NPR: Reality Check: World AIDS Day, Every Day

Reality Check: World AIDS Day, Every Day

This past Saturday was World Aids Day. I was out that night with some girlfriends and talked about Friday's segment on how living with HIV affects your daily routine, your outlook on life and your interaction with other people. We interviewed Regan Hofmann, editor-in-chief of Poz Magazine, who's been living with HIV for the last 11 years.

I told my friends about Regan's story and how she got HIV from a boyfriend after having unprotected sex twice (he unknowingly had the virus). There was a bit of silence, as everyone's mind started racing to tally the number of times "just this once" was rationalized in the name of true love . . . or just plain stupidity.

Regan told me during our pre-interview that of course almost everyone has made that decision at some point in his or her life. She just got caught, so to speak, and became one of the 37.2 million adults living with HIV around the world. She's an educated, professional woman in her thirties -- just like us. My friends and I delved into the "somehow I never thought of it happening to me" conversation, and revealed some pretty skewed thinking about who HIV/AIDS affects and why we need to stay vigilant on the safe-sex front EVERY TIME.

I can't say that had we not done this segment in commemoration of World Aids Day that I would ever have a conversation with my friends about whether they practice safe sex and their awareness of HIV/AIDS statistics. That's a shame, because it's something we SHOULD be talking about and checking each other on throughout the year. That's what we do about breast cancer -- those occasional freaked-out phone calls about scares, check-ups, recent news, etc. Almost every one of us knows someone in our families or a friend who's had breast cancer. Maybe because none of us knows anyone personally who has HIV, it feels more remote and less like a possibility of something that can affect our lives. We've let the little red ribbon and all it stands for fray at the edges of our mind, while the little pink ribbon seems more pertinent to this time in our lives.

I'm glad that this one day and one conversation with Regan helped to jar us back into reality. It can happen to any one of us and we have to keep talking about that.

To read more about Regan's story, check out her blog on Poz Magazine.

Angela Ellis

3:45 PM ET | 12- 2-2007 | permalink

Comments (Send a comment)

No posts so far? That's not good at all.

"There was a bit of silence, as everyone's mind started racing to tally the number of times "just this once" was rationalized in the name of true love... or just plain stupidity."

Some dude I know was giving himself grief over an unprotected adventure. And I told him I've had unprotected escapades. A lot (we're both non-straights) of guys have chosen to go natural atleast once when they were first coming into their sexuality.

It's a huge risk and not one that I advocate at all. But for a lot of young guys the idea of having an artificial barrier is too much to deal with. I (or my friend or anyone who can relate) come of age and right out of the gate, there's this Demon lurking.

"Stupidity" is judgemental. Unwise, yes. Dangerous, yes. But words like "stupidity" aren't constructive and turns people away from important conversations.

So anyway, there's this tension. I knew the Demon is around out there in the world, but I didn't want to give into fear (even a rational one), and I had this natural curiosity, this natural drive to be in union with another person flesh to flesh (as opposed to flesh to rubber to flesh)... and it happened. And with another guy later on it happened.

Compounding the tension was all the general bs people give young gay guys. Around here gay jokes and gay stereotypes can often have an AIDs tact to them. Which didn't help at all. It actually made me want to have unprotected sex as a way of pushing against all the slurs and hate. If I took the risk and came out clean, it would prove them wrong, I'd feel more confident, etc etc.

"Stupidity" is a terrible word. I had another buddy who just sat there repeating "stupid, stupid, stupid" over and over to himself... and I told him no... it's not "stupid", it's dangerous, there's a difference.

Me and my buddies count our blessings and now use condoms. Although having said that I did recently have a lapse in judgement and went down on a guy without a condom. Low risk, but still was unwise and unsafe - I don't advocate it.

We need to watch out for ourselves and we need to help watch out for each other. But when we slip, and yes a lot of us are going to slip, we need to avoid simple lingo like "stupidity". Instead we have to look at our behaviours as having complex roots that need to be examined, before that slip comes where one looses the gamble. It's hard to steer someone to a safer way of living if you use the wrong language.
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Straights backing off of queers, giving us less guff... is going to help the over health of our community. Queerphobia and health problems are linked social issues.
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My perception of straight people is that you folk aren't as comfortible talking about HIV/AIDs as much as gays and bis. We can't open a gay paper or magazine without the topic being out in the open. We discuss the issue in conversation.

Straights really need to pick up the steam on this issue a bit more so your community is safer too.

And remember, gender and orientation is complex and as such our communities do intermingle (wink wink). So everybody on both sides of the fence, and those who cross the fence need to be looking out for each other.

Sent by Brian | 3:03 AM ET | 12-04-2007

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