Don't look so dismayed, Jeremy Piven — you've been cleared of wrongdoing!
Hey, remember that whole thing about how Jeremy Piven quit Speed-The-Plow because he supposedly had mercury poisoning from overindulging in sushi? And remember how it turned out that you should never infuriate a guy who writes witty dialogue (in this case David Mamet), because he'll say something kind of amazingly great about how you are leaving show business to "pursue a career as a thermometer"?
Well, The Piv is getting the last laugh. After Actors' Equity didn't punish him based on their grievance, the producers of the show went to arbitration, and Piven has won again. The arbitrator looked at the evidence and also cleared Piven of wrongdoing.
... And then put Piven under his tongue and came out at a healthy 98.6 degrees. But I kid Jeremy Piven!
Therein lies the rub. Piven may have won the day, but this story is entirely too funny to really go away. During a recent cutthroat game of Celebrity at the home of some friends, I watched a participant — an actor, no less — go through an entire pantomime in an effort to get his team to yell out "Jeremy Piven!" and as much as it may grieve Piven's heart, the entire thing involved chopsticks, sushi, and an ensuing swoon of illness.
For good or for ill, Jeremy Piven is always going to be The Big Thermometer, but it's only fair to point out that he was, in fact, vindicated. So if you see him at a club or something, do not make your funny fish jokes.
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