Who's Bill This Time Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news...You're Fired!, Return of the Mac, Real Women Have Curvy Bottles
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Who's Bill This Time

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Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

Who's Bill This Time

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Bill Kurtis reads three quotes from the week's news...You're Fired!, Return of the Mac, Real Women Have Curvy Bottles

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. U-tah (ph), me-Bill (ph).

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

KURTIS: I am Bill Kurtis. And here is your host at the Abravanel Hall in Salt Lake City, Utah, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. It is great to be back in Salt Lack City. Salt Lake, of course, is a beautiful city surrounded by mountains. Later on, we're going to be talking to somebody who specializes in descending those mountains rather quickly, Olympic gold medalist Hannah Kearney. But first, we want to congratulate our friend Terry Gross and her staff on this week's 30th anniversary of the show Fresh Air. It is an awesome thing.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Every week, we at WAIT WAIT try to rise to her level of skill, grace, honesty and professionalism, and then we shrug and say nah (ph), let's just stick to our fart jokes. I mean, she does her thing, we'll do ours.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Another difference - you do not have to write a brilliant novel to get on our show, just give us a call. The number is 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. Now, let's welcome our first listener contestant. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LANDON GROVE: Hi. This is Landon Grove from Smithsburg, Md.

SAGAL: Landon Grove in Smithsburg, Md.

GROVE: That's right.

SAGAL: How do I know it's not Smith Burg from Landon Grove? So where is Smithburg, Md.?

GROVE: It's in Western Maryland. It's a little small town. And we just got a second gas station, so we are rapidly...

SAGAL: Oh, congratulations. Well, Landon, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week. First up, it's a comedian performing this upcoming week - May 15 to the 21 - at the Brad Garrett Comedy Club at the MGM Las Vegas. It's Alonzo Bodden.

ALONZO BODDEN: Hello, Landon.

SAGAL: Next, it is the author of the book "How To Make White People Laugh" and the host of the podcast "Fake The Nation." It's Negin Farsad.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: And finally, a correspondent for "CBS Sunday Morning" and host of "The Henry Ford Innovation Nation" Saturday mornings on CBS. It's Mo Rocca.

(APPLAUSE)

MO ROCCA: Hi, Landon.

SAGAL: Landon, welcome to the show. You're going to play Who's Bill This Time. Bill Kurtis is going to perform for you three quotations from the week's news. Your job - correctly identify or explain just two of them. Do that, you will win our prize, the voice of scorekeeper emeritus Carl Kasell to do whatever you will with. Are you ready to play?

GROVE: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Your first quote is from naturally, inevitably, the president of the United States.

KURTIS: Look. He's a showboat. He's a grandstander. You know that. I know that. Everybody knows that.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So who did our modest, thoughtful president fire for being a, quote, "showboat"?

GROVE: I think President Trump said James Comey, you're fired.

SAGAL: Oh, whoa.

(APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: You already won the game.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That was scary good. On Tuesday afternoon, the president fired James Comey, the head of the FBI. He did this, the White House said, because Mr. Comey had treated Hillary Clinton so unfairly. And if there's one thing we know about Donald Trump, when there's a woman being mistreated, he won't be far away.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But on Thursday of this week, we heard that the president had really fired Comey because he didn't like him, and he thought that he was making too much noise about the Russia investigation. The White House dismissed that though because it came from a completely unreliable source - President Donald Trump.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Comey found out by - right - somebody was watching TV right behind us him or something, right?

SAGAL: Yes. He was in an event in Los Angeles. He was speaking to the agents. And there was a TV on, and it said, you know, Comey fired. And apparently Comey thought it was a prank. You know, one of those jolly little jokes where you sneak up behind somebody with an inflated balloon and then subvert the rule of law.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Well, the great thing about the event, it was actually a recruiting event. So can you imagine as you're recruiting - does anyone here need a job?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: They're kind of like, well, you do.

SAGAL: Comey's like, well, we have 41 openings - oh, 42.

(LAUGHTER)

NEGIN FARSAD: And can you imagine, like, Hillary Clinton having fired James Comey if she was president? People would like, oh, my God, emails, Benghazi, evil lady. She would have had to wear like a scarlet letter C on her pantsuit. There would have been like a burning at the stake. Like, it would've been a whole thing. But with Donnie, we're just like, it's kind of funny, you know?

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: He fired Gary Busey with more tact.

SAGAL: He did, actually.

BODDEN: Do you think it took Trump this long to fire Comey because he just found out he could?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: The whole investigation's been going on, and it's getting closer and closer. And then somebody said something to him, he's like, wait, I can just fire him? Done.

FARSAD: Eventually he'll read the entire Constitution, and then we'll really be screwed.

BODDEN: No, he won't. He won't.

SAGAL: Here is your next quote.

KURTIS: He's so handsome, and his name sounds like my favorite dessert.

SAGAL: That was a commentator on deadline.com celebrating the election of whom as president of France?

GROVE: I want to say Macron.

SAGAL: Well, that's good enough.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Emmanuel Macron, the new president, he's a rich businessman who has never held office before. And he ran for the presidency saying that politicians have failed the people, and it was time to return when France was great. All true. He's just like Donald Trump, except Macron can speak better English.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Yeah. When Macron meets with Justin Trudeau, I mean, gay Twitter is going to explode.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: This is very strange. In some way, Emmanuel Macron is President Trump's mere image. Trump is 70, the oldest American president ever. Macron is 39, the youngest French president ever. Macron, like Trump, is in a May-December marriage. Well, in Trump's case, it's more like May of the following year marriage. But in his case, Macron is the young one. Did you know this? When he was 16, he fell in love with his 40-year-old drama teacher.

ROCCA: Right.

SAGAL: And then he was sent away by his parents, who tried to break up this forbidden romance. And he said, I will return and marry her. And he did it. And everybody's like, whoa, this kind of salacious. But it's covering up the real interesting thing, which is that a drama geek is now the president of a major Western power.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yes.

FARSAD: And his wife is a MILF, a mother I'd like to French.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah.

FARSAD: But the thing about Marine Le Pen, she didn't ever scare me as much as Trump, I think, because she spoke in complete sentences. And her, like, white nationalism had a certain je ne sais quoi.

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: How - I mean, not that there's anything wrong with it, but Macron's wife is how much older?

SAGAL: She is...

BODDEN: Like 20 years older.

FARSAD: Twenty-four years.

SAGAL: Twenty-four years older, which by coincidence again, is exactly the same difference in age between Donald Trump and Melania.

ROCCA: And Melania. So - OK.

BODDEN: The difference is his wife will live with him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Landon, we're going to leave politics behind, thankfully, if just for a second. Your last quote is a reaction to yet another failed marketing campaign this week.

KURTIS: Finally, consumers without arms, legs or heads can buy a soap that truly represents them.

SAGAL: That was Derek Thompson, a senior editor at The Atlantic, writing about Dove soap's decision to make their new soap bottles look like what?

GROVE: A jar of margarine? I have no idea.

SAGAL: No, it's OK.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You've already won, so we'll just give it to you. They're making their soap bottles look like bodies.

GROVE: Bodies?

SAGAL: Right, different kinds of female physiques. Some companies looked at the failed Pepsi ad campaign of a few weeks ago and said, oh, thank God that wasn't us. But Dove soap said, oh, yeah? Watch this.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So Dove this week introduced a line of soap bottles that are intended to look like different types of women's bodies.

ROCCA: You're going to get ripped off if you get the Kate Moss one.

SAGAL: I know. There's hardly anything in it. Yes, there are some that are tall and thin. There's narrow. There's shapely. There's short and round, pear-shaped, you know. The idea is that it's soap for all types of women, but no woman basically wants to be stopped at the checkout counter and be told, you sure you don't want that fat bottle?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you are a man - and I know some of you are - and you're finding it hard to understand why this is so offensive to women, just imagine going into the shaving cream aisle where they have those tubes of shaving cream. And imagine that in order to represent different kinds of men, all the cans are different lengths.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: Peter, I hate to say it, but we know men, and only one size can was going to sell.

SAGAL: That's true.

ROCCA: Wait, what are you guys shaving?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Landon do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Landon won. Good going, Landon.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you so much for playing.

GROVE: Thank you very much for having me.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "GENIE IN A BOTTLE")

CHRISTINA AGUILERA: Come on. Come on. Yeah. (Vocalizing). Come on. Come on.

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