Limericks Bill reads three news-related limericks...Huddle Cuddle, Stubble Trouble, Returning To The Crime Scene
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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

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Bill reads three news-related limericks...Huddle Cuddle, Stubble Trouble, Returning To The Crime Scene

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. You can always click the contact us link on our website. That's waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows back at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Cleveland on December 8 and Nashville, Tenn., on November 3. It's the week before the election, so it's the candidates' last chance to do dumb things for us to talk about.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

GLEN BEATTY: Hello there. This is Glen Beatty in New York City.

SAGAL: Hey, Glen Beatty in New York City.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: That was some pretty paltry applause for New York City...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Here in Rochester.

BEATTY: You know, if you don't applause better, I'm going to reach through the phone and grab you.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know. Glen, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read for you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner. Are you ready to play?

BEATTY: I am.

SAGAL: All right, here's your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: On my football field, I know what bliss is. My team cuddles more than the missus. We won't inject drugs, just oodles of hugs. I warm up my team with some...

BEATTY: What?

(LAUGHTER)

BEATTY: Let me hear that one again.

SAGAL: Please.

KURTIS: (Laughter) On my football field, I know what bliss is. My team cuddles more than the missus. We won't inject drugs, just oodles of hugs. I warm up my team with some...

BEATTY: Kisses?

SAGAL: Yes, kisses.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Yes, my God. That's right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: University of Houston head football coach Tom Herman kisses his players on the cheek when they arrive at practice and asks them to hug when they score a touchdown.

ADAM FELBER: I hope he has plenty of Tic Tacs.

(LAUGHTER)

PAULA POUNDSTONE: What school is this?

FELBER: What (laughter)?

SAGAL: This is the University of Houston.

AMY DICKINSON: Wow.

SAGAL: And there are no penalties for holding with this guy.

FELBER: Oh.

DICKINSON: Oh.

SAGAL: People say that the hugs and kisses are his way of building team unity, but really he was just confused by all those X's and O's he saw on the chalkboard.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: You know, I would hate that.

POUNDSTONE: I would hate that, too.

DICKINSON: I would hate it.

SAGAL: You would hate it.

FELBER: I'd love it.

DICKINSON: To have a...

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: To have a coach...

POUNDSTONE: You know what, if that happened to me, I'd go long.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: Whoa.

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: They're as smooth as some old pirate's pegs and as manly as drinking from kegs. We don't want our gams to be woolly like lambs, so we men are now shaving our...

BEATTY: Legs.

SAGAL: Legs, yes.

KURTIS: Legs.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Legs.

DICKINSON: He bleated it.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to a poll by Men's Health magazine, more than half of men shave their legs. That means if you are a man and you are alone right now, one of your legs is shaved.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They say they do it - some men do it for aesthetic reasons. They just like the feel of smooth skin. Although some...

FELBER: Half of us?

SAGAL: Half of us. Half of men.

DICKINSON: How many people in this audience - how many men in this audience shave your legs? Just applaud. Yeah, right.

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, you know...

SAGAL: Well, wait a minute. That's not fair.

FELBER: I guess that implies that all of Syracuse shaves their legs.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

FELBER: It's got to balance out somewhere.

SAGAL: No, no. No, no, they're not shaving their legs up in upstate New York. They need the fur for the winter.

POUNDSTONE: I think that this shine's a light, perhaps, on the research techniques of men's magazine - what's that? - Men's Health?

SAGAL: Men's Health, Paula.

POUNDSTONE: Men's Health magazine.

FELBER: Well, if it's between shaving your legs and having to wear one of those big, thick...

DICKINSON: Big dog things.

FELBER: ...Big dog things to keep you from shedding leg hair on the couch...

SAGAL: True.

(LAUGHTER)

FELBER: ...I'd probably shave my legs.

POUNDSTONE: I just think if it were true, we'd have heard about it, you know what I mean? Like...

SAGAL: Right.

FELBER: You're hearing about it.

POUNDSTONE: Not on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL - we would have heard about it...

FELBER: Not on this stupid show.

POUNDSTONE: No, that's not how I mean it. It would have...

FELBER: That's how it came across.

POUNDSTONE: If it's 50 percent of men, then it would have come up in conversation. We would have - a neighbor would have knocked on my door and said, hey, my razor's dead. Do you have one?

(LAUGHTER)

POUNDSTONE: Fifty percent, that's a lot - Peter.

SAGAL: I - yeah.

FELBER: Peter is sad he ever broke that limerick out.

SAGAL: I really am.

POUNDSTONE: Yeah. It just seems like you're willing to accept it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: At this point, let's change the subject. Time to move on to our last limerick here for Glen. Glen, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: Hey, watch me. This stick's a resumer, gang. It flies and comes back with a zoom and clang. Check out this big throw. Hey, where did it go? Said the first person killed by a...

BEATTY: Boomerang?

SAGAL: Boomerang, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

POUNDSTONE: Yeah, baby.

SAGAL: Paleoanthropologists in Australia believe they have discovered the remains of the first person ever killed by a boomerang. Apparently, the man picked up a stick, noticed it was bent and said something like, stupid bent stick, you're no good - gave it a good toss and a few seconds later got bonked on the head by it and died.

DICKINSON: Oh, come on. How do they know that?

FELBER: Clearly, another caveman made it look like an accident.

SAGAL: Well, this is true. This is true. The bones date back to 1260 A.D. They show evidence of trauma to the head and - this is true - the mouth was open as if shocked that the stupid stick was somehow flying back through the air at it.

FELBER: That's a pretty thin reed to go on.

SAGAL: Here you are.

Bill, how did Glen do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he had to work at it, but then he got them all right.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Glen. Thanks for playing.

(APPLAUSE)

BEATTY: All right.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

POUNDSTONE: Bye, Glen.

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