Television

A Summary Of Fox's Executive Session, With Apologies To Dr. Seuss

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At Monday's session, Fox executives declined to answer speculation about, among other rumored American Idol judges, Jennifer Lopez (seen here in June). Neilson Barnard/Getty Images North America hide caption

itoggle caption Neilson Barnard/Getty Images North America

Today is Fox's day at press tour, and this morning, executives Peter Rice and Kevin Reilly met with critics — who did not focus as heavily on the new fall shows as they might have if the last week had gone a little differently. As you may know, Ellen DeGeneres is officially out as an American Idol judge for the upcoming season, and the possibility of Randy Jackson and/or Kara DioGuardi leaving has also been raised. Fox executives would probably have preferred to either be in a position to make an announcement, or avoid being asked about it at all. Neither of those things was in the cards.

Instead, the session went a little something like this.

"Will you tell us who will be
the Idol judges, four or three?"

We will not tell you who are they,
We will not tell you, TCA.

"Will you tell us if we beg?
If we're standing on one leg?"

We will not tell you if you beg,
We will not tell you on one leg.
We will not tell you who are they,
We will not tell you, TCA.

"Will you say with Morse code winks,
Will you tell us over drinks?
Have you hired J.Lo's hips?
Have you signed with Tyler's lips?"

We will not tell you using winks,
We will not tell you over drinks,
We have no word on J.Lo's hips,
We cannot speak to Tyler's lips,
We will not tell you who are they,
We will not tell you, TCA.

"Have you talked to so-and-so?
Has such-and-such said yes or no?
Did what's-her-face receive a call?
Is That One Guy in this at all?"

Again, we can't say yes or no,
Though we're big fans of so-and-so,
What's-her-face we just adore,
But we cannot say any more.

"If we ask all hypothetical,
If we make it theoretical,
Let's suppose you could provide
some answer, if you did decide —"

We are too smart for this old trick,
Our PR team is far too slick,
We do not answer hypotheticals
We do not work in theoreticals
We will not tell you who are they,
We will not tell you, TCA.

"What if we inquire in Spanish?
Will your hesitation vanish?
Quien es...how do you say 'signing'?
My language skills are now declining."

We will not answer si or no,
We will not say who has to go,
We cannot say in Japanese,
This stone won't bleed, so just don't squeeze.
We will not tell you who are they,
We will not tell you, TCA.

We will not tell you Randy's fate,
We won't get into Kara-gate,
We have no comment, once again,
We're happy to repeat, times ten,
We will not tell you who are they,
We will not tell you, TCA.

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