Panel Round Two
BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Helen Hong, Mo Rocca and Maz Jobrani. And here again is your host at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.
PETER SAGAL, HOST:
Thank you, Bill.
SAGAL: In just a minute, Bill will serve as special adviser to Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play give us a call at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news. Helen, there is a great new way to tell if you are too drunk to drive. Coming soon, you can get a breathalyzer, a personal breathalyzer conveniently built into what?
HELEN HONG: Your car keys?
SAGAL: No. They already have that, I think. Bet you can't blow just 0.01.
HONG: Potato chips.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)
SAGAL: Specifically, a little bag of Tostitos. The Tostitos brand has unveiled a new bag of chips that can detect if you're drunk. And it doesn't detect it in the old-fashioned way by just catching all the beer when it comes back for a visit.
SAGAL: No, there is a sensor inside the bag that turns green if you're under the legal alcohol limit when you blow into it and red if you're not. So now there will be two ways of knowing if someone is drunk. They either blow a red light in their chips bag or they're blowing into a chip's bag to see how drunk they are.
SAGAL: And here's the genius part. Some of these bags will be equipped - I'm not quite sure how - so that if you blow over the legal limit it will call you an Uber.
MAZ JOBRANI: What?
HONG: Wow. How cool.
SAGAL: It will just bring Uber to where you're standing there because if there's anything Uber drivers love it's giving a ride to someone who's so drunk he's using a bag of chips as his wing man.
JOBRANI: How does a bag of chips call the Uber guy?
SAGAL: It's got a little chip in it.
JOBRANI: Does he get a thing - he's like, oh, it's Doritos again.
JOBRANI: This guy.
SAGAL: Oh, wait a minute, that Doritos is rated 4.5, I'm going to pick him up.
JOBRANI: Not Doritos again.
SAGAL: Maz, a man in Britain was convinced that he had found his soulmate, which is why he wrote her a love letter after meeting her how?
JOBRANI: He found his soulmate. Did he run her over?
JOBRANI: Was he stalking her?
SAGAL: No. I'll give you a hint. He saw not so much into her soul on that first meeting but into her lower intestine.
MO ROCCA: Oh, wow.
JOBRANI: Oh, so he was her doctor and was giving her a...
SAGAL: Yes, exactly.
JOBRANI: What is it called, endoscopy?
ROCCA: No, no, no, that's the opposite. The other one...
ROCCA: The colonoscopy.
SAGAL: Colonoscopy, yes.
(SOUNDBITE OF BELL, LAUGHTER)
HONG: You guys can't see the finger gestures that Maz...
SAGAL: You don't want to see.
HONG: ...That Maz is doing right now.
SAGAL: You don't want to see the finger gestures. Yes.
JOBRANI: That's how my doctor warms up.
SAGAL: The lovestruck...
JOBRANI: My doctor goes, oh, we're going for that today.
SAGAL: The lovestruck Romeo met his Juliet when she was, you know, partially anesthetized and he, a doctor, was giving her a colonoscopy.
SAGAL: It was really a doctor. He didn't pretend. That's the good news.
SAGAL: The bad news is that after the procedure was complete the doctor wrote a letter saying that scoping her colon has, quote, "induced extraordinarily tender feelings of weakness within him." He clearly believed that he had to open up for her in the same way she had opened up to him.
SAGAL: The woman naturally freaked out and reported him. But even if she hadn't done that, even if she had been accepting of his, you know, remonstrations of love, where could their relationship have gone from there given that he had started out by getting to ninth base?
ROCCA: What is wrong with - you know, I remember the good old days when you could go out colon-scoping and it wasn't a big deal.
HONG: I don't know. I think I'm a romantic because I think - I kind of think it would have been sweet if they had gotten together and they could tell their kids how they met, like, oh, your mommy's polyps. Oh, they were so beautiful...
ROCCA: The pictures of the first date.
ROCCA: And then the first movie they'd see is "Fantastic Voyage."
SAGAL: Oh, absolutely.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HOW DEEP IS YOUR LOVE")
BEE GEES: (Singing) How deep is your love? How deep is your love? How deep is your love? I really mean to learn 'cause we're living in a world of fools breaking us...
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