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Bluff The Listener

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Bluff The Listener

Bluff The Listener

Bluff The Listener

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Our panelists read three stories about a pop star's new secret life, only one of which is true.

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis, and we are playing this week with Amy Dickinson, Alonzo Bodden and Roy Blount Jr. And here again is your host at the Fox Theater in Detroit, Mich., Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Right now it's time for the WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME Bluff the Listener game. Call 1-888-WAITWAIT to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

JORDAN KEEN: Hi, there. Thanks for having me. My name's Jordan, and I'm calling from Barre, Vt.

SAGAL: Barre, Vt., OK. What do you do there?

KEEN: I am a waiter and a college student.

SAGAL: OK, that's cool. And what do you plan to do with your degree when you get it?

KEEN: I'm actually going to Botswana with the Peace Corps in under a month.

SAGAL: Yeah.

KEEN: So I'll be serving there for two years.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You know, it's interesting. The Peace Corps was founded, of course, so that Americans could go to less-advantaged places and help them out. I imagine in a couple of years, people from Botswana are going to be showing up here going let us help you.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show. Jordan, you're going to play our game in which you must try to tell truth from fiction. Bill, what is Jordan's topic?

KURTIS: Stars, they're just like us, except good-looking.

SAGAL: It turns out it's not all glitz and glamour for pop stars. For instance, did you know in his spare time, Justin Bieber is also a middle-aged cat lady? This week, we read about another pop star's secret life. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the real one, you'll win our prize, Carl Kasell's voice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play, Jordan?

KEEN: Yes, I am.

SAGAL: All right, let's first hear from Roy Blount Jr.

ROY BLOUNT JR: Drake knits.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT JR: Not just that, it's what he knits. Drake knits booties. And not the kind you're thinking.

(LAUGHTER)

BLOUNT JR: Drake knits little infant footwear booties - pink booties, blue booties, two-tone booties. I'm at a time in my life where lots of my friends are having babies, the mega-selling singer-rapper told TMZ this week. Booties make a thoughtful gift and the sizing is very forgiving. I work the heel in a stockinette stitch and the rest in two-by-two ribbing work on a smaller needle.

Drake said he had hoped to keep this talent un-public. But now that it was out, he was not about to get all sensitive about it. So now we can better appreciate some of Drake's hitherto obscure lyrics like, ain't nothing going on the least bit scuzzy, just getting down to the knit-y (ph) fuzzy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: For Roy Blount Jr., Drake loves to knit baby booties. Your next story of a double life from a pop star comes from Amy Dickinson.

AMY DICKINSON: Being one of the hottest young pop stars on the planet must be time-consuming, but not all-time-consuming because, apparently, one of them has a secret sideline - taste testing onion rings. This week, a New Zealand website did an exhaustive investigation and discovered that the popular singer known as Lorde has been running a secret and anonymous Instagram account called Onion Rings Worldwide.

Here's what we know so far. Lorde, who's from New Zealand, eats a lot of onion rings. The clandestine Instagram account features various onion rings that were consumed in locations where Lorde was known to be performing. Mapping coordinates have confirmed this. Photos posted on the Instagram site show a disembodied hand holding an onion ring. The fingernails on the hand holding the onion ring seem to be strikingly similar to fingernails attached to Lorde's own fingers.

Here's a sample of the pop star's review. (Imitating Lorde) Look at this onion ring and try not to puke. If someone would ask me to marry them with a ring like this, I would slap them in the face and run. But is Lorde the true author of Onion Rings Worldwide? When contacted by journalists asking if she was behind the secret account and wondering if she has ever tasted the lightly battered, thick-cut onion rings at the Michigan State Fair, the pop star refused to comment.

And that's how we know the rumor is true.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: The singer Lorde, a secret onion ring reviewer on Instagram. Your last story of a singer with a secret comes from Alonzo Bodden.

ALONZO BODDEN: We all know Rihanna as a sexy singer from the hot beaches of Barbados. What we don't think about is Rihanna grew up like most little girls. And girls like dolls. But Rihanna was different from most girls in that the dolls she liked were action figures. It drove my mom crazy, said Rihanna. Barbados is a small island, and roles are traditional. Girls play with dolls and boys play with superheroes.

I tried to go along, but after seeing "Spiderman" movies and "Avengers" comic books, something about those heroes spoke to me. Now that she's a global superstar, she can indulge her interest. She bought a second mansion next to her home in Malibu just to store her collection of '70s, '80s, and '90s vintage action figures. Not only that, but she's become one of the biggest sellers of collectible figures on eBay.

She does it under her own name saying, it's weird, but so far, none of the guys who've done business with me seem to know who I am or believe it's really me

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: That said, says the singer, she doesn't mind if people figure it out. If somebody wants to pay me $1,000 for a vintage 1977 Luke Skywalker farm boy 12-inch, when it's really worth only about 25 bucks unboxed because my name's on it, hey, may the force be with him.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: All right, so here are your three choices. One of these pop stars has a secret life. Was it from Roy Blount Jr., the rapper Drake likes to knit, specifically baby booties? From Amy Dickinson, Lorde is an undercover reviewer of onion rings. Or from Alonzo Bodden, Rihanna loves to collect and sell on eBay vintage action figures. Which of these is the real story of a pop star's secret life?

KEEN: I've always suspected Drake of being a bootie guy, so I'm going to say that Drake is knitting booties.

SAGAL: You're going to go for Drake knitting booties.

KEEN: Yes.

SAGAL: You think?

UNIDENTIFIED AUDIENCE: No.

KEEN: Considering my audience reaction...

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

KEEN: ...I mean, I feel I have to go to the audience and I'll go with Lorde reviewing onion rings.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: At least you have their affection. Well, then you have finally chosen Amy's story of how Lorde may or may not be a secret reviewer of onion rings. We spoke to someone who, in fact, looked into this pop star's other identity.

RANDALL COLBURN: Yeah, so the rumor right now is that Lorde was maintaining a secret Instagram account where she would rate onion rings.

SAGAL: That was Randall Colburn. He's a contributing writer for The Onion's A.V. Club. Yes, eventually, you figured it out. It was Amy who was telling the truth. That means you have won a point for Amy and a prize that is you have won the voice of Carl Kasell. Congratulations, Jordan.

KEEN: Thank you. Thanks, audience.

(SOUNDBITE OF JOHNNY CASH SONG, "RING OF FIRE")

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