Miscellany

Celeb-ducation, Or: What We've Learned From Lindsay Lohan (And Friends)

It has occasionally been the case that a star's depressing run-in with the legal system has offered a life lesson or two for the rest of us. Here, a brief — and illustrated! — look back at a few of those teachable moments. (Warning: Zsa Zsa ahead!)

  • Lindsay LohanWhat happened: On July 6, the actress was sentenced to 90 days in jail and inpatient rehab for violating her probation. (She'd twice been arrested for driving under the influence in 2007.)What we learned: The difference between skipping your alcohol-education classes and skipping, say, your yoga classes is that your yoga instructor can't put you in the slammer...
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    Lindsay Lohan
    What happened:
    On July 6, the actress was sentenced to 90 days in jail and inpatient rehab for violating her probation. (She'd twice been arrested for driving under the influence in 2007.)
    What we learned: The difference between skipping your alcohol-education classes and skipping, say, your yoga classes is that your yoga instructor can't put you in the slammer.
    David McNew/AFP/Getty Images
  • Hugh GrantWhat happened: Grant pleaded no contest to lewd-conduct charges in 1995 after being busted in Hollywood with a prostitute.What we learned: Just say you're sorry. Grant issued his mortified mea culpas all over the place (most famously to Jay Leno), and he was back in foppish form in no time.
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    Hugh Grant
    What happened:
    Grant pleaded no contest to lewd-conduct charges in 1995 after being busted in Hollywood with a prostitute.
    What we learned: Just say you're sorry. Grant issued his mortified mea culpas all over the place (most famously to Jay Leno), and he was back in foppish form in no time.
    Eric Draper/AP
  • George MichaelWhat happened: He pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of drugs in 2007, lost his license for two years, got it back, hit a truck (but was released without charge), and a few days ago, he was once again arrested on suspicion of being unfit to drive.What we learned: All that "Careless Whisper" money might pay for, you know, a driver or something.(...
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    George Michael
    What happened:
    He pleaded guilty to driving under the influence of drugs in 2007, lost his license for two years, got it back, hit a truck (but was released without charge), and a few days ago, he was once again arrested on suspicion of being unfit to drive.
    What we learned: All that "Careless Whisper" money might pay for, you know, a driver or something.
    Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images
  • Nick NolteWhat happened: Pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of driving under the influence in 2002. Years have passed, but that mug shot remains.What we learned: You know how your mother told you to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident and are taken to the hospital? It wouldn't be a bad idea to add, "Carry a comb, in case you get arrested."(Califo...
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    Nick Nolte
    What happened:
    Pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of driving under the influence in 2002. Years have passed, but that mug shot remains.
    What we learned: You know how your mother told you to wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident and are taken to the hospital? It wouldn't be a bad idea to add, "Carry a comb, in case you get arrested."
    California Highway Patrol/AP
  • Zsa Zsa GaborWhat happened: Slapped a cop. Everyone knows this story! Zsa Zsa Gabor was convicted of assault for slapping a cop. What we learned: Well, if you're Zsa Zsa, you learned that police officers do not take as kindly to being slapped as other commoners. If you're the officer, you helped us learn not to tangle with Zsa Zsa unless we have the force of law to back us...
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    Zsa Zsa Gabor
    What happened:
    Slapped a cop. Everyone knows this story! Zsa Zsa Gabor was convicted of assault for slapping a cop.
    What we learned: Well, if you're Zsa Zsa, you learned that police officers do not take as kindly to being slapped as other commoners. If you're the officer, you helped us learn not to tangle with Zsa Zsa unless we have the force of law to back us up. She's 93 years old now. She's probably only gotten tougher.
    Nick Ut/AP
  • Martha StewartWhat happened: Convicted of obstruction of justice and lying to investigators in connection with stock sales, Stewart spent some time in a federal prison camp in 2005.What we learned: If you act like you've barely noticed being incarcerated, other people will barely notice, either. Stewart went right back to work, got herself appointed guru of a short-lived a...
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    Martha Stewart
    What happened:
    Convicted of obstruction of justice and lying to investigators in connection with stock sales, Stewart spent some time in a federal prison camp in 2005.
    What we learned: If you act like you've barely noticed being incarcerated, other people will barely notice, either. Stewart went right back to work, got herself appointed guru of a short-lived alternate version of The Apprentice, and now has almost 2 million Twitter followers.
    Louis Lanzano/AP
  • Winona RyderWhat happened: Convicted in 2002 of shoplifting at Saks Fifth Avenue, Ryder was sentenced to probation, restitution and community service. She was injured trying to make her way through a crowd of photographers as she arrived at the Beverly Hills Municipal Court for her preliminary hearing on shoplifting charges June 3, 2002. What we learned:   Stealing is wron...
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    Winona Ryder
    What happened:
    Convicted in 2002 of shoplifting at Saks Fifth Avenue, Ryder was sentenced to probation, restitution and community service. She was injured trying to make her way through a crowd of photographers as she arrived at the Beverly Hills Municipal Court for her preliminary hearing on shoplifting charges June 3, 2002.
    What we learned: Stealing is wrong. Though honestly, if we had to either encounter Winona Ryder while shopping or encounter George Michael while driving, that's a pretty easy choice.
    Frazer Harrison/Getty Images
  • Willie NelsonWhat happened: Nelson (along with four others on his tour bus) was cited in 2006 for possession of marijuana and psychedelic mushrooms.What we learned: It would be stretching it to say we learned a whole lot from this one. Has a celebrity arrest ever gotten less attention? Maybe it helps to have "outlaw" in the name of your genre of music.
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    Willie Nelson
    What happened:
    Nelson (along with four others on his tour bus) was cited in 2006 for possession of marijuana and psychedelic mushrooms.
    What we learned: It would be stretching it to say we learned a whole lot from this one. Has a celebrity arrest ever gotten less attention? Maybe it helps to have "outlaw" in the name of your genre of music.
    Bill Waugh/AP

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