Art

'Hey, Baby, Want To Check Out My Cubism?': Garage Stashes We'd Like To See

a drawing of a horse by Picasso

This photo provided Monday Nov.29, 2010 by the Succession Picasso shows a drawing of a horse by Picasso. Succession Picasso/AP hide caption

itoggle caption Succession Picasso/AP

So how, exactly, does one explain that one has been keeping 271 previously unknown Picassos in the garage?

Certainly, we have all lost track of things in storage now and then — perhaps a Barbie's Dream House, a box of leg warmers, or that fondue pot/quesadilla maker/chicken roaster that we just might have added to our bridal registry after one too many mimosas.

But presumably, somewhere along the line, while moving boxes or pulling a quaint French bicycle into the garage, French electrician Pierre Le Guennec might have said to his wife, "Cherie, you'll never guess what I just tripped over in the garage — it's those 271 previously unknown Picassos."

If it can turn out that 271 previously unknown Picassos are hiding in a French garage, perhaps there's no artistic treasure trove that's out of reach. Perhaps we can hope that there will be more to come. Perhaps this is a magic garage holding countless further discoveries. Perhaps we can dream. And when we do, we will dream that the following five things will also turn up in the garages of Europe — or even the garages right here in our own hometown.

1. Thomas Kinkade's The Scream. Sure, you know Kinkade from his "Painter Of Light" (TM) products. (And perhaps from the art gallery he used to have at the Mall Of America!) But what if there's a dark side? What if he struggles from existential angst at which those tranquil, light-painted scenes only hint? What if, somewhere, there is a Kinkade version of the face of horror? You have to admit, that would be worth seeing.

2. Ryan Seacrest's novel, The Me I Am. The American Idol host has a reputation to protect. He can't have everybody know that on the inside, he's a genius of sensitivity and sophistication. Thus, we figure, were he to write a brilliant tome — which he would title The Me I Am, after rejecting The Me I See Myself In Me as "too self-referential" — it would be squirreled away in a secret garage so that no one would find out that behind that slickster persona, there beats a heart of pure literary Americana.

3. Scorsese's cache of cat videos. Nobody doesn't love a cat video. Not even one of the world's great directors. Interestingly, we suspect that if these videos ever did turn up, the only difference between Scorsese cat videos and other cat videos would be that in the Scorsese videos, all the cats are from New York.

4. An aging painting of Justin Bieber. Obviously.

5. T.S. Eliot's other love songs. Sure, you know this one. But how likely is it that anyone would go through life and only write one love song? We particularly look forward to the discoveries of "The Love Song Of Arnold M. Hanrahan" ("I work at a bank / it is frequented by poets / I shall process their deposits") and "The Love Song Of Fluffy B. Eliot" ("I have heard the mice mocking me / do I dare to eat them all?").

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