Miley Cyrus on the left; Cher on the right.
(Frazer Harrison/Getty Images; Michael Loccisano/Getty Images)

If Miley Cyrus and Cher went up against each other, you can probably guess who would emerge as the actual diva.

Look, I don't mean to be a baby about the word "diva," which I understand has come a long way since it used to be applied solely to majestic, operatic women. I understand that, according to many, you can now be a diva just be complaining about the temperature of your bottled water. I understand about cats that are divas, ten-year-olds that are divas — at this point, in common parlance, it's mostly about complaining.

But in the spirit of complaining, Miley Cyrus is not a diva.

Back in 1998, when VH1 first started the "VH1 Divas" series of concerts, not everyone was a diva, but there was a certain diva-esque quality to the proceedings, in that there was a lot of royalty floating around. Aretha Franklin was there, Carole King was there — yes, Mariah Carey, Shania Twain, and Gloria Estefan were also there, but the concept that the show contained diva-like qualities did not seem absurd.

The next year included Tina Turner, Elton John, Cher, Chaka Khan, Whitney Houston, and Mary J. Blige (among others). Other years, Diana Ross has been there, and Cyndi Lauper, and Stevie Nicks, and Debbie Harry, and Gladys Knight, and on and on.

This year's lineup, so far: Kelly Clarkson, Miley Cyrus, Adele, Leona Lewis, and Jordin Sparks. I would point out that three out of these five are competition-show winners (Clarkson and Sparks from American Idol, Lewis from The X Factor in the UK.

Now, they're promising additional names between now and September 17. Perhaps all the divas will be added later. Perhaps this is just the teaser. But at this point, it must be noted that you are not looking so much at a lineup of divas, or even a lineup of faux divas. You are looking at an actual diva's breakfast menu. Let's get serious: if you send Cher and Miley Cyrus in for a cage match, I know which one is coming out alive, and so do you.

Now if you will excuse me, I am off to write my pitch letter to VH1 for my new series: Cher And Miley Cyrus In A Series Of Cage Matches.