We Read Wretched Airport Magazines So You Don't Have To

Kyle MacLachlan: Seen here in January without his golf umbrella, it turns out he's Just Like Us! Alberto E. Rodriguez/Getty Images

 

by Linda Holmes

It's been a while since I either had my hair cut or flew on a plane, which I can tell from how long it's been since I read airport magazines.

You know airport magazines, right? You'd never read them except at the airport or in a waiting room (but "waiting-room-airport magazines" takes longer to type). But on a recent flight, I picked up three airport magazines: Us, Life & Style, and In Touch. My mission? To find out what precious information might be slipping away from me between haircuts. Here's what I found out.

Celebrities are just like us. I give you my word of honor, the "Celebrities Are Just Like Us" feature in Us says, "They Use Golf Umbrellas!" And there is a picture of Kyle MacLachlan walking down the street. Using a golf umbrella. This is what happens when someone returns to the office saying, "I didn't really get anything today; just a picture of Kyle MacLachlan with a golf umbrella." And someone else says, "Cut! Print!"

I should point out that the analogous feature in In Touch shows Nick Lachey buying compact fluorescent bulbs. ("Celebrities are just like us! They really hope they're going to save money in the long run!")

Dress-shopping, Chia Pets, and remarkable news about Robert Downey, Jr., after the jump...

Occasionally, actresses wear the same dress more than once, or wear the same dresses as other actresses. According to Us, Victoria Beckham wore the same dress on March 11 that she had worn previously on November 29. This was reported with some sense of the tsk-tsk, so apparently, celebrity women are expected to come home at the end of the day and discard their used clothing for eternity, which they may accomplish by burning, shredding, or mummification.

Similarly, Mad Men's January Jones is apparently supposed to feel wildly humiliated by losing two magazines' versions of "Who Looked Better In This Dress?" to swimsuit model Marisa Miller after they both sported the same undergarment-ish white dress at different events. The Actress/Model Outfit-Checking Phone Tree fails again! (US, IT)

Americans have strong opinions. Sixty-eight percent of respondents polled by In Touch found the President Barack Obama Chia Pet (now no longer available) offensive. I was predicting 67 percent; I was so close!

Sometimes, celebrities use things or like things. Just guess what Robert Downey, Jr. was caught using on April 7. Did you say "an environmentally friendly reusable thermos"? That's totally it. There's a picture. Also, Martina McBride loves jeans, and Billy Ray Cyrus enjoys cranberry juice and Red Bull. (IT, US, IT)

Joan Collins never goes out of style. Apparently, she has said she wants Emily Blunt to play her in the story of her life. Come to think of it, that's actually a pretty great idea, and I would absolutely see that movie. (LS)

Famous people have surprisingly normal children. According to Jennifer Lopez, her kids are "kind of like their own little people." Almost exactly! (LS)

So this is what I have been missing, and as I survey the landscape, I realize I may never cut my hair again.

*Naturally, "US" is Us, "IT" is In Touch, and "LS" is Life & Style.