I'm Not It, You're It

Tag is back. Remember that feeling of running around on the school playground, trying to avoid the touch of a hand coupled with the punishing, instantly miniaturizing and loaded phrase, "You're it?" Personally, I remember it well. I doled out a lot of "its" and I was branded "it" on many occasions, followed by playful hitting, petting and screaming -- all warmups to adult rituals apparently too complicated to be called tag.

To be "it" was to be noticed, but also to be cursed. As a kid, no one really wanted to be "it," but as adults, we all do. (Adults, after all, tend to focus on the being-noticed part -- "it's nice to be noticed" or "it's nice to be appreciated" -- and only remember the price of exposure as an afterthought). Now, however, thanks to Facebook, being "it" and being tagged has reverted back to the childhood version of the game; being "it" is again a duty.

You probably already know of or have read about the "25 Things About Me" lists on Facebook. Maybe you've written one yourself. For those exclusively on MySpace, or who are keeping written journals only to be read upon your death, here is the sequence of events: A friend -- or, worse, someone you've friended after meeting them once at a bar -- tells everyone facts about their life in what usually constitutes a massive over-share. Over-shares are intimate details better left for mutual drunkenness or for moments right before an amnesia-inducing head trauma. Over-sharing is a phenomenon on social networking sites (and Facebook in particular) because they conflate the mundane with the exceptional. In other words, your lunch and your herpes are practically the same thing. A Facebook status update such as "Scott is eating oatmeal" is likely to garner as least as many comments as "Eve just upped her dose of anti-depressants and is looking for a new shrink." The latter is too overwhelming, and places too much accountability on the part of the reader, whereas oatmeal is something we can benignly celebrate while maintaining the distance-masquerading-as-intimacy quality of the site.

But I digress. Back to tagging: So your friend writes 25 Things about themselves and then tags you, meaning that you're next; now you have to write your own 25 Things. The list is the ultimate chain letter, and a long stream of me me me me me me me me me. Not that there's anything wrong with sharing, divulging, confessing and declaring -- it's only the context that I find odd, and the intent. Is Facebook the world's most perfect stage, or is it just staged? I can't tell. Sometimes I think, let's meet for coffee and you can tell me the truth.

However, the '25 Things' is only the beginning. There are constantly new, seemingly endless lists that can claim you as one of their own, like 5 favorite classic-rock albums, 10 records that changed your life, what your name would be if you were a spy or a porn star or a tree. And my friend came up with one soon to catch on: 25 people you would have slept with. Will the lists and tagging ever end? Doubtful.

These days, we are almost always some version of "it," and we seem to love it. And even though I've yet to take my "it" duties to heart, at least it's got me thinking. Perhaps the words "you're it" aren't as admonishing or stifling as I originally thought; perhaps they are merely a way to keep us tethered and connected. After all, who wants to go through life untagged?

5:13 PM ET | 02-16-2009 | permalink

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