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Limericks

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Limericks

Limericks

Limericks

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Bill reads three news-related limericks...Love Spice, Thin Minteeos, The Cupboard of Eternal Rest

MIKE PESCA, HOST:

Coming up, it's Fill In The Blank, but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website at waitwait.npr.org. There you can find out about attending the weekly live shows at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our show next week in Music City, USA, Nashville or our show in Cleveland, Ohio, on December 8.

Hello, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LIZ SCHIAVONE: Hey, it's Liz Schiavone from Baltimore, Md.

PESCA: Hey, what do you do in Baltimore?

SCHIAVONE: I'm a high school history teacher.

PESCA: Really? Which grades and what subjects?

SCHIAVONE: I teach U.S. history for 10th grade.

PESCA: And so do you teach more than one stanza of "The Star-Spangled Banner?"

SCHIAVONE: I do, actually. Yes, I teach four stanzas so...

PESCA: All right. What's your favorite - do you know - what's your - yeah, exactly. What's your favorite stanza other than the one we know and mangle at ball games?

SCHIAVONE: One of the best stanzas is where they kind of talk about almost, like, decapitating and mutilating the British soldiers.

(LAUGHTER)

MO ROCCA: Kids probably love that.

PESCA: Yeah.

FAITH SALIE: Hey...

SCHIAVONE: Yeah, not something we'd ever sing at a ball game.

PESCA: So welcome to the show, Liz. Bill Kurtis is going to read to you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two limericks, you are a winner. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: Having sex while blood's thin is cathartic. The fragrant bulb helps make my heart tick. But when breath is too stinky, it's tough to get kinky. Still, doc says have sex and eat...

SCHIAVONE: I have no idea.

P J O'ROURKE: Think vampires. Think vampires, Liz. You're trying to keep vampires away.

SCHIAVONE: Garlic, garlic.

PESCA: Garlic, yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

KURTIS: Well, what a good hint.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: According to a book out this week, to reduce the risk of a heart attack, you have to embrace two contradictory ideas - have sex and eat garlic every day. And for best results, you should probably do them in that exact order. It all makes sense. The sex is good aerobic exercise. It'll help lower your blood pressure. The garlic makes sure you aren't having too much sex.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Plus if you have been cheating on your spouse with the pizza delivery guy, you have a convenient cover story and the plot of many popular films.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: Here's your next limerick.

KURTIS: Cookie sale time is mercurial. Having Thin Mints year round sounds imperial. Have them start out my day, that sounds more than OK. I'm on board for the new Girl Scout...

SCHIAVONE: Cereal?

KURTIS: Cereal, yes, indeed.

PESCA: Cereal.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, APPLAUSE)

PESCA: You can stop feeling bad about eating Thin Mints for breakfast. In January, the Girl Scouts and General Mills will release Girl Scout Cookie cereals. They'll come in two flavors - Caramel Crunch and Thin Mint, making it the first time a mint-flavored cereal has been on the market since Captain Crunch with Crest Whitestrips was pulled from shelves in '95.

O'ROURKE: Yeah.

SALIE: Do you think if you want another bowl of cereal in the morning you say, can I have Samoa?

ROCCA: I would just like to point out that Tagalog is a language. Tagalong is a cookie.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: All right, Liz, here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: I've got grandma in mind when I sup. Cream and sugar and then top it up. I don't think it's grim when my lips touch her brim. Her ashes are glazed to this...

SCHIAVONE: Cup?

PESCA: Cup, yes, cup.

(LAUGHTER)

KURTIS: It is.

PESCA: You didn't want to admit it's true. You loved your grandma and you love your coffee, and now you can love them both together with a coffee mug made out of your grandma.

ROCCA: Oh, wow.

PESCA: Chronicle...

O'ROURKE: Ew.

PESCA: Chronicle Cremation Designs offers an array of dishware infused with the cremated remains of loved ones. You send them the ashes, they send you a grandma mug or bowl that's ready to use and is dishwasher safe.

(LAUGHTER)

PESCA: It's convenient for the...

O'ROURKE: Which is more than you can say for grandma.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: This coffee's a little gritty.

SALIE: Oh.

O'ROURKE: And so was grandma.

PESCA: Nana never could hold her liquor in life. But now...

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: It's a whole other matter.

(APPLAUSE)

PESCA: Bill, how did Liz do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Liz did great for a historian. She got all right.

PESCA: All right, put it down in the books. Thank you, Liz, for playing.

SCHIAVONE: Thank you.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "YOU'RE THE CREAM IN MY COFFEE")

NAT KING COLE: (Singing) You're the cream in my coffee. You're the salt in my stew. You will always be my necessity. I'd be lost without you.

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