Suggestions For Upcoming Music Festivals

From The New York Times, July 27, 2009:

The lithe-bodied audience had gathered here for Wanderlust, a new festival that blends indie rock and yoga. From Friday to Sunday, visitors could study self-massage and meditation early each morning and hear groups like Broken Social Scene, Girl Talk and Spoon at night.

Festival ideas for 2010:

I Want To Be (Near) Your Dog!

I think we can all agree as to what constitutes the worst aspect of a rock show. It's not the loud volume or the couple who won't shut up behind you. Nope, it's the fact that your four-legged friend can't come along, drink a Budweiser and enjoy your favorite band with you. Now, dog lovers don't have to leave their canine companions at home when it comes to music festivals. During the day, four-legged festival-goers can fetch, run agility courses and chase squirrels released onto the festival grounds. There will also be a contest for owners and dogs wearing the best matching rock tees. In the evening, while Dr. Dog, Animal Collective, Grizzly Bear and Cat Power play, people can put their dogs up on their shoulders to allow them to better see the band. (Watch out for dog stage-diving.) And no one here will judge you if you and your best friend spoon during a slow song. Awwwww. Please bring a scoop bag. Or, hey, don't even worry about it; it's all good. Have your video camera ready to capture your dog humping someone else's dog in time with the music. (Did somebody say "YouTube phenomenon?")

Mommy, Can I Go Out And Kill Tonight?

Misfits fans who have children but still want to prove how punk they were can bring along their cutie-pies to enjoy this festival curated by Glenn Danzig himself. Daytime activities include skeleton and monster face painting. (Warning: Any face-paint requests for unicorns, rainbows or any color other than black will result in automatic and immediate expulsion from the festival.) There will be a professional hair stylist on the grounds who can shape your child's hair into the classic Misfits devil-lock. Moms and dads will get a kick out of hearing their children sing Misfits classics such as "Braineaters," "Some Kinda Hate" and "Skulls." This three-day extravaganza will culminate with a group sing-along of the song for which the festival is named. Bring toy weapons!


Mime Me, Dine Me, 1969 Me.

In an attempt to cover a wide but unique swath of interests, this music festival caters to mimes who love to eat and listen to late-'60s psychedelia. This is a no-talking festival. Personal space encouraged so that people can mime themselves into a box, then mime an acid trip, then mime a veggie burrito.


Hello, Cleveland Cell Phone Users! Or, if a music festival happens, and no one is there to Tweet about it, did the festival actually happen?

Do you love your cell phone in a meaningful way? Would you rather watch a rock show through your cell-phone camera than ever actually look at the stage? Do you like to review the pictures you have just taken while still at the concert, even though the concert is still happening? Would you rather capture a moment than experience it? Is Twitter the best thing since Facebook was the best thing since MySpace was the best thing since Friendster, and you can't remember a time before that? Would you rather have a mobile upload than an orgasm? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then this festival is for you. Sure, there will be bands, but the bands are there only so that your cell phone has something to do. The headliner is an iPhone perched on the stage playing back all of the footage taken at the show.

Have your own suggestions for future music festivals? Please share.

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