Music

Lesser Inspirational Songs 'American Idol' Will Unfortunately Forget

A man raises his arms to the sun.
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Next week, American Idol will feature "inspirational songs." This will make perfect sense to anyone who finds American Idol to be, in any way, "inspiring." Unfortunately, Idol is likely to include only very obvious inspirational songs, and to omit many perfectly good inspirational songs that are largely forgotten because I made them up.

In honor of this event, I wish to return to a list I started compiling for a previous edition of Idol Gives Back, and salute the following Lesser Inspirational Songs Likely To Be Forgotten By American Idol.

"God Bless The U.S.A. Department Of The Interior"

"On Eagles' Wings, There's Not Much Room"

"Live Like You Were Dying, But Not Too Suddenly"

"That's What Friends [With Large Quantities Of Untraceable Cash And Leases On Several Abandoned Warehouses] Are For"

"This Land Is Your Land, Then There's This Fence Right Here, Then This Land Is My Land"

"From A Distance, You Look Teeny"

"Hands Across The Inviting Smalls Of America's Tantalizingly Arched Backs"

"We Shall Overdress"

"Vegetarian Homesick Blues"

"Man, If I Had A Hammer Right Now, You Don't Even Know What"

"Teach Your Children Well-Drilling"

"Jesus, Take The Freaking Seat On The F Train If It Means That Much To You, You JERK"

"Glowin' In The Wind"

"I Will Survive, Probably"

"Another Day In Paradise City, Where The Grass Is Green And The Girls Are Pretty"

"This Is My Passing-A-Kidney-Stone Face, And I Wear It Straightforwardly, To Honor The Poor"

"We Are The Twirled"

"You Raise Me Up [Explicit]"

"You'll Never Walk Alone If You Know What's Good For You"

"The Hokey-Pokey"

"What's So Funny 'Bout Peace, Love, And Understanding, Other Than The Obvious"

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