by Carrie Brownstein

Oh, Facebook, what will you come up with next? For those of you on the time-wasting, high-school-friend-stalking site, you may have already noticed a new application invading your news feed, called "Morrissey Advice on Facebook."

The modest title of the app does nothing to prepare you for the flowery language Morrissey will unleash upon you in the succinct-yet-useful form of a fortune-cookie prize.

Today, here's what Morrissey advised for me:

"You have to, at least from a distance, look as if you know what you're doing, and I can manage that."

Moments later, and because the Internet is all about not being able to use restraint, I asked for even more words of wisdom. Morrissey said:

"Age gives you a great sense of proportion. You can be very hard on yourself when you're younger but now I just think 'well everybody's absolutely mad and I'm doing quite well'."

So true, so true.

Naturally, the whole idea of following Morrissey's advice got me thinking about what other artists might be useful for steering me through the coming years. So I shut my eyes and randomly pointed to a few lyric sheets. Here's what I discovered:

The Replacements:

"I need a G— damn job, I need a G— damn job. Right now right now. An honest job, if I can find one."

The Magnetic Fields:

Now the clock is striking 1, so we might as well begin it, as there's dancing to be done, and our time is not infinite."

Van Halen:

I live my life like there's no tomorrow, and all I've got I had to steal, least I don't need to beg or borrow. Yes, I'm living at a pace that kills."

In conclusion, I need a real job, life is short and I'm living like there's no tomorrow. Who needs a life coach when you've got Paul Westerberg, Stephin Merritt and David Lee Roth?

So go ahead, throw caution to the wind, break up with your therapist and let lyrics be your guide. Let me know what you find!