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You know, there's a joke one of my friends used to make in which the punch line was all you ever heard, and the punch line would be something like, "Second prize: TWO trips to Cleveland!" Somehow, my brain is wanting to start off tonight's TV listings with, "Second prize: TWO hours of Hell's Kitchen!" (8:00 p.m., Fox)

Food Network. 9:00 p.m.. Cupcake Wars. Gird your loins.

Bravo premieres the new season of Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D-List (9:00 p.m.). Don't laugh; this show has won Emmys.

G4 (a channel you may well receive, even if you don't realize it) is launching a new show called It's Effin' Science (9:00 p.m.), in which the hosts, two comedians and an engineer, attempt to "hack science" to perform practical jokes and bar bets and the like. Isn't science sort of self-hacking?

I would like you to know that tonight's episode of Law & Order: Criminal Intent (10:00 p.m., USA) is called "Inhumane Society." I just didn't want whoever worked so hard on that name to be denied recognition.

Bravo is also kicking off a new show called Double Exposure (10:00 p.m.), which follows a pair of celebrity photographers who seem (based on previews) to fall into Bravo's usual "moderately crazy but extremely privileged" mold. One of the online descriptions at Bravo's web site refers to "15 years of emotional baggage" between the two. So now you know what that's going to be like.