Five Excellent Ideas For Replacing Mr. T In The 'A-Team' Movie

by Linda Holmes

Okay, so Bradley Cooper (fresh off The Hangover and right on the edge of becoming a giant movie star) is maybe going to take the Dirk Benedict part in the upcoming The A-Team movie. And Liam Neeson is in talks to replace George Peppard.

And then the Variety piece throws in the fact that, you know, they haven't quite figured out who's going to replace Mr. T as B.A. Baracus.

Now, it occurs to me that this is a fairly serious problem. In a baby-name book I saw once, it was argued that you can't give your baby certain names if they are overly strongly associated with one famous person. The chapter was called, "There's Only One Arsenio."

They could very easily have called it "There's Only One Mr. T." (Well, they could have if there were more of a threat of anyone, ever, actually naming a baby "Mr. T.")

So where do you begin looking for Mr. T replacements? Nobody is kind of like Mr. T. Nobody is the new Mr. T. Nobody captures the spirit of Mr. T. It becomes increasingly apparent that Mr. T is Mr. T, and he's the only Mr. T there's ever going to be.

Nevertheless, I am prepared to step forward with several ideas. You are welcome, Hollywood.

1. Mickey Rourke.

Based on that clip, you can see that B.A. is physically powerful, he dresses badly, and he doesn't make any sense. It's a perfect fit. Mickey Rourke is vaguely nutsy, he's aggressively unique, and he certainly has the requisite experience with bombs. (Hotcha!)

More ideas I am generously prepared to share, after the jump...

2. Justin Long

Okay. If we know that you can't emulate Mr. T, then perhaps the solution is to go as far from Mr. T as possible. Go for the ironic take on B.A. Yesterday's gold-chained bruiser is today's winning nerd! Aside from the small problem of the actual Mr. T quite possibly eating Justin Long if the performance is deemed unsatisfactory, it seems like a pretty sound solution.

3. The Rock

I know, we're supposed to call him Dwayne Johnson now, but if you're replacing someone named "Mr. T," you need a name that says, "I am not so much a person as a grand idea." The grand idea, in this case, of a rock. Massive, action-oriented, and a guy who shares Mr. T's wrestling background, The Rock also has a catchphrase — regarding your ability to smell what he is cooking — that rivals the pitying of the proverbial fool for both stupidity and usefulness.

4. Djimon Hounsou

You might think that his performances in Amistad and Blood Diamond peg Hounsou as entirely a real actor — much like Mr. T's performance as himself on Diff'rent Strokes.

But Hounsou also appeared in Never Back Down, also known (perhaps only to me) as Step Up 2 Ultimate Fighting. So he has serious punching credibility. Furthermore, he appeared as a bouncer in the very first episode of Beverly Hills, 90210, giving him the requisite bad-television experience.

5. Mr. T

Look, Mr. T is still vital. He will be a voice in the upcoming Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs! He had his own show on TV Land not that many years ago! Surely, some combination of CGI, a giant paycheck, and some sort of buttressing apparatus can bring him back into B.A.'s shoes more than 20 years after he left. If he doesn't return, how will we all learn how to treat our mothers?