Tom DeLay and his partner Cheryl Burke practice for the upcoming season of Dancing With The Stars. (ABC)

by Linda Holmes

Ever since Tom DeLay signed on for this season of Dancing With The Stars, many have wondered what his foray into fancy footwork might actually look like. And so we present: the rehearsal photo.

The thing he is strapped into in this photo, by the way, is a device that the pro teachers often use to get people to stand up straight and keep their shoulders back.

It is on a day like this that a pop-culture follower wishes that someone had offered long odds a year ago that "Tom DeLay's Dancing With The Stars Rehearsal Photo" would eventually be a real thing. I am beginning to think I should look for someone who will give me hundred-to-one odds for on the equally likely "Jack Nicholson Signs On To Play Gym Teacher In High School Musical 5" for next year.

Royal Ascot 2009: Isabella Christensen brought her most dignified attire. Chris Jackson/Getty Images

 

by Linda Holmes

It's time for Royal Ascot 2009, and you know what that means: fanciful hats! In this case, a fanciful hat incorporating not just fruit, but a bowl of fruit with a spoon.

Of course, this event might also look familiar to you on account of this, if you know your musicals.

Fashion!: Luis Lopez-Smith designed this for the Royal College Of Art Summer Fashion Show in London. Claire R. Greenway/Getty Images

 

It's been a while since we did a round of Entirely Real Photos, but how could we resist? Luis Lopez-Smith, we salute you. Caterpillars? Video game monsters? Is this the return of Mr. Yuck?

But that's nothing. You haven't seen the back.

The back, after the jump...

Continue reading "Entirely Real Photos: Fashion Show! Fashion Show!" >

Madonna: You can't accuse her of playing it safe. Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images

 

by Linda Holmes

In fairness to Madonna, this is her arrival at Sunday night's Costume Institute Gala at the Metropolitan Museum Of Art (a.k.a. the "Met Ball"), and it tends to be a night of fairly attention-getting clothing. She didn't wear it to the dentist's office or anything.

Nevertheless.

I think I understand the bubble dress, and I think I understand the boots. In theory. Though perhaps not together.

It's the...bunny ears? Antennae? Leafy branches? With the little bun of hair sticking up. I mean, heaven knows, we can't have too many people who like to get out there and do their own thing, but really, when I am imagining you munching on a big cartoon carrot when you're supposed to fit into the theme of "Models as Muses," something has gone wrong.

Being Miss USA: Our newly crowned Miss USA is very excited. Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images

 

by Linda Holmes

You may not even have realized we had a new Miss USA as of Sunday night, but we do. Her name is Kristen Dalton, she hails from North Carolina, and she is very, very excited about being Miss USA.

This may be the happiest expression history has ever seen, as a matter of fact. This is not just happy; this is neck-muscle-strainingly happy. Either that, or the crown kind of pinches.

The Michael Jackson auction: So this is where all the cool stuff went. Gabriel Bouys/AFP/Getty Images

 

by Linda Holmes

You may have seen the earlier story about Michael Jackson's stuff going up for auction beginning on April 22. But in addition to all of his own costumes and paintings and so forth, he's also holding on to an amazing collection of pop-culture tchotchkes.

This, for instance, is why you can't find a decent giant statue of Superman or a Terminator 2: Judgment Day arcade game. So that's one mystery solved.

A pig that flies: At the Sydney Royal Easter Show in Sydney, Australia, this pig got some air. Mark Kolbe/Getty Images

 

by Linda Holmes

The problem with evaluating unlikely events with a qualifier such as "when pigs fly" is that you never know what the future might bring, so the advent of this flying pig will undoubtedly force the hands of many who have bluffed until now. The lion will lie down with the lamb, we will discover the cure for the common cold, and you will watch Surviving Suburbia. Thanks a lot, pig.

Politeness is the real Force: Stormtroopers, Darth Vader, and some Jedi knights wait in line at the ticket office before the opening of Star Wars: A Musical Journey in London. Tim Whitby/Getty Images

 

by Linda Holmes

"[inhale...exhale] Yes, I am the representative of the dark side. [inhale...exhale] Yes, I have destroyed the home planets of others. [inhale...exhale] That doesn't mean I don't respect the queue."

Gilles Marini: For this Dancing With The Stars contender, it's about retaining your dignity and never, ever playing to the lowest common denominator. ABC

 

by Linda Holmes

Today's Entirely Real Photo comes from last night's episode of Dancing With The Stars, where actor Gilles Marini began his paso doble -- that would be the dance of the bullfighter, for those of you who aren't cultured enough to watch celebrity dance competitions -- wearing the best bullfighting costume he could think of. Perhaps the storyline is of a passionate woman who vows to her lover she will wear enough shirt for both of them.

(Because honestly, it is summer where his chest is, but for partner Cheryl Burke, it is winter.)

If you are wondering who Gilles Marini is, he was the sexy neighbor Samantha saw naked in the summer movie version of Sex And The City. Clothing allergy, perhaps? Sensitive to synthetic fibers?

Strong showing: At Wrestlemania 25 on Sunday night, The Wrestler star Mickey Rourke (right, in the vest) obligingly got into the ring for a little action with the WWE's Chris Jericho. Bill Olive/Getty Images Entertainment

 

by Linda Holmes

"Say, Mickey Rourke -- how are you going to follow up the restoration of your dignity as achieved through your excellent performance in The Wrestler and your Oscar nomination, which many people thought was a distant fantasy?"

"Why, I believe I will go to Wrestlemania 25 and obligingly punch the WWE's Chris Jericho in the belly!"

"That is a good plan, Mickey Rourke. That is a real good plan."

"Nice to meet you, too!": Nelson Mandela met Gordon Ramsay at the opening of a resort in Cape Town, South Africa yesterday. Chris Jackson/Getty Images Entertainment

 

by Linda Holmes

Presumably, Hell's Kitchen star Gordon Ramsay refrained from calling the chefs at this particular event "donkeys," as he frequently does on television.

Elton John and Billy Joel at a concert on March 30. Kevin Winter/Getty Images Entertainment

 

by Linda Holmes

Pardon me while I check my pulse. Judging by this photo of Elton John and Billy Joel, I am now approximately 450 years old.

If you'll excuse me, I am off to look at pictures of Joan Rivers and conclude that I have not aged at all.

This was unlikely: When an American Idol contestant meets a sex expert, what can't happen? Brad Barket/Getty Images Entertainment

 

by Linda Holmes

Occasionally, there is a photo that really speaks for itself, and this shot of the notoriously grimy Constantine Maroulis of Season 4 of American Idol meeting up with Dr. Ruth Westheimer at the 52nd Annual New York Emmy Awards Gala definitely qualifies. Seriously, I have nothing to add.