The Baby Project

The Baby Project
 

categorySarah Crossman

Friday, September 2, 2011
Sarah says she's learned the basics of parenting in the 8 weeks Finnley James has been around. Among those lessons: What worked yesterday is not going to work tomorrow.
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah says she's learned the basics of parenting in the 8 weeks Finnley James has been around. Among those lessons: What worked yesterday is not going to work tomorrow.

Sarah says she's learned the basics of parenting in the 8 weeks Finnley James has been around. Among those lessons: What worked yesterday is not going to work tomorrow.
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah says she's learned the basics of parenting in the 8 weeks Finnley James has been around. Among those lessons: What worked yesterday is not going to work tomorrow.

It's so hard to believe that Finn has only been a part of our lives for a little over 8 weeks, and even harder to believe it's been 8 weeks already! I sometimes find it impossible to remember what I did with my days before he was born — but then I catch myself strategizing how to put him down for a second, just to do the dishes or run the vacuum.

During these past 8 weeks, I feel like we've learned the basics of what it takes to be a parent — and then relearned them all again as things change over and over. And that what worked yesterday is not going to work tomorrow (that was Lesson Numero Uno). I've also learned just how little sleep I can survive on, what a kick-ass partner I have, and that I just shouldn't count how many bodily fluids I have gotten on myself in any given day.

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Tuesday, August 23, 2011
Sarah, shown in this image taken by a friend/photographer, says she felt "ugly" in her pregnant body. While taking this photo, she says, she felt almost graceful.
Enlarge Michael Seif

Sarah, shown in this image taken by a friend/photographer, says she felt "ugly" in her pregnant body. While taking this photo, she says, she felt almost graceful.

Sarah, shown in this image taken by a friend/photographer, says she felt "ugly" in her pregnant body. While taking this photo, she says, she felt almost graceful.
Michael Seif

Sarah, shown in this image taken by a friend/photographer, says she felt "ugly" in her pregnant body. While taking this photo, she says, she felt almost graceful.

There's something to be said for feeling beautiful.

For the latter months of my pregnancy, I realized that my face was filling out and that I was dangerously close to acquiring a second chin. To a girl who has always been slender without really trying, the extra 50 or so pounds I put on while Finn was incubating had an effect on me that I was not expecting — I felt ugly.

I went from being the girl who loved to have her photo taken to being the girl who didn't appear in a camera frame for several months, save my baby shower in May. Virtually all of the photos taken of me between May and July are of my lower half, specifically my belly. Granted, that was the part of me most people wanted to see, but if I'm really honest with myself, I was ashamed of my weight gain, and a little scared that I didn't recognize the girl I saw in the mirror.

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Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Finn sleeps with his "sister" Nugget at Sarah and Chad's home in Maine.
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Finn sleeps with his "sister" Nugget at Sarah and Chad's home in Maine.

Finn sleeps with his "sister" Nugget at Sarah and Chad's home in Maine.
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Finn sleeps with his "sister" Nugget at Sarah and Chad's home in Maine.

So it's been just over five weeks now. Finn is thriving, having gained 4 1/2 pounds, and an inch-and-a-half in length so far. The dude is weighing in at a meaty 11 pounds, 2 1/2 ounces, and is getting more than a little uncomfortable to carry in our sling. He's as handsome as ever and it's been mesmerizing to watch the little changes every day — that second (or even third) chin developing on his little body, the wideness of his eyes as he stares off into space (what is he looking at?), and the strength in his neck as he cranes up to see what's going on. It's been one hell of a ride so far.

However, there's one other thing that's been changing: his temperament. And not in a good way. I think we might have some colic on our hands, people. Mayday, mayday!

It's been dawning on me a little bit each day, having spent enough time with babies his age and older to realize that he cries quite a bit more than them. A friend of mine posted a photo of her sleeping baby on Facebook, and then another photo, taken a few moments later, of her waking up with a huge smile on her face. Finn, on the other hand, seems to hate waking up, crying almost every time he wakes from a nap.

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Friday, August 5, 2011
Sarah started pumping so she could get out of the house, but is struggling with the process because she'd rather nurse Finn.
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah started pumping so she could get out of the house, but is struggling with the process because she'd rather nurse Finn.

Sarah started pumping so she could get out of the house, but is struggling with the process because she'd rather nurse Finn.
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah started pumping so she could get out of the house, but is struggling with the process because she'd rather nurse Finn.

(Disclaimer: I realize that I may sound a bit grumpy in this post, but I am super-grateful that nursing is working for us, and my heart goes out to the women who are having a difficult and/or impossible time breast-feeding.)

So, I've started milking myself.

I'm sorry, but there's really no other way to describe it. There is something just plain wrong about pumping my own breast milk. Logically, it makes complete sense, but in practice, it is completely surreal.

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Friday, July 29, 2011
Sarah says she read way too many books on child-rearing while she was pregnant. Now, just a few weeks into parenthood, she can already start counting all the compromises she's made.
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah says she read way too many books on child-rearing while she was pregnant. Now, just a few weeks into parenthood, she can already start counting all the compromises she's made.

Sarah says she read way too many books on child-rearing while she was pregnant. Now, just a few weeks into parenthood, she can already start counting all the compromises she's made.
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah says she read way too many books on child-rearing while she was pregnant. Now, just a few weeks into parenthood, she can already start counting all the compromises she's made.

So it's not all rainbows and sunshine over here in new-parentdom. To illustrate, imagine my poor husband coming home for his lunch break to find both his infant son and his wife in inconsolable tears on the couch.

Yeah, like that.

It's moments like these that make me realize that parenting is going to be a compromise, no matter what our best intentions were heading into this.

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Monday, July 25, 2011
Finn (center) and the future Class of 2029 got together recently for their first class picture.
Enlarge Courtesy of Susan Philbrook

Finn (center) and the future Class of 2029 got together recently for their first class picture.

Finn (center) and the future Class of 2029 got together recently for their first class picture.
Courtesy of Susan Philbrook

Finn (center) and the future Class of 2029 got together recently for their first class picture.

I love where I live.

As I've mentioned before, I live on an island — Vinalhaven in midcoast Maine, population 1,150 or so. Living here definitely has its challenges, but I wouldn't give them up for the support network we have, or the incredible reception we've had since Finn was born. He's already had some pretty extraordinary experiences, and he's not even a month old!

For example, last week, Finn got together with his (future) high school graduating class, and we took their first class photo. All together, there are five students in the class — three were born within nine days of each other, so we've got three newborns, a 4-month-old, and the oldest is 6 months old. (Can I tell you how TINY Finn is in comparison to the bigger babies? It's mind-blowing.)

It was so fantastic to get together with the other moms — women who will be pretty important in both my life, and now Finn's. I can't really imagine this happening anywhere else, and it makes me so happy to know that they get to grow up together swimming in the quarries, riding their bikes around town, going tide-pooling, and generally getting into mischief.

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Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Finnley James Crossman-King was born July 3. Read Sarah's account of how he came into the world.
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Finnley James Crossman-King was born July 3. Read Sarah's account of how he came into the world.

Finnley James Crossman-King was born July 3. Read Sarah's account of how he came into the world.
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Finnley James Crossman-King was born July 3. Read Sarah's account of how he came into the world.

I'm kind of experiencing a form of multiple personality syndrome.

I'm 32, and until this point, I was very much part of a population that did not have children. Don't get me wrong — we do have friends with kids, but for the most part, the majority of the people we hung out with on a regular basis are childless.

Now, I'm the only one with a kid. Everyone's really happy for me and going ga-ga (pun intended) over Finn for now, but I wonder what's going to happen when we have to refuse the bonfires and late-night soirees we used to thrive on.

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Thursday, July 7, 2011
Sarah and Chad welcomed their little bundle, Finnley James, on July 3.
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah and Chad welcomed their little bundle, Finnley James, on July 3.

Sarah and Chad welcomed their little bundle, Finnley James, on July 3.
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah and Chad welcomed their little bundle, Finnley James, on July 3.

NPR, I haven't been completely honest with you, and feel like I need to get something off my chest.

A couple of weeks ago at my husband's family reunion, I noticed that I was really swelling up in my hands and feet. I thought it was best to try weighing myself to see how much water weight I had actually gained: 14 pounds. In two weeks. This is one of the warning signs of pregnancy-induced hypertension, which could lead to pre-eclampsia, possible induction, and completely ruin my chances of a home birth.

I immediately finished working and took it easy for a couple of days. I went over to the hospital on the mainland and had some blood taken to check if my liver and kidneys were working properly. I also collected my urine in a jug for 24 hours (fun times, let me tell you), to test for protein. If all of the above came back positive, I would be diagnosed with pre-eclampsia.

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Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Sarah and her husband, Chad, are expecting their first child later this month. Along with the financial concerns that come with parenthood, Sarah says, she's worried about teaching her child to be compassionate and open-minded.
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah and her husband, Chad, are expecting their first child later this month. Along with the financial concerns that come with parenthood, Sarah says, she's worried about teaching her child to be compassionate and open-minded.

Sarah and her husband, Chad, are expecting their first child later this month. Along with the financial concerns that come with parenthood, Sarah says, she's worried about teaching her child to be compassionate and open-minded.
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah and her husband, Chad, are expecting their first child later this month. Along with the financial concerns that come with parenthood, Sarah says, she's worried about teaching her child to be compassionate and open-minded.

It's funny.

Before I got pregnant, I would wake up at night, and stress and stress and stress about money and the future. Now, when I wake up, it's almost always with the awareness that I'm not alone — either a nudge or blip, or full-fledged kick from the baby, and all those fears just sort of fade away.

Not that I'm still not worried about the fact that we have no retirement accounts, we just moved back to a place where we're pretty much guaranteed blue-collar jobs, and we still don't own property.

I am, and probably will always be, worried about that stuff. But I think, if anything else, the tiny taste of motherhood that I've had so far has proven to me that there are things that are so much more important than material possessions.

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Friday, July 1, 2011
Sarah lives on the tiny island of Vinalhaven, Maine. Here she is, at 25 weeks.
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah lives on the tiny island of Vinalhaven, Maine. Here she is, at 25 weeks.

Sarah lives on the tiny island of Vinalhaven, Maine. Here she is, at 25 weeks.
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah lives on the tiny island of Vinalhaven, Maine. Here she is, at 25 weeks.

I live in a tiny community of about 1,150 people, accessible by a ferry that takes 1.25 hours one way. When I was born, there were five generations of my family living on the island. This is my first pregnancy. Needless to say, when I walk downtown (technically called downstreet because that's the extent of things), I see people I know, and we chat.

This is no new phenomenon; I started planning socialization time into my downstreet meanders long ago, particularly during the summer when the population of the island can nearly double and there's a year's worth of catching up to do.

The phenomenon that I'm experiencing that is sort of throwing me for a loop is twofold: It starts out with someone stopping me on the street, looking meaningfully into my eyes and asking, "How are you feeling?"

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Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Sarah and Chad at a Christmas party with their karate dojo when Sarah was 12  weeks pregnant
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah and Chad at a Christmas party with their karate dojo when Sarah was 12 weeks pregnant

Sarah and Chad at a Christmas party with their karate dojo when Sarah was 12  weeks pregnant
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah and Chad at a Christmas party with their karate dojo when Sarah was 12 weeks pregnant

Being pregnant has been a series of surprises. From the moment I found out I was pregnant until now — 36 weeks — I have been consistently amazed by my absolute lack of control over my body and this process, and I've learned the important lesson of going with the flow.

About Sarah

Sarah Crossman, 32, and her husband, Chad, became first-time parents to Finnley James on July 3.

Because we had tried to conceive, I was pretty tuned into my body and my cycle. When it didn't arrive on the expected day (which was a Sunday), we waited two more days before I finally broke down and bought a pregnancy test. (My excruciatingly patient husband wanted to wait until the following weekend!)

Until this point, I had taken my fair share of pregnancy tests, waiting the allotted 3 minutes to check the result, which, up until now, had always been negative. This time, though, by the time I put the test down on the side of the tub, it was obvious that it was going to be different.

It was so surreal saying, "I think I'm pregnant" out loud to my husband, who was across the hall in the office. He came in and verified my hunch, but I think we were both still so shocked that we didn't have one of those cheesy movie scenes, where we meaningfully gaze into each other's eyes. We had a karate practice to get to, after all.

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Friday, June 24, 2011
Sarah with her husband, Chad, on the Isle of Skye in the highlands of Scotland  last October — the week before Sarah got pregnant.
Enlarge Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah with her husband, Chad, on the Isle of Skye in the highlands of Scotland last October — the week before Sarah got pregnant.

Sarah with her husband, Chad, on the Isle of Skye in the highlands of Scotland  last October — the week before Sarah got pregnant.
Courtesy of Sarah Crossman

Sarah with her husband, Chad, on the Isle of Skye in the highlands of Scotland last October — the week before Sarah got pregnant.

My name is Sarah Crossman, and I live on an island in midcoast Maine called Vinalhaven. My husband, Chad, and I moved back to this little island in January after a 16-month stay in the U.K., where Chad was getting his master's degree. We live in a tiny house next door to my father and stepmother, the same house where, 32 (and a half) years ago, I was born, and where, five years later, my sister was born. We plan to follow in this tradition with a midwife-assisted home birth, sometime around the 24th of July.

Chad and I have been married for almost five years, and we've waited to have our first child because we wanted to spend some time together as a married couple before embarking on parenthood. Now that we're back among family and friends, we feel that this is the perfect time to do it. Our stay in the U.K. confirmed that this is the place that we want to put down our roots; there's just something about this island community that we haven't found anywhere else — something that made us realize what our priorities are and how we want to live our lives.

For the first few months of pregnancy (14 weeks, to be precise), we were still living in the U.K., but had planned our return to the U.S. We'd decided to throw caution to the wind and try to conceive beginning at the end of October. Little did we know that it would happen on the first try!

Having a huge mouth, it was impossible to keep my "condition" a secret from our friends in the U.K., but we told very few people stateside until we returned with our ultrasound photo and could do it in person — though the secret-keeping nearly killed me, it was worth the effort to see my mom's face when we told her she's going to be a grandmother.

After quite a lot of talking and research, Chad and I came to the conclusion that a home birth would be the right choice for us.

My husband continues to surprise me. I never thought he'd want to live on Vinalhaven for good, and I never thought he'd be OK with a home birth. The more we talked about it, though, the more sense it made for us to stay put when labor began and let the process be as natural as possible.

I completely trust in my ability to give birth, and am excited to work with our birth team — an experienced CPM (certified professional midwife), who will make the trip over to the island once I go into labor, and a friend and midwife-in-training who will be living on the island during the last two weeks of July.

I'm so thrilled to have been chosen by NPR to represent those of us out there who choose home birth, and can't wait to meet this little person!

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Welcome to The Baby Project, where we document the journey to motherhood. Join nine pregnant women across the U.S. as they share their experiences — from the last month of pregnancy, to the delivery, to the first few weeks of life with a newborn.

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