(Above: One of the Wii's most famous hazards. I don't know if I believe this video, exactly, but I believe you can make this mistake.)

The thing about an absorbing game is that you lose your mind.

I recently built a home for a Sim lady (I know; I appreciate the classics, which is another way of saying I am Ye Olde-Fashioned Game Personne), only to have a burglar break in at midnight and steal the furniture. It was very upsetting. Fortunately, I learned something about the triumph of the human spirit when, in spite of having no couch, dresser, television, or chairs, my Sim lady went into her living room and turned on the music (yes, the Sim burglar dragged out the dresser but left the boom box) and began dancing. Around her empty apartment. Poignant, right?

I later discovered that she was even braver than I thought, because I had built her shower outside on the upstairs deck of her house without even realizing it. (These are the hazards of playing with invisible walls.) It turns out she has been taking showers outdoors, facing the neighbors, for quite a while. Surprisingly, this has done nothing to help her make friends.

The Wii and the things you might say to it when no one is listening, after the jump...

 

And then there are the embarrassing things you say to nobody.

As it happens, I came into the possession of a Wii yesterday, but that is completely not where I got this list at all. I got this list from somebody else. A friend of a friend. That's right. My friend's friend has a Wii, and she — or maybe he, you don't know — reported having said these really embarrassing things during her (or maybe his, you don't know) first 24 hours of Wii ownership. And from what I have heard, she or he considered these things pretty embarrassing things to hear coming out of her or his mouth in her or his living room with no one else present.

1. "Hey. HEY!"

2. "How did that hit me in the head? I DUCKED! It won't [ducking] duck fast enough! Stop...stop hitting me in the [REDACTED] head!"

3. "Eeeaaarrrgghhh."

4. "Whatever, I don't care; it's still better than I do at actual human bowling."

5. "THAT'S RIGHT! HOME RUN! THAT'S RIGHT!"

6. "I am mounting my comeback! This is totally the beginning of my comeback!"

7. "I am completely punching you in the face! Punching you right in the face! Why are you not going down? GO DOWN!"

8. "Oh, YOU put on the wrist strap."

9. "I am putting...nothing is happening...I am putting...nothing is happening."

10. "I can't even play tennis when there are two of me."