The Spring/Summer Season, And What Your TV Will Be Serving

Fall isn't the only new season these days; since Dollhouse premiered in mid-February, there's been a trickle of new shows coming down the pike, and substantially more are planned over the next few months as we swing into summer.

I'll be on Weekend Edition chatting about this very thing on Sunday; here's a quick rundown of your choices, in descending order of likelihood of success. (For the purposes of this informal survey, we define success as "being worth watching at least a couple of times and remaining on television long enough to make that a plausible proposition.")

Sit Down, Shut Up (Fox, April 19)
Just waiting to break the hearts of everyone who misses Arrested Development is this half-hour animated comedy from AD creator Mitch Hurwitz, starring the voice talents of...Jason Bateman! Will Arnett! Henry Winkler! Cheri Oteri! Will Forte! Tom Kenny (that's Spongebob Squarepants to you)! This promotional video pitting Bateman against Arnett in some kind of unspecified battle of wills has nothing to do with the show itself, but it certainly will make you eager to see them work together again. Likelihood of success: 75%

Nurse Jackie (Showtime, June 8)
Edie Falco, last (of course) seen as Carmela Soprano, comes to Showtime in a half-hour comedy-drama about an emergency-room nurse. Reportedly, she likes Vicodin, just like Fox's Dr. House! Falco is just about always worth watching, so it's hard to imagine this being a total failure, even if the tragically flawed medical professional is not exactly a unique idea. Likelihood of success: 70 percent

The list goes on, and things grow dire, after the jump...

 

Glee (Fox, May 19)
Every single thing about this promo for Fox's Glee is corny and strangely wonderful, and what makes it so intriguing is that it comes from Ryan Murphy, best known for the relentlessly dark Nip/Tuck. What the heck is Murphy up to? Why is he doing a show about the country's worst glee club, and is it really this joyful? The idea is utterly intriguing.

Be warned: The show is getting a preview after American Idol on May 19, but you'll apparently wait a while after that for it to go to regular airings. This is such a bizarre idea, but...there's so much dancing! Likelihood of success: 65%

The Goode Family (ABC, May 27)
The good (har har) news is that this ABC animated show comes from Mike Judge, who created King Of The Hill and Office Space. The shaky news is that it's about a family trying to be "good," by which the show seems to mean something akin to (their term, not ours) "politically correct." Whether there's still a lot of humor to be wrung from (as the show's press release calls them) "zealous vegans" remains to be seen, but Judge is certainly a guy whose track record suggests watchability. Likelihood of success: 60%

Pitchmen (Discovery, April 15)
If you've seen much television, you've probably seen Billy Mays and Anthony "Sully" Sullivan, both of whom are infomercial veterans. This series looks at them, their work, and the stories behind the often goofy stuff they're selling. It sounds really stupid, but Discovery has a knack for gleeful weirdness (witness Mythbusters), and this clip of infomercial outtakes is kind of fantastic. Likelihood of success: 50%

The Philanthropist (NBC, June 24)
The premise of this show sounds...well, suffice it to say the press release includes the words "billionaire playboy turned vigilante philanthropist." What, precisely, constitutes a "vigilante philanthropist" remains to be seen. Likelihood of success: 25%

The Listener (NBC, June 4)
It's a bit of a mystery why NBC anticipates that viewers will watch this show. It seems to be yet another series about a person who goes around meddling in the lives of others because of some special ability related to mind-reading (sort of like The Mentalist, although this guy — who's a paramedic — is billed as an actual telepath). So it's like a lot of shows that are already on, except it's on at 10:00 p.m. over the summer. Likelihood of success: 18%

Merlin (NBC, June 21)
If you've been waiting to see a BBC adaptation of Arthurian legend, you are in luck. And you are also highly likely to watch this show, given that you are not well-represented in American network television. Likelihood of success: 12%

The Cougar (TV Land, April 15)
It seems oddly appropriate that The Cougar would premiere on tax day, since if there's anything more certain than death and taxes, it's dumb dating shows that trot out gender stereotypes insulting living everyone on Earth simultaneously. Hosted by Vivica A. Fox and spawned by The Bachelor creator Mike Fleiss, the show features a 40-year-old realtor named Stacey, who is looking for love with a bunch of twentysomething hardbodies. What could be a more natural fit for the TV Land audience already accustomed to tuning in to watch Beverly Hillbillies marathons? Likelihood of success: 6%

Hitched Or Ditched (The CW, May 26)
Here's a concept that should work out well for everyone: Couples who have dated for a long time are nominated by their friends, who think it's time for them to either break up or get married. If they accept the challenge, then they set a wedding date in a week, and during that week, they decide whether to get married or not. Endorsed by 0 out of 100 hypothetical competent couples therapists! Likelihood of success: 3%