Monkey See Introduces: The Movie Blurb Game

by Glenn McDonald

Back in the halcyon days of the early 1990s, before broadband Internet and IMDb.com, my friends and I -- a small group of disturbed, minutiae-obsessed film geeks -- often killed time with something called The Movie Blurb Game. The idea was to think of a phrase that combined the titles of two or more films, then improvise a blurb for the movie that might appear in the newspaper. The other guy then had to piece together the title of the movie from the blurb.

I sense an example is in order:

In this cross-genre fairy tale musical from maverick director Terry Gilliam, Matt Damon and Heath Ledger star as 18th-century Chicago musicians on a mission from God to write timeless children's stories featuring the music of Aretha Franklin and Ray Charles.

Answer: The Blues Brothers Grimm

The only rules were that you could not use the actual words of the movie name in the blurb, you had to use theatrically released films, and you had to stick to that dopey style of breezy entertainment journalism. In this game, it's all about style. For instance, bonus points are awarded for:

- incorporating admirable brevity ("M. Night Shyamalan adapts Jane Austen" = The Sixth Sense and Sensibility)

- incorporating inspired lack of brevity ("Robert Altman directs this Jimmy Cliff reggae classic starring Cher and Sandy Dennis as devotees of a tragically deceased screen star of yesteryear" = The Harder They Come Back to the Five and Dime, Jimmy Dean, Jimmy Dean)

- incorporating Cher

Remember that films can be mashed up phonetically (Nosferatu Kill a
Mockingbird) and definite articles can be dropped (The Maltese Falcon and the Snowman).

Go to it, have fun, and post your answers below. (First-time players, be forewarned that answers may, indeed, be posted below -- don't scroll down unless you want to cheat.)

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1. Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker star in Charlie Chaplin's classic silent comedy.

2. The Gotham franchise takes a dubious turn when Batman (Ben Stiller) moonlights as a security guard.

3. Michelle Rodriguez spars with Ed Norton.

4. In Robert Zemeckis' original time-travel classic, Angela Bassett enjoys a steamy, passionate affair with Michael J. Fox.

5. This strangest of chick flicks finds Christina Ricci, Rosie O'Donnell, Thora Birch and Melanie Griffith journeying upriver to assassinate a rogue colonel.

6.) Kurt Russell and Steve McQueen escape a German POW camp in Manhattan.

7.) Mike Judge's animated cult comedy stars Ron Livingston and Jennifer Aniston as primates shot into orbit.

8.) In this poorly received sequel, Arnold Schwarzenegger returns from the future to fight zombies, Robin Williams and painfully earnest prep school boys. (3 films)

9. In the quintessential heavy metal Elvis picture, the King teams with Jim Varney and Mark Wahlberg to join the Rebel Alliance. (4 films)

10.) Based on the Alice Walker novel, Steven Spielberg directs Prince in this touching tale of an autistic man and his brother, featuring Jim Carrey as comedian Andy Kaufmann, with Nicholas Cage and Cher as star-crossed lovers. (5 films)

Watch this space for future installments. (Next up: The Movie Blurb Game, Holiday Films Edition.)

Answers are after the jump, so don't spoil it for yourself!

1. The Gold Rush Hour
2. The Dark Knight at the Museum
3. Girlfight Club
4. How Stella Got Her Groove Back to the Future
5. Apocalypse Now and Then
6. The Great Escape from New York
7. Office Space Chimps
8. Terminator 2: Judgment Day of the Dead Poets Society
9. Ernest Goes to Jailhouse Rock Star Wars
10. The Color Purple Rain Man on the Moonstruck