by Linda Holmes
If we assume the existence of Johnny Depp, we can assume that there will be a resulting desire to locate a next Johnny Depp.
This is partly because Johnny Depp doesn't do just any old thing. On his resumé, alongside the Pirates Of The Caribbean franchise and Edward Scissorhands and so forth, you will find the odd Secret Window and other flukey bad ideas.
But it would certainly be nice if there were, say, two of him, which is part of the reason there has long been a booming industry in anointing The Next Johnny Depp. So far, it is an industry with a zero percent record of success.
Steven Lovekin/Getty Images
Joe Jonas
Who said it: People
Accuracy: People kind of makes it sound like Joe Jonas (one of the Brothers) considers himself the next Johnny Depp, but in fact, all he says in the piece is that he likes Depp's work. Considering that his first big "acting" project was The Disney Channel's Camp Rock, and that he's following it up with Camp Rock 2, it's safe to say he has a way to go.
Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Megan Fox
Who said it: USAWeekend.com
Accuracy: This really happened. As I understand it, the suggestion is that because Megan Fox has only been in silly movies and is mostly talked about in terms of being hot, she is just like Johnny Depp was when he was on 21 Jump Street. I have absolutely no idea how, under the formulation used here, every good-looking actor from bad movies is not "the next Johnny Depp."
More non-contenders, after the jump...
Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
Emile Hirsch
Who said it: American Way magazine
Accuracy: Low. Emile Hirsch was good in both Into The Wild and Milk. But so far, he plays semi-adolescents. Also? He's weird, but not weird enough. Not yet.
AFP/Getty Images
Jared Leto
Who said it: About.com
Accuracy: Very low. You can see how they got there, kind of. Depp is good at quiet suffering; Leto was good at quiet suffering back when he was on My So-Called Life. But aside from gaining a bunch of weight to play Mark David Chapman in Chapter 27, he's kind of fallen off the face of the earth in pop-culture terms.
Michael Buckner/Getty Images
Ellen Page
Who said it: New York Magazine
Accuracy: Surprisingly, more than with some of the guys. The argument about being a a "transgressive teen idol" is problematic, because Ellen Page has never been a teen idol in the flat-out you are a teen idol sense that Johnny Depp was in the days of 21 Jump Street. At least they're both good actors and they're both interesting, but Depp has a mystery and an oddity that Page's reading of "Honest to blog" simply does not suggest.
AFP/Getty Images
Robert Pattinson
Who said it: Yahoo! Shine
Accuracy: None. Yes, Johnny Depp made a much-discussed movie in which he was extremely pale and had crazy hair. That is not what makes him Johnny Depp.
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