European Union Wiz Me: A Show Tune About The Euro

Flags of the European Union countries fly at the entrance of the European Parliament.
Gerard Cerles/AFP/Getty Images

Germany and France spent decades at each others' throats. Now, bound by a common currency, they're working together to save the euro zone. It's a story that's begging for a musical number — which, as it happens, we have right here.

For more, listen to our latest podcast: "France And Germany, A Love Story."

European Union Wiz Me

Lyrics by Art Perlman, Music by Jeff Lunden

France

Germany, Oh Germany

Germany

Auf wiedersehen, dear France

France

We've had a stormy history

But times have changed so dance wiz me...

Germany

(Stiffly) Like — zis...?

France

(Seductively) Like zis...!

Sometimes we disagree

As many countries so often do

Germany

First you invaded me

Zen, darling, I invaded you

France

You naughty boy you tried

To keep me occupied, mais oui

But relations would be warma'

If you snuggle up and form a

European Union wiz me

Germany

I luff your perfume

France

Your GDP

Both

A european union

Wiz/vith me!

France

Isn't this merveilleus?

Germany

Ja!

France

But, mon amour, I was thinking... maybe we should invite some others to join us...

Germany

Oh h'oh, you mean like a menage a trois?

France

Somezing like zat.

Oh, let's invite ze Dutch

Just picture tulips right next to mine

Germany

Zat's gouda nuff for me!

France

And for a sweeter touch

Some Belgian chocolate will do just fine

Germany

Yum-yum...

France

And, dear, I must admit

Zat I am crazy for Italy

Germany

Vell, I don't know...

France

Greeks are very entertainin'

Greece

Hellllllooooooo!

France

We'll need Portugal and Spain in

European Union wiz me!

All

Let's form committees

Then we'll discuss (how we endlessly discuss)

A European Union with us!

Eastern Europeans

And us!

France

Look, darling: ze Eastern Europeans... Here's Poland — awkward...

Germany

(As they greet him enthusiastically) ja, ja, hello, hello....

France

But you know what else we need, my pet?

Germany

(Wary) What?

France

We need a currency

So that we truly are intertwined

So each economy

Will eventually be combined

Germany

You cannot mean to say

Zat you would take away — ze mark?

France

Oui.

Germany

But - but ze mark is a symbol of all zat is Deutschland über alles...

France

Exactement! We cannot truly be a union if we are not tied together — financially.

Germany

And vhat vould ve call zis currency?

All

It's called the euro

It's safe and strong (very safe and very strong!)

It's so secure oh what could go wrong?

Greece

Hoopa!

So raise a glass of ouzo

Play a tune on the bouzouki

And my friend let's toast the euro

Though the name is kind of kooky

Don't you worry my economy is weak

I am scenic and I'm terribly antique

I am Zorba the exorbitant Greek!

Others

We love the euro...

Ireland

Make way for the Celtic tiger: grrrrr!

Others

We'll make it pay (let's hear it: hip hooray!)

Others

The European Union: ole!

Ireland

Here's a great investment, one word: Iceland!

France

More wine!

Greece

More euros!

Ouch...

Ireland

Oh, me head...

France

Mon dieu...

Germany

Now look vat you haf done! Everyzing is a mess. Get out, all of you: Out!

France

But, darling, we can't kick zem out!

Germany

Vhy not?

France

We're all connected, politically, militarily and... financially. You agreed.

Germany

Yes, Greece — vhat do you vant...?

Greece

I need a loan, old salt

Don't want investors to lose to lose their trust

Germany

You must cut your spending...

Greece

Because if I default

Then all of us will soon go bust

Germany

Be responsible, like me...

Greece

Although I've tried to stall

Looks like my payments have all come due

Germany

Zis is not for me to solve...

Greece

And if I should take a tumble

Then the continent will crumble

All

Everyone is counting on you

You've got the money

We've got the debt (Oh yes, we've got a lot of debt!)

And do we need a bailout — you bet

Germany

Zat's it, I've had enough

Looks like it's time now for me to leave...

France

Oh?

Germany

Vhy is ze door locked? You must let me out.

France

Dear when the times are tough

It's better to give zan to receive

Germany

You know this isn't fair!

France

But you agreed to share, Cheri

Others

We're out of funds, you're out of luck (let me out, let me out!)

Face the fact that you are stuck

In European Union with me

And me

And me

And me

And me

Others

So fun to be in

So don't you fuss

A European Union with us

Germany

Ach du lieber!

All

A European Union with us!!!!!!

***

See the score here.

Credits:

Christina Bianco - France, others
Jared Bradshaw - Germany, others
Michael West - Greece, others
David Caldwell - piano
Scott Lehrer - engineer
Recorded at 2nd Story Sound

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