Sandra Bullock and Bradley Cooper in 'All About Steve'.
Twentieth Century Fox

All About Steve is being marketed in such a way that even if you might be inclined to like it, you may get the sinking feeling that you won't.

I want to stress that I have not seen All About Steve, do not know whether All About Steve is worthwhile, and generally am in no position to pass judgment on whether All About Steve is going to ultimately be worth seeing or not. I am always happy to be surprised — I was oddly charmed by Sandra Bullock's other summer offering, The Proposal.

But I will tell you this: Rarely has a movie managed to take so many elements of which I am generally in favor and combine them in such a way that my initial reaction is that I would rather be shot out of a cannon than see this movie. In fact, if you told me I had to be shot out of a cannon, my only request would be that you aim me away from this movie.

Stalker hilarity, love among the grotesques, and what's going on with Bradley Cooper, after the jump...

 

Let's review the trailer and its myriad difficulties.

Sandra Bullock's character, Mary, appears to be maladjusted and possibly Not Right. Quirks are quirks. They can be endearing. But seeming like you are actually unbalanced enough to follow a guy you just met across the country because he says, "Wish you could be there"? That's not a quirk; that is a cry for help. And not the "She just needs someone to tell her she's wonderful the way she is" kind of help, either. More like the "Where are the butterfly net and the tranquilizer dart?" kind of help.

Apparently, the hoped-for moratorium on stalking as a gateway to romance has not yet taken hold. Stalking isn't cute. Stalking isn't cute. Stalking isn't cute. Shall we repeat it a few more times until it sinks in that even in a comedy, this kind of pursuit is too uncomfortable to be fun? It is harder to get excited about this, as a romantic comedy structure, than about almost anything else.

Bradley Cooper looks miserable. Cooper, who was wonderful in The Hangover just this summer, has a mischievous brand of slickness that works pretty well for him — he's almost like Hugh Grant, in that all the humor of his personality comes out when he's being a little bit of a jerk. Here, he just looks trod-upon by this bewigged Cheez Doodle of a former blind date, and he seems flat and dull as a result.