That is deeply upsetting...

SAGAL: That is the worst.

BURBANK: ...Peter.

BLOUNT: And you...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

ROXANNE ROBERTS: Do you think this is a natural thing just because it's the overload or because that's how we've been taught you're supposed to kiss?

SAGAL: Well, that's the point is that they're saying this is, in fact, a natural thing.

BURBANK: But imagine being the first caveman who thought of making out...

BLOUNT: ...Just, like, go with me on this.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And...

BLOUNT: Saw it on television.

SAGAL: Yeah. And the girl is like wait, you eat with that mouth.

BURBANK: Yeah.

SAGAL: And you're like no, no, it'll be good.

BURBANK: I know you're huddled over the charred remains of a cave fire, but come here. I want to put my tongue down your throat for one to six minutes.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here Jessica, is your next limerick.

KURTIS: It seemed one of Twitter's wrong pranks, but just see the great actor mom thanks. The "Bridge Of Spies" star posted pics from afar. My stray sock was found by...

DEAN: Tom Hanks.

SAGAL: Yes indeed...

KURTIS: Tom Hanks.

SAGAL: ...Tom Hanks...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Is America's sweetheart, one of the nicest guys in Hollywood. He regularly appears on the cover of People magazine's sexiest personality alive issue.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But he has begun tweeting to his many, many millions of followers pictures of lost gloves and socks he finds. And because he has so many followers, the owners are often reunited with their possessions.

BLOUNT: I'll be.

SAGAL: It has become a passion of Mr. Hanks. He has posted photos of gloves, hats, a student ID for a Fordham University student named Lauren and most recently a dirty fork. Tom Hanks is either one of the most generous people alive or the world's most successful hoarder.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your last limerick, Jessica.

KURTIS: Though this internship's rather severe, chugging pints might become my career. I've answered a call for a four-month pub crawl. I get paid spending days drinking...

DEAN: Oh, I know this - beer.

SAGAL: Beer...

KURTIS: From Wisconsin, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: If you're a drunk college student worried about your professional prospects after graduation, we have the solution. The World of Beer restaurant chain is offering a four-month internship that requires you to travel the world and drink beer. That's it. You get $12,000; you get to visit different countries; you drink free beer and write about it. What a great opportunity for a budding alcoholic.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's called the Charles Bukowski Memorial Fellowship.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Jessica do?

KURTIS: She got three right. She's our champ.

SAGAL: Well done, Jessica. Thank you so much for playing.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And we'll see you up there in Milwaukee.

DEAN: Hope so.

Copyright © 2016 NPR. All rights reserved. Visit our website terms of use and permissions pages at www.npr.org for further information.

NPR transcripts are created on a rush deadline by Verb8tm, Inc., an NPR contractor, and produced using a proprietary transcription process developed with NPR. This text may not be in its final form and may be updated or revised in the future. Accuracy and availability may vary. The authoritative record of NPR’s programming is the audio record.

We no longer support commenting on NPR.org stories, but you can find us every day on Facebook, Twitter, email, and many other platforms. Learn more or contact us.