Finding The Hidden Snack Breaks In Your Favorite TV Shows

by Linda Holmes

Many of us have DVRs these days, so we can pause live television whenever we like, should we suddenly have the urge to fetch some celery sticks or a nonfat yogurt. Or, you know, something less healthy. For those who don't watch their TV that way, there are always commercials, right?

But what if you don't have a DVR and you love commercials? What if you can't tear yourself away from the latest adventures of the Geico gecko but you're craving some Pringles?

This is where you must become your own investigator and locate the hidden snack breaks within your favorite shows.

1. American Idol: When the judges are talking.

As soon as you hear Randy Jackson say "Yo yo yo," leap from your seat and run for the kitchen. Make sure you have a drink in your hand by the time Paula starts talking. (Ironic, I know.) This schedule should land you back in your place on the couch by the time Simon receives a round of lusty booing suitable for a disliked European monarch.

2. House: When someone says it might be an autoimmune disorder.

House almost always features one medical fake-out about halfway through the show, where they think they've figured out what's wrong with the patient (fell and got a bicycle lodged in his esophagus!), and then they later learn that it can't be that (turns out he couldn't ride a bicycle!). Often, this misdirection has something to do with an autoimmune disorder. You can microwave a baked potato while they sort it out.

Three more, and your chance to contribute, after the jump...

3. America's Next Top Model: Most of the show.

You don't need: Tyra saying "fierce," anyone learning to do something they will never do again, such as martial arts, spray-tanned coaches teaching the art of walking, girls fighting over who did or did not do the dishes, girls fighting over who did or did not throw who under the bus, girls fighting over who is or is not here to make friends. You do need: Photo shoot, judging. Honestly, you could cook a baked potato in a conventional oven while the unimportant parts are on.

4. Grey's Anatomy: All kissing.

Here's the thing: There's so much kissing on this show that it just doesn't matter anymore. Lonely George (T.R. Knight) has kissed almost everybody, and what does he have to show for it? Zippo. That's not to mention the fact that very often, they are kissing in a hospital, which is kind of creepy, because you don't know where that supply closet has been. Skip the kissing; grab a handful of cashews.

5. Survivor: March Of Dead Survivors.

At the end of eeeeeevery season, they make all the finalists file past torches or sketches or rocks or skulls or something else that's meant to represent everyone who's already been eliminated. Generally, the finalists do this after receiving some kind of instruction about taking a walk to honor their fallen comrades, which always makes it a little anticlimactic when they walk past a torch labeled "Heather" and say something like, "Oh yes, my fallen comrade, Heather. She was the blonde one, right?" This generally takes forever, teaches you nothing, and features clips of departed contestants mostly saying, "I have no regrets; I think I was voted out because they perceived me as such a threat."

So now: hit it. What are the least essential parts of your most essential viewing habits?