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Panel Questions

Panel Questions

Panel Questions

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The Trump Dump, Your Masseuse Is A Real Tool, The Tuber of Death

BILL KURTIS: From NPR and WBEZ Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME, the NPR News quiz. I'm Bill Kurtis. We are playing this week with Alonzo Bodden, Amy Dickinson and Roy Blount Jr. And here again is your host at the Fox Theatre in Detroit, Peter Sagal.

(APPLAUSE)

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, Bill says stop, hammer rhyme in our Listener Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-WAITWAIT. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, it's time to play a game that this time we're calling...

KURTIS: (Singing) Happy Birthday to you, Mr. President.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So we have an occasional feature on the show called Trump Dump where we speed through whatever gifts the president laid for us in the prior week. But in honor of our special boy's 71st birthday this last week, we're going to focus on some of the great things our president has done.

You guys ready to do this? You remember how this works. We're going to go quickly through it. I'm going to say something. You tell me if it's true or false. Here we go. Roy, true or false. Love triumphed after Melania Trump was reunited with her husband after choosing not to live with him for three months.

ROY BLOUNT JR: Love triumphed? False.

SAGAL: That's right. She chose not to live with him for five months.

(APPLAUSE)

BLOUNT JR: Amy, true or false. A psychiatrist released a self-help strategy called "Trumping Your Life," a five-part series on improving your life by following the president's example.

AMY DICKINSON: False.

SAGAL: No, that is true - advice like, don't let anyone tell you you're unqualified for your job.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Alonzo, true or false. Donald Trump has helped create a new small business in Mexico.

ALONZO BODDEN: True.

SAGAL: Yes. Trump toilet paper with his face will be on sale there soon.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Roy, true or false. Donald Trump surprised two members of his golf club in New Jersey by accepting an invitation to their wedding.

BLOUNT JR: True.

SAGAL: No, false. He showed up uninvited.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Amy, true or false. In a strong stance against evil, Donald Trump tweeted a condemnation of the Church of Satan.

DICKINSON: False.

SAGAL: Right. The Church of Satan tweeted a condemnation of Donald Trump.

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Thank you for playing this week's edition of the Trump Dump.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Panel, it is time to ask you some questions about the rest of the week's news. Alonzo, according to the Wall Street Journal, a lot of power tools - jigsaws, power sanders, reciprocating saws - are being sold to professionals who use them to do what?

BODDEN: Obviously something other than their intended purpose.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Exactly right.

BODDEN: Can you give me a hint? 'Cause where my mind's going...

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Come back. Come back, Alonzo.

BODDEN: Probably not that.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: But it is creative.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It is. Do you want Craftsman or shiatsu?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: They're massages?

SAGAL: Yes, they're using them as massage tools.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

DICKINSON: No.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: So there are, you know, electric massage devices. They can cost up to 400 bucks. A cordless jigsaw - that's 60 bucks down at Home Depot. So what you do - and people have done this - is you buy a jigsaw. You file down the blade. You put a rubber stopper on the end. And your client will never know the difference, at least not until you slip and make a birdhouse out of their left shoulder.

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: That literally takes cutting corners to a new level.

SAGAL: It really does.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Apparently, this idea of modding power tools to do massage started with weightlifters. They showed off their various creations on Youtube videos with titles like How To Turn A Bandsaw Into The Ultimate Massage Table and Oh, God, Please Someone Call An Ambulance.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Roy, this week, a new study revealed that what could double your chances of an early death?

BLOUNT JR: French fries.

SAGAL: Exactly right, Roy.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: As sad as it may seem, French fries. A study published in the journal of nutrition found that people who eat fried potatoes - French fries, potato chips or the deep-fried whole potato they serve at the VIP lounge at Denny's...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Those people are twice as likely to die earlier than people who eat their potatoes prepared in other ways - that is, without any joy or pleasure.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: So how do they die?

SAGAL: Well, basically, it's not like they eat...

(LAUGHTER, APPLAUSE)

DICKINSON: I get it. I get it.

SAGAL: Roy, I appreciate - Roy, that was a great bit. Can we get a defibrillator, please?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Roy collapsed. So you have to understand they didn't, like, feed people French fries and then watch what happened. They studied a large population of people.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: They kept track of their diet habits and their health. And when they tabulated everything, they found out that the people who ate French fries three or more times a week had two times the likelihood of dying early than people who didn't.

DICKINSON: So it could mean that people who eat fries also tend to smoke or...

SAGAL: Yes.

DICKINSON: Yeah. Yeah.

SAGAL: We don't know if it's causation or correlation. It's possible that people who eat a lot of French fries do other things that are dangerous to their health like, for example, stealing other people's French fries.

DICKINSON: Right.

(LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: That'll get you killed.

BODDEN: Couldn't they just say, America - you're going to die young?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah. It's not going to make any difference. You can tell people anything, and people would still eat French fries. They'll eat French fries if the French fries with the only thing plugging the hole in their leaking boat.

(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "HOT POTATO")

THE WIGGLES: (Singing) Hot potato, hot potato. Hot potato, hot potato. Hot potato, hot potato. Hot potato, hot potato. Hot potato, hot potato - tato, tato, tato, tato.

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