Offense Is The Best Defense

I'll be the first to admit that it's hard to be a music blogger sometimes, particularly when the most fascinating tidbits aren't coming from the music world. For example, you spend the weekend talking with your friends about Sarah Palin and about how annoying it is that anyone would think that women are dumb enough to vote for her because of her gender. Then it turns out that Sarah Palin's 17-year-old daughter is pregnant, and that she has to marry the father of the baby! Somehow, the release of a new Metallica single doesn't inspire the same sense of shock and awe. All you can think now is how the best reason to not vote for John McCain is to spare Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson (the baby's father) the pain of having to get married. If only Bristol Palin were also in a band, I would have so much more to add.

Alas, the only thing I have to tie together politics and music is that my post titled "Battle of the Bands" garnered me an invite from Mike Huckabee to see a performance by his band, Capitol Offense, at the Republican National Convention in St. Paul this week. Sadly, NPR would not cover the cost of that plane ticket -- and believe me, I inquired.

Here's an excerpt from the email I received:

Carrie, After reading your article "Battle Of The Bands," Governor Huckabee asked me to contact you. We would like to offer you an invitation to attend our party "a little straight rock" on Tuesday night, September 2nd, where you can hear Josh Turner, and then the Governor's band, Capitol Offense with a special performance by Jeff Cook. Please let me know if you are interested.

!!!

I can't deny it; I was very excited to get this note. It certainly beat out the invite I received a few months back to attend a benefit put on by Nicole Richie. (NPR wouldn't fork over money for that trip, either.) Plus, it's not every day that I can forward something to my father as proof that people are actually reading my blog. Note to Dad: Mike Huckabee, or someone close to him, is reading my blog; are you?

Aside from the novelty of the Huckabee invite, and my genuine interest in going so that I could write about the experience, the situation also presented me with a strange conundrum. What if I don't like Mike Huckabee's band? I know what you're thinking -- that I could never like Capitol Offense. But maybe I would. After all, there are times when I am in the mood for a Steppenwolf cover.

Potentially disliking Capitol Offense is not really on the same level as not liking a friend's band. I've sure we've all experienced this on one level or another -- that awkward moment when you go to a friend's art show, concert or poetry reading, and you realize that you might have to outright lie. They ask, "Did you like it"? (First of all, why would anyone ask that?) And then you don't want to, but you hear yourself lying, "Yes." It feels awful.

Now, with Capitol Offense, I might never know.

Mike Huckabee, please let me know when your band comes to Portland, okay?

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Being an Ex-Arkansan myself, (well, let me qualify that, I was born and raised, but have effectively disowned the state in terms of the politics,) I have to say that anything involving Huckabee makes my skin crawl. Add to that, a band full of his cronies playing that cover band crap that you might hear from any middle-aged white man group, I think I would have a full-body reaction to being in the same room with them. I think all of my cells' mitchondria would go into meltdown and all cells would turn radioactive and disentegrate, meaning I would totally vaporize. Yeah, I think that's accurate.

Sent by brandi | 1:04 PM ET | 09-03-2008

Even though I don't like Huckabee or his politics, that is still really awesome.
And I agree, seventeen-year-olds (at least Western ones from upper middle class families who most certainly are not mature yet) should not be getting married. To each other or anyone else. Why can't the Palins and Johnsons just tell them to take it slow, that they can both help raise the child, and if they're still in love in a few years, then they can get married?

Sent by Genevieve | 2:29 PM ET | 09-03-2008

One of my co-workers at the record store has a band that has played a few shows in the shop, and I have had to work every time. I can't stand his band. And he's the coolest, most amicable guy, too! And he always asks, "What did you think?" And I'm always clenching my teeth and saying, "It was good." I'm almost at the point where I want to ask never to work during his shows again. I feel so awful thinking that, but I can't help it.

As for Palin, the Republicans are going to ride this all the way to the end. They're going to exploit Bristol Palin as evidence that they are accepting of teenage pregnancy and try to wring every sympathetic vote that they can out of her. The ridiculous thing is, it might work. Thank God for abstinence, the best way to prevent teenage pregnancy.

Sent by Nick L. | 3:04 PM ET | 09-03-2008

At least Huckabee is trying to rock. Makes me thing his crazy religiousness was just a ploy to get elected. McCain seems like he's from the generation that thought the Beatles were from the devil.

Sent by Evan | 3:28 PM ET | 09-03-2008

And RIP Don LaFontaine.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/7595352.stm

In a world grown tangled with a thicket of media and advertising, his was a voice crying in the wilderness. He will be missed.

Sent by Nick L. | 3:31 PM ET | 09-03-2008

It's great to see that "Monitor This" is a leader in the battle against the plague of partisan politics our populace is participating in, but how in the world did someone from the Huckabee camp find their way onto NPR?

Is this where you reveal you've been an undercover operative for Fox all this time?

Sent by mac | 4:46 PM ET | 09-03-2008

Amazing. Maybe this is the beginning of a beautiful musical partnership: BrownBee, an experimental duo where Mike interprets Sleater-Kinney guitar solos on bass while you recite the text of his favorite pieces of legislation, such as S2259, or HR106.

Sent by nikki | 5:17 PM ET | 09-03-2008

Warning: This post is highly partisan.

Seeing Mike Huckabee's band, for me, would be on the same level as seeing Oprah perform gangsta rap or Charles Manson do spoken word; it'd be weird in that I'd feel as if I were publicly encouraging something I shouldn't be. Mike Huckabee, Gov. Sarah Palin, and others of their ilk should be chastised for the views they espouse; in Huckabee's case, his denial of the validity of the theory of evolution (which in many ways makes the U.S. the laughingstock of the industralized world), as well as harboring other creepy, bigotous beliefs that stem from his home-grown, uniquely American religiosity shouldn't in any way be treated as a "viable" political platform.

In Gov. Palin's case, the utmost sympathy should be reserved for her and her daughter, as they have some difficult choices ahead of them. That being said, her daughter's actions seem to be somewhat hypocritical (read: contrary to hairbrained modern American conservative convictions) and also somewhat a product of her mother's beliefs. By espousing political ideals that are so in denial of the fluid, complex, indeed biological reality of everyday human existence, one wonders if she very well may have unintentionally increased the odds of this kind of thing happening.

So, thanks but on thanks. However, it is nice to find out that a wide variety of people are reading Monitor Mix. ;-)

Sent by Ryan | 5:19 PM ET | 09-03-2008

Damn, I guess it's too late for you to pull this off. But if the performance is tomorrow: you need to press harder with NPR. Make some sort of promise that it'll be a 2-3 or more part piece (whatever it takes) and that you'll do radio (for NPR, of course) for it; that is, you'll recite passages you've written and also do interviews. At the very least, ask them to cover airfare only, and you'll cover your own accommodations, etc. (or vice-versa -- whatever is cheapest for you). See if you can tie this into any other NPR programs. Alas, this seems to be a lost cause. I can't believe NPR was so stingy.

Sent by Colin | 6:05 PM ET | 09-03-2008

By no means a fan of Huckabee politically, but I do think it's cool that he invited you to watch his band. I think the more people with different view points and all get together the better it is for everyone. Come on NPR let her go!!

Sent by Marc | 6:51 PM ET | 09-03-2008

Is anyone else disturbed that all people can talk about is Palin's daughter's baby mama drama, or her penchant for moose hunting?

Sent by randi | 7:31 PM ET | 09-03-2008

I think I would have liked to read the review.

The (sensationalizing) news is really ruining any opinion people could have of Palin. It also makes me wonder if McCain has the feeling he bought a car and then found out it had been waterlogged....But its all going to depend on who's fatter on the teeter totter.

Sent by rockynotbullwinkle | 9:36 PM ET | 09-03-2008

If you would have gone, Carrie, you should have tried to join Huckabee's band in a rousing cover of "Combat Rock" - one of the few songs that would be more ironic for his band to play than "Fortunate Son" - the cover that was played on the radio version of "battle of the bands"

Sent by RJ Kirkevold | 9:45 PM ET | 09-03-2008

My favorite line to use on friends after I see their awful band play a show...

"Wow, you guys are really modern."
But something tells me that line still wouldn't be appropriate for Huckabee's band. Anyhow, I'm moving to Portland in November and I'll see you at that show.

Sent by katie jonesy | 10:39 PM ET | 09-03-2008

Palin has 5 kids, the youngest of which is only four months old - with Downs Syndrome. She has a teenage daughter who is pregnant and will need all the support a loving family can afford once that baby makes its presence known.

I have two kids, my wife and I both work full time and feel as though we don't spend enough time with our children, and feel guilty about it on frequent occassions.

Is the decision to accept the appointment:

A. Courageous
B. Selfish
C. Patriotic
D. Child abuse

Would it be different if she were a male? Would there be all of these questions surrounding the acceptance of the appointment? I would imagine that there wouldn't be near as many. It still wouldn't make the decision any more palatable.

Sent by Chad - Hungary for Turkey | 11:14 PM ET | 09-03-2008

wow, watching that video gave me the horrible feeling of secondhand embarrassment. which can sometimes be first than firsthand embarrassment.

yuck.

Sent by brittany | 4:56 PM ET | 09-04-2008

"a little straight rock"? I thought they would've called it "a lot of straight rock" so there would be no confusion about their inclinations.

Sent by Bryan | 3:08 AM ET | 09-07-2008

I would have loved to have read your written interpretation of such an experience. I'd imagine that it would be similar to a Hunter S. Thompson piece.

Sent by Jaime | 4:06 PM ET | 09-21-2008

Carrie Brownstein

Carrie Brownstein

Carrie Brownstein is a writer and musician. She was a member of the critically acclaimed rock band Sleater-Kinney. Her writing has appeared in 'The New York Times,' 'The Believer,' 'Pitchfork,' and various book anthologies on music and culture. Read Carrie's F.A.Q.