Blago: A Study in Character

Observers of Chicago's great theater scene have noted how much Rod Blagojevich sounds like a character in a play by that often imitated Chicago bard David Mamet. I wrote this during lunch hour in Chicago as the news was breaking, because it was too cold to eat outside. And we all remember someone like Rod from our childhood.

-- Nihar Patel

Surrounded by baseball cards, 10-year old Rod Blagojevich is sitting in his parents basement with a girl from the neighborhood, Patricia. He's on the phone.

ROD: I'll tell ya, you're {expletive} crazy if you think I'm gonna trade a '67 Ernie Banks for a bunch of {expletive} from the Big Red Machine. That's not how {expletive} gets done on this block. {expletive}. You tell {neighborhood kid #5} that.

PATRICIA: You {expletive} tell him baby.

ROD: {expletive} him. For nothing? My mom's probably {expletive} listening. You hear me ma? Top of the world!!!

PATRICIA: {expletive} focus. Hi Mrs. Blagojevich, can I stay for dinner?

ROD: Ask me, don't {expletive} ask her. Point is an Ernie Banks is a {expletive} valuable thing, you hear me? You don't just give it away for nothing. I want something big. A Ron Santo and a Ferguson Jenkins.

PATRICIA: What about me Rod? {expletive}.

ROD: I'm getting to you. Patty wants something nice. {expletive} tell him Patty.

PATRICIA: {expletive} Easy Bake Oven. Or {expletive} cash.

ROD: Or I'll just hang on to it. I can parachute me there like my Army men figures. Or take my bike.

PATRICIA: If the Tribune paid their paper boys better, we wouldn't be so {expletive}.

ROD: I'll make a call. Unless they want their {expletive} Sunday editions thrown onto the roofs, they'll play ball.

PATRICIA: Hang up. He should be here any minute.

ROD: Gotta go Johnny boy. That {expletive} Rezko kid wants to do business. I'll see ya in choir tomorrow.

3:08 PM ET | 12-11-2008 | permalink

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