Kristen Bell of 'Heroes' Heroes: Can you see Billy the Invisible Hero? He works cheap. He's on the right, next to Kristen Bell. NBC Universal

 


by Linda Holmes

Variety is reporting that ABC Studios, which produces shows like Lost and Desperate Housewives, has been asked to cut production costs by 2 percent, and that NBC Universal is looking to slice 3 percent from its across-the-board cuts. Turns out not even deserted islands populated by plane-crash survivors are immune from the struggling economy.

So how will they do it? How will producers of your favorite shows start to cut their budgets? Not to be smug, but we have some pretty good ideas. And we're offering them at no charge. You're welcome, major television studios!

1. Change name of show to 27 Rock.

2. Make Pushing Daisies into infomercial featuring extremely hard sell on extravagant floral purchases.

3. Get The Office's Steve Carell to make Evan Almighty sequel called Evan The Love Guru; wait for salary demands to drop.

4. Require Matthew Fox of Lost to get by with two stubble valets instead of three.

Even more great ideas, after the jump...

5. Fire cast of Gossip Girl; perform show using thumbs with faces drawn on them.

6. Cut Dancing With The Stars self-tanner consumption by 50 percent by only painting fronts of dancers.

7. Train CSI forensic experts to lift fingerprints using Silly Putty.

8. Replace Jeff Probst appearances on this season of Survivor with videotape of Jeff Probst appearances on last season of Survivor.

9. Fire the half-man; rename show Two Men; never mind; cancel show.

10. Plan season of Prison Break featuring escape from padlocked Baskin-Robbins franchise.

11. Fire Grey's Anatomy medical consultants; refer to all conditions as "fleeberflabberitis."

12. Change name of 90210 to 20910; relocate to Silver Spring, Maryland.

13. Replace Supernanny with Hours Of Mind-Numbing Videos For The Bratty And Defiant.

14. America's Next Top Potato.

15. Make Deal Or No Deal into negative game where best suitcase has "You Keep Everything" and worst suitcase has "We Own Your Car, House, Pets, And Stereo Equipment."

16. Replace gas-guzzling Knight Rider Ford Mustang with Smart Car; rewrite plots to involve car chases around mall parking lots.

17. Replace Law & Order: SVU with Law & Order: DVR; new detective unit just replays shows from earlier in the week.

18. Eliminate second quarter from all NFL games; second quarter historically disappointing.

19. Streamline American Idol auditions by requiring everyone to sing "Flight Of The Bumblebee."

20. New Heroes superpower: being completely invisible and silent at all times.

categories: Television

8:54 - November 7, 2008

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