Let's Rush To Judgment

Let's Rush To Judgment: 'The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1'

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1. i i

hide captionKristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1.

Andrew Cooper/Summit Entertainment
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1.

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson in The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1.

Andrew Cooper/Summit Entertainment

The new trailer for The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1 introduces us to the major complication of Bella and Edward's new marriage.

MONSTERBABY.

After a wedding night that is apparently so enthusiastic that Edward breaks the windowsill with the force of his forcefulness, Bella finds herself impregnated with MONSTERBABY. Since Bella is (or was) a human and Edward is a vampire, MONSTERBABY is something that everyone — including the local werewolves — is very nervous about. They don't know what MONSTERBABY means for the power dynamic between vampires and werewolves, and they also apparently are prepared to off Bella if it means MONSTERBABY will never toddle upon the earth, snapping teething rings clean in half and trying to exsanguinate Tickle Me Elmo.

As if that weren't enough, MONSTERBABY is not a very easy pregnancy, since it is attempting to devour Bella in a "trapped in a giant pile of M&Ms, I could only try to eat my way out, nom nom nom" kind of way. Edward, of course, is as worried about Bella as ever, since he has apparently absolutely no purpose in life but to keep her safe — even from his own MONSTERBABY — meaning that he must have been incredibly bored for hundreds of years. (In this sense, there is something Apatow-like about Edward, no? He was sitting around in a T-shirt or whatever, pale and sickly, for literally several normal men's lifetimes, until he was given purpose by a pretty young actress.)

My favorite part is where Jacob says to Edward, "You did this." By which he means, "Impregnated a girl who was never my girlfriend but is your wife with a baby who is trying to bite its way out." If we had a nickel for every time this classic romantic trope has been used, no?

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn, Part 1: The Delivery: The Rise Of MONSTERBABY opens November 18.

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